The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

I remember a fateful Tuesday morning just before lunch being pulled from my class room by the principal of my school, way back in January 28th, 1986.

Normally, being pulled out of a class by the principal is never good. I knew either something bad has happened to my family or the custodian discovered the peanut butter sandwiches I’d been stuffing into locker 15 for the past three months.

While I was relieved that my family was safe and sound and my mischievous nature had not yet been discovered, that historic day would be etched in my memory forever. This is the day the Challenger blew up 73 seconds into its mission.

Up to that day, the great Americans to our Canadian south where king of the stars and unyielding in their conquest of space and science. Canadians were proud of our humble addition of the Canadarm, and we too felt like in some small way we were part of all the shuttle missions.

I stood and watched the continuous feed of the shuttle exploding with disbelief and shock. How could this tragedy happen to the vessel of hope for mankind? What once was a struggle of the super powers to prove their victory over space, now replaced with sorrow and grief. This disaster brought humanity back into the space program.

The years passed, and interest in space seemed to be off the minds of a world still in adjustment after the horror of 9/11, when the humanity of those who risk their lives was once again was brought to everyone’s attention. Another catastrophe we hoped would never happen again when the crew of Columbia was lost.

Now a heated debate is in progress over Discovery. Should a space walk occur to fix slippage of ceramic-fiber cloth, whose purpose is to insulate the gaps between the delicate heat tiles. These heat tiles are the only thing keeping astronauts from burning up during re-entry, and a failure of those tiles would... well... let’s not even talk about it.

Anyone who enters space knows that the difference between life and death could hinge on the smallest of mistakes. Yet these astronauts go into space despite the inherent risks. Why do they go? Because they must. Space is the final frontier and the discoveries that exist out there are endless and could have unprecedented impact on each of our lives. These astronauts put their lives on the line for their beliefs, and the betterment of all mankind.

I wish these brave soles God speed, and may angels protect them when they come home. Even if one doesn’t believe in anything religious, one sure hopes someone out there is looking out for them in a way technology cannot.

Previous: Debris Falls Off Shuttle - AGAIN

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Posted by MrBig at 11:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

After reading an article from ABC News about a child who was found dead after playing a twisted game where you choke yourself or others choke you until you pass out, I was reminded of an incident a couple of years ago.

I was assisting a teacher in a classroom at the time when we were called to an impromptu staff meeting. The principal discussed with us a game that kids were playing in neighbouring schools called the Choking Game. The principal described the game as one where kids hold their hands around another kid's throat and chokes them until s/he passes out. Apparently, when the kids wake up from being choked, they lose all memory for a brief period and gain a tingly feeling throughout their bodies.

Of course, knowing our students, we figured this was just happening at other schools and that we wouldn't have to worry about the situation at our school. WRONG! Kids experiment. We talked to our class and asked if they had any knowledge of this game, and after a little coaxing, many hands began to raise. Most of the students knew of the game, none admitted to trying it, and a few told us of other students in the school who had tried it. From this conversation, I remembered incidents in high schools where the kids were using the wrap-around towel dispensers in the bathrooms to tie around their necks and then let their knees buckle under them to create pressure on their necks. If they were lucky, a friend would be there to untie them before they died. I believe, or at least I am hoping, that schools have done away with these towel dispensers in schools as they can be used as a very lethal toy. Nevertheless, we sent out the word to other teachers immediately to have a serious discussion with their students about the realities of playing this deadly game.

Asphyxiation is the loss of consciousness that the kids get when they play this game due to the hinderance of oxygen and the excess of carbon dioxide in the blood. The reason this game is so dangerous is because asphyxiation can cause heart failure, brain damage, and obviously also death.

If you found this interesting, you might like:

• Lack Of Freedom In Teaching?
• Rebuttal To Comment In Lack Of Freedom In Teaching
• Unbelievably Stupid and Cruel
• Whistler Blower: Canada’s Secret Mission to Take Over the US

What others are saying:

• WordWhammy
• tuckle rori
• Max Clark

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Posted by Samantha at 10:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Here's a Top 10 List of things NOT to say to your boss:

1. Why don't you do it?

2. You're looking a little plumper than usual, eh tubby?

3. No! Damn it, no!

4. Oh, geez eh, you need some mouthwash!

5. You know I've always had a fantasy about sleeping with my boss.

6. Either you've had a sh*tty day, or you forgot to wipe properly again, sir.

7. Ya, ya, ya, ya... I'll take the extra assignment. I'm so high right now, I'll do anything.

8. Wow, is that your husband's picture on your desk. He looked much uglier/balder/fatter when I met him.

9. I'm calling in sick today because I'm just not feeling it.

10. Come on. Is this meeting over yet, or what? I'm losing my buzz here.

Bonus: So, it's alright to look at porn on the net while we're working, right?

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Posted by Samantha at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Taken From: Ye Olde English Sayings

MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX: "This came from the days when smallpox was a regular disfigurement. Fine ladies would fill in the pocks with beeswax. However when the weather was very warm the wax might melt. But it was not the thing to do for one lady to tell another that her makeup needed attention. Hence the sharp rebuke to 'mind your own beeswax!'"

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Posted by Samantha at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

After living in a big city where life is always on the go, and basically, the whole town is either on the road to work or home, it is nice to get away to small town life again for a while. There's nothing like a small town, and it's really hard to explain unless you've been there for some time and know yourself. But, I'll try.

I was born, raised, and spent most of my adult life in a small town, which isn't really so small, but it's smaller than the metropolis I'm in now. Apparently, I took for granted many of the quirks and nuances of small towns because I am now realising how much life there is here. Not only do you know your neighbour, but you can go for coffee and have people from around town say "hi" as they pass by. I am not as anonymous here as I am in the big city, and it makes one feel less alone.

Of course, there are other reasons why small towns are quaint. For example, the other day I was driving along and saw big sign saying 420. I have no idea what that meant, but the next night my cousin asked me to pull over where that sign was, and she said that she was changing the sign into a big peace sign. Being away from home for so long, I had to ask what it was all about, and she said that someone painted those rocks white and people are making words and symbols out of them. There have been a few swear words, some dedications, and other markings like the 420, which I suppose was the time they did the rock writing. Just for kicks, I guess, but it was kind of cool. I certainly don't see that in the mundane world of the metropolis.

Now don't get me wrong, the metropolis has a life of its own, but there is something about small towns that give them such existence.

Another eccentricity of my home town was illustrated when I saw nearly 10 pairs of shoes dangling off a single telephone wire. I can only assume that it was due to a bunch of excited kids at the end of the school year since there was a school at that very corner of the street. I'm not saying that I condone such behaviour, and perhaps they could have expressed themselves in a less harmful way (you know, hazards of the shoes destroying the wire), I'm just saying that it was interesting to see. Kind of like artwork because you could almost see the excitement of the kids as they tossed their shoes in the air.

Certainly, there are many more idiosyncrasies, like the day I saw a heck of a lot of black smoke in the air, so I rushed to see where the fire was coming from, and what do I see before my eyes, practically the whole town staring at a blazing trailer (no one inside or injured). There were regular citizens directing traffic; people standing on the side of the road talking with others as they watched the blaze; and others who merely came for the show. Even though I wasn't living there anymore, I must say they made me feel like I had never left.

I guess this article doesn't have much of a point to it, but I needed to get that thought down. It's a new experience for me being in a metropolitan area, and I'm sure there are others like me that may be able to relate to this story. looks like I'm not the only one

Nope, nothing beats a small town. Love the place I'm in now, but home will always be home.

Check out this review of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. If you have seen it or if you haven't, you'll never see it the same way again.

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Posted by Samantha at 02:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Michelle Malkin has a link to a story about an anonymous person who picks up the tab for a proud father and his marine son.

Certain details of this story brought back memories, specifically the part of the anonymous charity person insisting his name be kept private. Someone a great deal wiser told me, "Charity giving should always be done completely anonymous, and never be used to seek self significance". Unfortunately, I slaughtered up a paraphrase of what was originally said so eloquently.

Believe in the army or not, what this person did in the restaurant for the marine and his father was supremely classy. The person was not giving in order to see personal attention, to promote any ego, or to brag about the giving. This person gave because of a belief in something; something he or she believed was the right thing to do.

Far too often I've see people practically put out press releases or draw attention to themselves when they give out charity donations. How many times has a celebrity or big business person created his/her own fake generosity persona by telling the world how wonderful they are because they gave to this or that cause? That is not class; that is self promotion. If you want to give, keep it private. Enjoy the knowledge in confidence that you did the right thing for what you believe.

Yes, I know big names often lend their names to a charity to help draw attention the charity. Perhaps this is generous, or perhaps it’s just another attempt to seek the lime light. Might these gifts be an attempt to wipe away a feeling of guilt about their lucky fortunes in life? I possibly have a cynical view, and who am I to fairly judge what’s in their hearts?

All I can relay is the importance of following your belief, rather than ensuring a pat on the back is brought in your direction. Kudos mystery person. Kudos to you.

Update: The marine story is hugely popular. The Land of Ozz has an article on the technical issues of having a really good story.

Update 2: Michelle Malkin has found another story, this time about Little Caesars.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
A Good Problem [by The Land of Ozz]

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Posted by MrBig at 09:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Some high school student in Kansas was convicted of battery and sentenced to spend 4 months cleaning throw up off police cars after the student threw up on his own teacher. The teen’s behaviour in vomiting on his teacher was considered an assault since two peers testified against the teen, claiming that he told them he did it deliberately. Further, the teacher who received the attack stated that the teen, who was already failing his class, “made no effort to avoid throwing up on him�. MSN News

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Posted by Samantha at 02:51 PM | Permalink

I have to admit when I walked into the movie theatre I wasn't expecting the world from this movie. The reviews were mixed, of course with all the negatives coming from reviewers who always shoot down "popcorn" films. Naturally, these reviewers have basked themselves in countless movies they lose the love of simple popcorn films.

Like all comic book movies, the first movie is always about teaching the audience about the super heroes and villains, how the characters gained super powers, and how the characters adapt to life with those powers. This virtual fact guarantees first comic book films expend hefty portions of time on the character and less time on clobbering.

The ratio of humour to action that is in action and comic book films is probably a scientifically researched topic on the Hollywood lots. Ever since the dawn of the laugh track and perhaps even before then, Hollywood scientists have been feverishly using beakers, flasks, and questionable experiments on animals to solve the mystery of humour in television and film. The lab techies must have been on strike for the Fantastic Four, as I wasn't sure if I was watching a comedy or an action/comic film.

But it worked! Unless your humour gland is completely fried from overdosing on reruns of the The Beverly Hillbillies, you should walk away with at least a smirk from this film. The cure for the humour impaired: a good old dose of Monty Python followed by Weird Al's UHF, and cemented with the best of The Simpsons.

Now the one thing that can spoil popcorn comic book films is reality. If you know a bit too much on genetics, cosmic radiation, space, chemistry or just about any science at all, your brain may ruin the film. Thus, note to self: "disengage brain when watching film". It's a popcorn film people! Don't expect a level of reality anything greater than a typical Michael Moore film!

So we've got the The Thing, Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, the Human Torch, and the malevolent Doctor Doom. The Thing, cleverly played by Michael Chiklis, was by far the best character of the lot. The rest were almost forgettable, and even perhaps annoying in the case of Johnny Storm/Human Torch played by Chris Evans. I don't blame the actors, the script failed them. Perhaps they'll get another try for the Fantastic Four Sequel (yah, like Duh, we didn't know that was coming). Although the evil transformation of Victor Von Doom into Doctor Doom (played by Julian McMahon) was one of my favourites, if you exclude the Skywalker to Darth Vadar progression.

Mr. Fantastic played by Ioan Gruffudo was about as fantastic as the early days of Microsoft Windows. Look at me, I can stretch! Wee hah. The Invisible Woman for all intents and purposes was invisible throughout the film, and the Human Torch was entertaining, but annoying. Ok, so I'm being a bit harsh, they weren't that bad. They each had a few key moments of comedy, which forgives them of their wrong doings.

The script played out naturally, again suspending all scientific belief, in the sense that the characters were put into their situation and how they would respond folds into exactly how the script was written. Alright, I admit, the love stuff was a bit weak but for some reason Hollywood insists on throwing in love interests into every film. Yes, the characters were feeble except The Thing and Doctor Doom, but in context it works overall.

On the whole, if you are in the movie for a popcorn film then go see the Fantastic Four. Besides, how do you expect to be able to see the sequel which will be far more action packed without watching the first film!

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Posted by MrBig at 01:16 PM | Permalink

You know what my pet peeve is right now? It's all the suing that's going on, primarily in the states. I know this doesn't apply to the majority of my US friends, but a vast number of complainers are finding the craziest things to sue over. Like the old hot coffee lawsuit. Well Duh! Coffee hot. Or the recent burnt butt allogation Duh, chemical's burn.

I mean, you wonder why society's becoming overly sensitive, or too politically correct. EVERYONE. IS. AFRAID. OF. A. LAWSUIT. If anyone even gets a whiff of possible trouble, they backpedal and change to become more PC.

But here's a thought (and even if this show isn't my shot of vodka), I am very surprised that reality tv like Fear Factor still exists with all the animal and animal parts eating going on. How is it that animal rights activist groups like PETA haven't bombarded the set with protests and caused media frenzies over the cruelty of animals? I am kind of glad that they haven't squashed the defiant show because it demonstrates that society isn't yet doomed to be a prudish wimp.

So, when it comes right down to it, I guess we have to ask, is it really worth it, does it really matter if a few bugs get eaten, a few buttocks get burned, or a few hands and tongues get scalded?

Please people, rethink if making money on a lawsuit or griping for the sake of hearing your own voice is really worth it.

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Posted by Samantha at 03:26 AM | Permalink

I would love to see a new version of the television show Married... with Children, wouldn't you? That is, if it could manage to stay out of the world of political correctness.

That's right... tough luck to the whiners; go sue somebody else and leave good tv alone.

about the show

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Posted by Samantha at 03:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

1. What is your corporate policy on drug usage?

2. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds it may self-incriminate me.

3. I don’t last long at any job because my bosses constantly go missing.

4. Well, yes, I’ll happily do overtime, except before 9am or after 5pm weekdays, weekends are out, and I can’t do anything without my coffee breaks.

5. Pull my finger!

6. Want to see my puss-filled open wound?

7. Oh, I remember you now! I’m the guy who used to steal your lunch money when you were a kid.

8. So I says to her, *hick* ... no... oh, wait, did you *hick* says that? *hick* hey man, I never met you before man, but I *hick*... I just want to tell you... I love you man! I really do *hick*.

9. I have many skills! Want to see me put a quarter up my nose?

10. Look, can we hurry this up? I’m not getting any younger, and by the looks of things, neither are you!

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Posted by MrBig at 12:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What will we do? The worlds between the soft-cheesy music and the rap crap are colliding as Moby finds new “respect� for Eminem??? MSN Music

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Posted by Samantha at 03:33 PM | Permalink

Karla Homolka gives an exclusive interview with SRC, the French-language service of the CBC. (photo: SRC)

Right about now just about everybody in Canada and many throughout the world know about the Karla Homolka case CNN.com.

After being sentenced to 12 years for manslaughter in the slaying of two schoolgirls in Ontario and the 1990 death of her 15 year old sister, she was released from a prison in Quebec, Canada. Upon her release, Homolka sought a ban on the English-speaking media and chose to be interviewed only in French, claiming that the English-speaking media spent years degrading her name and flat-out mistreating her in the news. Considering what she went to prison for, I can hardly blame the media for telling the truth.

Talk about psychological manipulation. Choosing not to speak to the majority of society (that is to say a heck of a lot more people in this world speak English than French) suggests that Homolka was attempting to hold power over people in a most subtle and detestable way. Do you really think that someone who is mentally bent on holding power over people – be it by domineering a little child or controlling mainstream society – is able to change into a better person if she’s fresh out of prison and right back to her old habits? Sure, I guess time served means you are allowed a fresh start in life, but do you really think a demented sole who instantly peeves people off is capable, or even willing, to get a positive start? You know, she said immediately that she was afraid she would be killed once she was out of prison, but then once she got out, she came across like she was looking for confrontation by refusing to speak the language of the majority. I, for one, am not buying it that she’s reformed.

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Posted by Samantha at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

After sitting on a toilet at a Denny's, a Kansas woman has filed a lawsuit because she alleges she was burned by chemicals left on the toilet seat Washington Times. Kathleen Williams claims that she didn't see the chemicals as she sat, but soon after, the substance began burning her derrière and she was taken to the hospital. Her lawyer is claiming that she is now suffering permanent nerve damage, she has to take pain medication, and she has to wear undies for her hind quarters that are made for burn victims.

Talk about getting the bum's rush!

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Posted by Samantha at 12:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

On Michelle Malkin's website, there are two stories back to back that I thought are really related.

First, there is the story of a nut ball set of American lefty protesters deciding that going nude and protesting will somehow affect people's minds about the war. Good luck with that, eh? LOL.

Next, there is a story about American rightist who get insulted for their appearance by the lefties.

Now, I'm not one to be judgemental... HAH! Good one... [wipes tear from eyes] But have left-wing Americans taken a preverbal peek at the looking glass lately? Come on now, my lefty American friends, are Michael Moore, Helen Thomas or Janet Reno really prize dates you want to bring home to the parents?

Just so you know Americans, broken mirrors also happen in Canada too. Joe Clark, a right-wing in Canada, isn't exactly going to take home the May Flower Prize based on looks.

Warning: Zombie has pictures of the nutballs, which are inappropriate for work.

So be nice lefties! Be nice righties! Be nice my American friends. FOR. THE. LOVE. OF. CANADIAN. MAPLE. SYRUP. BE. NICE.

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Posted by MrBig at 08:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This is one job I would be thinking twice about mentioning to friends. Imagine all the jokes that Frank Mitloehner hears when he tells people that he is a cow flatulence researcher in California.

"There are more than three million cows in California, the vast majority living in the booming Central Valley, home to some of the most polluted air in the country. How much to blame the cows and how much to blame the cars for the bad air is no small concern," USA Today.

According to Mitloehner's gaseous research, which is still underway, cows emit less VOC's, volitile organic compounds, than thought previously. Furthermore, he was shocked to find that the majority of the emissions left by cattle was coming from their gas rather than their manure. The main compounds that are released are methane, methanol, and ethanol.

The question exists for emission regulators, farmers, and enviromentalists, "Is this something that we really want to do, try to regulate a living thing?" said J.P. Cativiela, a program coordinator for Dairy CARES USA Today.

Of course because Mitloehner's aromatic study may prove that cow farts are not bad on the environment, enviro-nuts everywhere will probably be up in arms trying to dispute Mitloehner's research, claiming that there are other factors negative about raising cattle on farm lands. For instance, the land should be left to grow naturally without herds of cattle trampling it, masses of waste will destroy the earth, or PETA would be in on it, perhaps whining that cows belong in a natural habitat instead of being cooped up behind fences. But *sigh* if we must eat meat and use dairy, we'd better make sure they are free-range cattle.

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Posted by Samantha at 02:14 AM | Permalink

Just as in the Columbia flight, which lost 7 astronauts in 2003, the Discovery flight was launched July 26, 2005 and instantly lost a pieces of foam and gained tile damage upon take off. You'd think that the problem would have been fixed after the tragedy of the Columbia expedition, but for some reason they ran into an identical error. Fortunately for the 7 astronauts inside the Discovery, the foam debris did not hit the wing like it did with Columbia, which means that there is no visible extensive damage caused and hopefully the 12 day flight will end positively. More on the Debris Issue

Update: See Discovery.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Apparently, body parts can have a purpose even after they aren't attached to us any longer. Get this, a man named Ezekiel Rubottom had his foot amputated, but chose to keep the member in a bucket of formaldehyde on his front porch as a piece of art. What's more is that police seized the "artwork" from the man after a complaint was called in to them about some children seeing a severed foot on some guys porch. The police confiscated the foot to make sure that it wasn't a part of a crime - you know, it's not every day that my foot goes out on its own and holds up a bank. Ok, lame attempt at a joke. At any rate, the foot was properly returned to Rubottom once the foot could be cleared of all criminal activity and it is now safely sitting back on the porch in its... rightful place? Guess the police really had their foot in their mouth on this one. Boy talk about someone with a foot fetish. I guess with it being a piece of art, there's nothing like a really good foot message. Talk about being foot loose and fancy free. Ok, ok, I'm done.

Full MSN Article

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Posted by Samantha at 03:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Yay, hockey, hockey, hockey, we love you! I am thrilled to know that the NHL is set to begin again in October NHL.com. I admit I was worried for a while that they would close down shop and perhaps resurface in the distant future as a crappier version of the sport, but my fears have been averted. So what if I had to wait a full year to see my favourite team and players kick butt on the ice. It was a long full year for me, though. Oh, and speaking of kicking butt, I'm curious to see how the Bertuzzi-Moore incident will effect the game. Bert. vs. Moore

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Posted by Samantha at 06:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

A heartfelt condolence goes out to the families and scouts affected by the tragic loss of four scout leaders from Alaska.

Having been a scout previously, I know the dedication these volunteer leaders give to ensuring children have positive experiences and roll models growing up. I'm certain they will be thoroughly missed by those who love and respect them.

For those who wish to donate or write personal condolences to the families, you can visit the Western Alaska Council website.

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Posted by MrBig at 04:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Well, Duh!

Really now! Do we need a news article on the subject? Fortunately, I've not been to the hospital often, but I don’t remember the food being the highlight of my visits. I seem to recall cafeteria food at my elementary school way back at the dawn of time being way more enjoyable. Let’s be frank, "deep fried tape worm surprise" sounds more appealing than most hospital food I’ve tried previously.

See in Canada, we have socialized public health care, which basically means that we all get the same crappy service without the right to purchase better care. To be fair, most who work in the Canadian health care system are wonderful people, who are working ridiculously hard for little pay relative to their American counterparts. If someone is working in the Canadian health care system, it's not for the money.

While having said that, I’ve met some nurses and doctors who are mean SOBs and should have their license revoked, or worse, forced to be cared for by other doctors and nurses like themselves. Fortunately, they tend to be few in number, and the working conditions are not always pleasant so I can image a few being a tad cranky on occasion.

What does socialized medicine have to do with the hospital food? Absolutely nothing... or does it...? Think about it. Mwhahaha.

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Posted by MrBig at 03:29 PM | Permalink

U.S. might have another case of mad cow disease on it's hands.

While I could remind my American friends how absolutely insane the US went when Canada found it's first mad cow case before the US, I'll pass on the cheap jab. Hmmm... Maybe I won't. Basically, Canadian beef was banned with extreme prejudice. The border was locked up tighter than nun's underwear. True, the closing more likely had to do with protectionism and less to do with mad cow disease, but, wow, did American officials go nuts over the issue!

Being a Canadian, I thought I'd put out some helpful hints for my American friends on how to spot cows that may be infected with mad cow disease. The signs are often subtle and unnoticeable to the untrained, but having worked on a farm in a former life there are some sure signs of unhealthy beef.

Here are signs your cow may have mad cow disease:

• You notice the cow preferring the taste of other cows instead of their typical diet of grass, hay and grains.
• Mysteriously, you see cow patties forming crop-circle patterns in the field, without any reported UFO activity.
• A milking cow may suddenly produces espresso milk frappe instead of regular milk.
• You notice a cow wearing a stereotypical French beret.
• You notice a cow obsessively watches Judge Judy through the farmer's living room window whenever the show airs.
• A cow suddenly breaks into a chorus line dance with its rendition of "Hello my baby, hello my darling, hello my rag-time gal."
• You notice a cow digging holes and burying grass as a dog might bury a bone.
• Night after night, cows mysteriously disappear while the cow bells of the missing cattle collect around the neck of a suspiciously behaving cow.
• You could absolutely swear a cow is staring at you whenever your back is turned.
• Finally, your cow has the "mad cow look" as follows...
• click here to listen to the sound of a mad cow

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Posted by MrBig at 02:15 PM | Permalink

While driving through town the other day, I happened to catch a glimps of 10 seniors wearing reflective jackets while walking down a street filled with prostitutes shooting up and spacing out on the curb. Shockingly, the sight of high whores was not the image that caught my attention - it was the elders shining in my eyes as I drove by.

My cousin was in the car with me at the time and asked what was going on. Jokingly I said, "oh, it's probably the prostitution police." Intrigued enough, we had to pull over and ask these aged flashers why they were out on the street.

The reflective seniors told us that they were trying to clean up the street that held 165 prostitutes on average. They not only volunteer to clean up the streets of these criminals and junkies, but they do so at their own peril. Amongst the verbal abuse they face by the prostitutes (being called whore healers and sworn at routinely), they also face the possibility of being stabbed by a needle or physically assaulted in some way.

Is this really how our respected elders ought to live their lives - fighting crime? Where were the actual police (I know it's a stale cliche, but they WERE at the coffee shop eating donuts)? Where are the laws that help clean up the streets? Where is the remaining population aged 19 to 65 who should be the ones working for our elders rather than them working for us? Oh sure, we're working 10 hour shifts and raising families.

Good excuse.

For your information, we do much less work than our ancestors did in plowing fields, raising livestock, and building their own homes with their own two hands all the while raising more than the measly 2.5 kids we tend to raise in this day and age. No, sorry, your excuse for laziness doesn't cut it with me. Those volunteer heroes out there worked harder and longer than any of us ever will, and don't you forget it.

Better yet, do something more and volunteer your time since you have so much of it.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:30 PM | Permalink

I beg to differ mongo man, aka Mr. Big. Those idiots taking up space on this planet, who drive slow in the fast lane, exist outside the lower mainland of BC as well. And, to make it worse, they tend to come out at the most inopportune times when you require getting to a place BEFORE the end of the earth arrives.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:31 AM | Permalink

In this day, .COM domains are scare resources. Trying to find a spell-as-it-sounds and easy to remember name is almost impossible. However, I found no end of certain types of domains you would think to be registered.

So without further ado, here is the Top 10 Domains You Would Expect to Have Been Registered:

HonestUsedCarSales.com
GreatTastingVeganFood.com
HigherTaxesWinsVotes.com
RationalProtester.com
SkeletonFreeCloset.com
PoliticallyCorrectSouthPark.com
ILoveUnions.com
UpfrontPolitician.com
DrugFreeSociety.com
IntelligentCelebrity.com

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Posted by MrBig at 10:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I swear, highway drivers are completely maddening - at least they are from Vancouver.

To give context, Vancouver highway 1 has three driving lanes. The inner lane is reserved for carpooling only (thanks enviro-weenies).

Now, I must digress here for a moment. Can anyone explain why it’s better environmentally to pack a whole heap of virtually idling cars into a massive parking lot day after day, on a highway while one lane sits practically empty? This logic makes especially good sense when I hear enviro-weenie radio advisories to never to idle the car for more than ten seconds while gazing at an entirely empty highway lane, eh?

The two outer lanes are for those of us who work for small business, which statistically seem to employ the majority of populace. Some interesting things about working for small businesses and carpooling are finding a person who shares the same schedule, lives in the same area, and whom you can tolerate for a ride every day. Altogether, that seems to be about the same odds as a box of cream puff donuts lasting at a Rosanne Barr look-a-like convention.

You'd think that given the lack of lanes, those who insist on driving 10km/hr (about 5 mph) below the average speed would want to keep in the slower lane (which is usually the right lane for those just learning road etiquette now) for the benefit of other drivers who would like to spend time with their family before the next great Canadian caribou migration. You'd think that, but you'd be dead wrong.

I’m not sure if these drivers keep in the left lane out of paranoid fear of changing lanes, lack of good medication, or if they are simply oblivious to the lane beside them being empty. Passing the rows of these drivers at mach speed in the right lane yields no greater pleasure release. Well okay, that’s exaggerating a tad, but it’s up there in the top 10 list.

Now slow drivers, who maintain a pace within car bumper distance from the driver to their right, tend to block both lanes making passing impossible and making blood pressures rise. They drive me mad. Mad I tell you. Mad! Down Mongo! Down! [Insert Monty Python laugh track here] Worse, these driving parasites are inattentive to the traffic jam building in their rear view mirror. Would it kill these drivers to keep right? Hmm... perhaps it might, if these traits are a sign of bad driving.

KEEP. RIGHT. PASS. LEFT.

... got it Vancouver? Good.

Update: Incidentally there is a Twilight Zone(tm)-like barrier where suddenly drivers learn the "keep-right" skill somewhere when driving outside the lower mainland of BC. Can someone do a scientific study on why this mysterious barrier exists?

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Posted by MrBig at 09:44 PM | Permalink

I don't want to know what the PERFECT poop is supposed to sound or look like. I just don't! click here to visit Oprah Poop

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Posted by Samantha at 05:16 PM | Permalink

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Posted by Samantha at 04:29 PM | Permalink

Like any parent with deferred-parenting skills might do, I took my kids to see Charlie and the chocolate factory. Having seen the original 1971 version, I have to admit I was eager to see how a great kids story would be modernized as only through the mind of Tim Burton.

Before entering the theater, I knew Tim Burton's new film would be a bit different and likely lean towards the dark genre of films, but what I did not expect was the absolute disregard for political correctness. Being a bit of a movie buff, and having watched many old films, I’ve always enjoyed the stark contrast compared to modern films. Today's films endorse sex, graphic language, and violence, but shy away from anything controversial, which might be condemned by the political correct police.

This film, aimed at children, broke so many PC rules that I wish I had a score card just to keep up. I’m truly unsure of how Hollywood managed to sneak this film out without a protest from some activist group, especially PETA.

Picture this, a milking cow suspended in the air, while creepy Oompa Loompa’s whip the milk. Okay, a bit bizarre perhaps, but nothing that unusual, right? I mean, we all know cow’s milk is used for whipped cream. Well, the scene is much more ominous - those Oompa Loompa’s are using real whips while the cow lets out ear curdling moos. I couldn’t quite catch if they were whipping the drops of milk, or the cow itself. Why didn’t PETA break into the Hollywood set and rescue that poor cow? Think of how many retakes from how many angles that poor cow would have had to go through. What kind of message does whipping a cow send The Children(tm) on how to treat animals?

While on the whole PETA kick, I thought it’d be fair to talk about the other abused and mistreated animals: The poor digitally trained squirrels. They work in the factory sorting nuts. PETA - they work in conditions not fit for humans, let alone animals. Imagine a huge open hole in the middle of the floor where any one of these squirrels could fall down and get incinerated on Tuesday after spending the rest of its short life in a pile of garbage. The stench that rises from this hole would be unbearable. Those squirrels work in a sorting area cracking nut after nut. Where are the repetitive stress injury lawyers when you need them? Not even the Oompa Loompa’s were subjected to such working conditions. Those squirrels didn’t even have fresh water to drink from when they needed to rest. Is this the message we should be sending The Children(tm)?

To be fair, PETA shouldn’t be protesting alone. The society to protect endangered animals should have been in an uproar. If this film were properly done in the modern world, Willy Wonka would have sacrificed his life to save that obviously endangered massive insect species chasing Willy through the thick rain forest. Instead, the creature ended up as a tasty sample for the likes of Willy searching for exotic new tastes for chocolate. I ask - where is the anger?

And the diversity PC police should have been on this one.... Imagine a whole society of Oompa Loompa’s uplifted from their native land where they lived in harmony with nature and were forced to work for cocoa beans in a massive chocolate factory. This movie should be a modern day scandal. The whole Oompa Loompa story starts off with Willy Wonka insulting the native culinary dish of caterpillars. Next, the entire Oompa Loompa society is transported to his factory, and has not been let out for years. All the while the Oompa Loompas are kept as working slaves for the evil capitalist Willy Wonka. Worse, these labourors are used for Willy Wonka's scientific testing and experimentation. Their language is lost, their culture is lost, and their food delights are no more. How can anyone sit idly by and allow this to happen?

Union heavy Hollywood should have picketed this movie into the reject pile. An entire factory of workers is put out of work for the thievery of a few accused working class stiffs. The accusations are unproven. And clearly a generous compensation package was not obtained after one observes the nature of Charlie’s grandfather living in a single bed with two generations of Charlie’s family, and all the while, Willy Wonka hordes the profits of his successful chocolate empire. The workers are replaced with cheap Oompa Loompa workers and are locked out of the factory forever. Why did the unionist not save Charlie’s grandfather’s job? Why did they allow such anti-union propaganda in a children’s film?

All kidding around aside, the film is uplifting in a dark, creepy way. Imagine a film that teaches morals, instead of moral relativity. Imagine a film that does not push some kind of traditional-PC agenda down children’s throats. How refreshing!

What others are saying about the movie:

• Cross Blogging
• Darren Barefoot
• brnz.net

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Posted by MrBig at 03:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Quick Cut n' Paste HTML code to display this banner:

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Posted by Samantha at 10:36 AM | Permalink

What is with public officials wanting to sell public highways, bridges, and roads to private buyers? Can you explain what good could come out of that? A couple of years ago, the Coquihalla highway in British Columbia, Canada was to be sold by the province to a private company. It raised such a stir that protestors stood at the toll booth expressing their outrage, which inevitably led to the province dropping the issue. I guess protestors don't just make good tear gas targets after all; they can have a purpose. Personally, I can't see a private corporation maintaining road conditions. I can, however, very much see them boosting the toll expense to contemptible prices. My opinion, which is probably an extremely realistic one, is that people would be paying unreasonable prices to get from one place to another on a road not fit for any horseless sleigh. How far will privatization go and will it be worth it when it comes right down to it? That's what I'd like to know.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:33 AM | Permalink

Child care systems such as daycares, after school centres, and school systems can be quite the same at times. Anywhere you have children, you seem to have adults griping about them. A Kindergarten child that I care for had a tough start at the beginning of the school year: he was hitting, running with scissors, pinching, and just about any other scary thing you can think of in a classroom situation. He was not diagnosed with any disorder; his issue was having a lack of social contact, and not to mention all of the major changes in his life right at the start of the school year. His mom moved into a new house, his dad moved into a new house, his nanny at the same time quit, and I entered their lives.

Talk about stress!

Anyhow, the point I'm trying to get to is that his teacher had no problem complaining about him to me right in front of the child. I often had to ask him to go play so that he wouldn't have to continue listening to what he did wrong that day from a teacher whom he looked up to.

It's important for a child to know that what s/he did was wrong, like punching if that's the problem de jour, but dwelling on it can have a negative effect on a child.

All I needed to know was that something happened and not hear about the problem repeatedly. After a while, I was so sick of hearing the griping about what he did wrong, that I stopped getting him at the top of the hill where the kids were let out from school, and I waited for him to come down the hill to me. The teacher didn't complain so much once I started doing that and only called me up to talk with her if there was a serious problem that day.

Yes, child care and teaching are challenging occupations - I should know - but adults need to know that children have ears, emotions, and brains. As www.dirtyolive.net writes to parents, "the child can hear and internalize everything you say - from a younger age than you might think." They know what their mentors are saying about them. Sometimes, it felt like we were talking about him behind his back in front of him. That's bizarre and a little repulsive... would you get away with that in front of a boss, co-worker, partner, friend, or family member? Children are people, too, and they need the same respect.

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Posted by Samantha at 08:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I have been editing for several years (6 to be exact) and have written short stories, storybooks, online articles, thesis papers, poetry, and newspaper articles on numerous topics.

What I can do for you is provide exceptional proofreading and editing for writers of fiction and nonfiction books, novels, blogs, manuscripts, textbooks, essays, brochures, and much more.

Details are essential to any writer, and that's where I excel. As your editor, I understand the passion and commitment you maintain in your work, and having my experience work for you ensures that your enthusiasm will be upheld throughout the writing/editing process.

To offer me a proofreading, editing, or ghostwriting job and to negotiate fees, please email.

The e-mail starts with sam and the rest is @samanthaburns.com. (Had to write it that way to prevent the spam).

For my own safety and security, I do not give out my address - at least not at the beginning of our working relationship, so I will only provide this service via email.

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Posted by Samantha at 08:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The following advertising opportunities are available on Samantha Burns.com:

1) You can place a blogad with Samantha Burns.com. Below the