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Q: Who is Samantha Burns?

Which one do you mean? There are plenty of people named Samantha Burns.

Q: Who is Samantha Burns that runs

A little about myself: After several years of living in one town and working and going to university, I recently moved to a new town with a new job caring for two kids. I have been the "nanny" for these kids (age 9 and 6) for a year now; and my boss MR. BIG, a long time friend, posts on this site occasionally as well. I have a major in English and Cultural Anthropology, as well as serious knowledge in educating youth. Before that, I worked in minimum wage hell, that is to say, the fast food industry, so I'm sure you'll be hearing a fair amount of ranting in that area.

I am Canadian.

Q: Who is this Mr. Big?

A long time alias for the bossman, and used here since Hank Hill (one of his favourite shows) said that moniker in a neat way to con, in a well-intentioned way, his paranoid friend Dale. Mr. Big can't post very often due to serious time constraints and a fairly demanding job.

He is Canadian.

Q: What is this blog all about?

As the tag line says "Frequently updated witty rants, opinions, news, and humour from the mind of Samantha Burns". On this site, you'll find tough questions are asked. Basically, if you aren't offending by something said somewhere on this site then I'm not trying hard enough. Most high ticket topics, like the war, major local or world events are rarely talked about here since every other blog talks about them at length and they usually do a much better job on those topics. This blog sticks to mostly humours angles on stories, be it from news or personal life, with the occasional serious rant thrown in to keep everyone on guard, especially to raze the moonbats.

Q: Can I steal stuff from your site and post it on mine?

You can borrow material for non-commercial uses and put it on your site, including altered forms, but you must link the borrowed material back to the original source on this site. Commercial uses need permission (and hopefully a dump truck filled with money) before using any material.

Q: Can I trackback from your articles?

You may trackback to articles. Remember trackback etiquette, "you must link to this post or your trackback is toast". In other words, you must link to the article you are tracking back from or the trackback will be tossed into the virtual trashcan. If you trackback to unrelated material then expect to the trackback to be removed, unless the article is an Open TrackBack Alliance post (OTA). My site. My rules. Bite me if you don't like it.

If you are spamming the site may you rot in hell and die a miserable death. Let me know where your grave is located so that I may leave a steaming present for you should you crawl out of your well-deserved resting place.

Q: What will happen to my comments if I'm an obnoxious blowhard who posts nasty comments and/or directs insults?

If you need an answer to this one, then may I suggest you are a moron, too.

Q: Can I tag you with a meme?

Please don't tag me. I'm not interested quite frankly. I have only responded to two of them and will likely not do it again, so don't be offended when I ignore it.

Q: May I send e-mail?

If you must, then you may send e-mail. The e-mail starts with sam or mrbig. The rest Had to write it that way to prevent the evil spammers from scanning this site and harvesting for e-mail addresses. I reserve the right to publish any e-mails I receive, especially those from moonbats.

Q: Do you support every person who comments on your site?

Absolutely, if that support involves obtaining straight jackets for the certifiable! Does this question really need answering? Haven’t we all read enough of those “Comments posted on this site do not necessarily represent my personal views, blah, blah, blah"? to know the answer to this question.

Q: If I put a comment on your site, will I get spammed?

Probably, but not because you posted on this site! E-mail addresses are not posted so they don't get harvested by spamming engines. While you may find some offensive things on this site, that kind of offensiveness will not be done. What kind of sick freak would do that to another human being intentionally?

Q: What are Top Blogs?

Top Blogs are ranked blogs in order of those blogs that bring the most traffic to Samantha Burns as automatically measured over a recent period of time. This is close to a traditional referrer list except the list only allows blogs that are recognized thus preventing spammers an opportunity to get on the list. Additionally, the list is capped to a maximum of fifteen entries and only unique visitors are recorded. To get on this list, you must be on one of the other blogrolls (this includes the random blogroll). The list is refreshed approximately every ten minutes and I do not guarantee it’s entirely accurate or will not miss valid referrals. My apologies to those in advance who send traffic to Samantha Burns but are not recognized; it’s not a perfect measurement.

Q: What are Reader Blogs?

These are blogs that both read this site and blogs that are read by Sam and/or Mr. Big. Most blogs link here, but a few do not. Links are great for finding out new and interesting material. The great thing about having a reader blogroll is reading the material from the people who find this site interesting.

I used to spend a fair amount of time tracking down and linking everyone who linked here but it’s been taking away time from posting, so now I ask that you let me know that I should add your blog to my reader blogroll. If you want to be on my reader blogroll, just ask by commenting here!

I would greatly appreciate you returning favour by adding The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns to your blogroll!

Q: Why do you not show the entire reader blogrol at once?

The reader blogroll once showed in entirety, but it’s grown too large and those in the middle of the blogroll were getting lost in the list. The list now chooses a random blog for the top blogroll position and then displays a subset of blogs that follow that entry. I’m hoping this gives everyone an equal opportunity at the top blog roll spot and thus more opportunity to get more clicks as a result.

Q: What is the random blogroll?

A random blogroll is exactly as it is described: random. This used to be part of a private blogroll for exploring new parts of the blogsphere, but several readers asked for it to be made public, and voila, it's now public. Keep in mind, this list will change as it's not permanent like the reader blogroll. You can use it to explore new and unusual blogs, as well as time-tested established blogs. If you received a hit from this site, and aren't on the reader blogroll then perhaps you are on the random blogroll. Don't feel obligated to link back, but let me know if you do so that I may return the favour and put you in the permanent reader blogroll. Hopefully that small visitor nugget will randomly like your blog and come back!

Q: You are a Jesus/freak/republican.

Umm. That's not even a question. The answer is no on all accounts. Before you name call, let's get some facts straight. Both Sam and Mr. Big are Canadian, and therefore cannot by definition be either a republican or a democrat. In fact, the opinions of politicians here, generally speaking, barely rise above the mold growing on toilet bowl scum. Next, not that there is anything wrong that, as anyone who has followed this blog knows neither Sam nor Mr. Big have not expressed any strong religious tones, so where exactly you may have got this belief from is a bit odd. In fact, all Jesus/freak/republicans are now extra welcome just to piss you off.

Q: Is it tough being funny all the time?

Of course not. Are you serious with that question? Don’t you get about a million bizarre ideas per day that you’d just love to spew out at any weirdo willing to read it? Ya… sure… it’s just so easy being the funniest thing since sliced bread (oh, wait, that’s not funny). You know what, if all else fails, borrow it from someone else. I have a ton of great fellow bloggers out there that I link to regularly because they are just so darn funny, too.

Actually, I think my humour all started when my uncle would tickle the heck out of me, and I would cry out, “stop, *giggle*, stop, I gotta pee"?, so he’d let me go and I’d run away laughing at him because I didn’t really have to go. My family would always roar with laughter at my silly antics, and I haven’t stopped since. I guess I’m sort of like a Canadian Jim Carrey in my household.

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