The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

1. What is your corporate policy on drug usage?

2. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds it may self-incriminate me.

3. I don’t last long at any job because my bosses constantly go missing.

4. Well, yes, I’ll happily do overtime, except before 9am or after 5pm weekdays, weekends are out, and I can’t do anything without my coffee breaks.

5. Pull my finger!

6. Want to see my puss-filled open wound?

7. Oh, I remember you now! I’m the guy who used to steal your lunch money when you were a kid.

8. So I says to her, *hick* ... no... oh, wait, did you *hick* says that? *hick* hey man, I never met you before man, but I *hick*... I just want to tell you... I love you man! I really do *hick*.

9. I have many skills! Want to see me put a quarter up my nose?

10. Look, can we hurry this up? I’m not getting any younger, and by the looks of things, neither are you!