The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns10 Things You Should Always Buy New
These are my picks for the top 10 things you should always buy new:
10. deodorant: you don't quite get rid of that not-so-fresh feeling when you share your pit-stick
9. hair brush: head lice, anyone?
8. underwear: crusty isn't just a character on The Simpsons, you know
7. toothbrush: mmmm... nothing like that minty bacteria taste in your mouth
6. razors: ouch, that hurts
5. food: nothing tastes better than something that's been pre-chewed for you
4. toilet paper: well, there is recycled toilet paper, but the thought is still kinda gross
3. brakes: Aaaaaahhhh... stop the car, stop the car. I CAN'T, I CAN'T
2. tampons: no comment
1. condoms: wah wah, change me.
Perhaps you have a better idea???
Comments
Your coffin: Manners! Mind those elbows!
Posted by: daen | September 27, 2005 05:45 AM
toilet paper
Posted by: moonbat monitor | September 27, 2005 08:07 AM
oh! oh! the condom thing reminded me of a hilarious (read: gross) story...
a friend and I were at one of our usual hangouts, a salsa club in T-dot. as is typical for her, she picked up some 3-words-of-English Brazilian construction worker, and as is typical for me, I laughed at her 1-drink-and-trashed ass and awaited the details the next day.
they fooled around, and were pretty much en route to gettin' it awwwn... he puts on a condom, and her weird Christian-y guilt shows up and she stops the whole thing.
he takes the condom off, and PUTS IT NEATLY ON THE BEDSIDE TABLE. "for tomorrow!" he says (seriously. SERIOUSLY.) and then turns over and goes to la-la land.
say it with me: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Posted by: lividia | September 27, 2005 08:12 AM
Colostomy bags.
(All I could come up with quick)
Posted by: Billy D | September 27, 2005 01:40 PM
As I always drink my Tiger beer outta the bottle I need to see the new bottle being opened, I dont want someone elses saliva or lunch remains etc .
Posted by: Stevo in HCM | September 27, 2005 08:00 PM