The Crazy Rants of Samantha BurnsFishing Father = Bloodthirsty Killer!
By Dangerous Dan (Note from Sam: if you're like me, you'll like the links in the article on the continued page)
If you haven't checked out PETA's anti-fishing site, then you haven't seen real crazy in action. It's the usual tripe you would expect from PETA and they try to use scare tactics to keep you away from fish (they're filled with toxic radioactive bacteria that poop mercury!). The really entertaining part, though, is their leaflet "Your Daddy Kills Animals." Here's a look:
Take a moment to look at the maniacal look on the father's face and laugh.
Here's what the back of the leaflet says:
Imagine that a man dangles a piece of candy in front of you. You love candy so you reach for it. But, as you grab the candy, a huge metal hook stabs through your hand and you're ripped off the ground. You fight to get away, but it doesn't do any good... You'd feel really scared, wouldn't you? That would be an awful trick to play on someone, wouldn't it?But guess what?
YOUR DADDY PLAYS THAT SAME WICKED TRICK ON FISH AND FISH GET SCARED TOO! ...
Your daddy waits until hungry little fish are tricked by what looks like a tasty lunch.
...
Since your daddy is teaching you the wrong lessons about right and wrong, you should teach him that fishing is killing and killing is wrong.Until your daddy learns that it's not "fun" to kill, keep your doggies and kitties away from him. He's so hooked on killing defenseless animals THAT THEY COULD BE NEXT!
PETA... bringing families closer together.
I can just imagine a little kid coming home and hiding Muffin and Spot in the closet to keep them away from dad and then breaking out in tears when he asks where they are. Here's how it would go:
Dad: "Where's Spot? It's suppertime"
Kid: "*sob* I don't... *snot choke*... want you... *snot choke*... to kill them! *sob, sob*"
Dad: "WHAT?!"
PETA clearly gets many donations from family therapists.
One of PETA's other sites is JesusVeg, which tries to make a religious case for the vegan life. Given FishingHurts, though, this concerns me. Jesus was, after all, a fisher of men and several of his disciples were fishermen. He also went fishing and helped fishermen bring in enormous hauls of fish. And then there was that time when he separated the loaves and fishes, which everybody chowed down on.
Kid: "Jesus... is... *snot choke*... coming after... Muffin! *sob, sob*"
Minister: "WHAT?!"
Kid: "He already went after the fish! *snot choke, sob, sob, sob*"
PETA clearly gets many donations from atheists.
Don't just stop your PETA tour with FishingHurts and JesusVeg, though.
Check out their other fine sites!
There's:
-Chris P. Carrot's 2004 presidential site featuring the slogan "Eat me!"
-The Lettuce Ladies featuring chicks who tour the country wearing lettuce clothing, begging the pick-up line, "Why don't we get some Ranch, go back to my place, and see where things go?" Most of the Lettuce Ladies are babes and you need to check out their turn-ons and turn-offs. Kayla (who is a non-babe and actually looks a little man-ish) says she's turned off by "flesh-breath" and also "runs in her nylons." It's the important things, people! I wonder if eHarmony has "flesh-breath" as a preference option?
Lettuce Lady Brandi. Two-Island dressing anyone?
-MilkSucks. Its take-off on Garbage Pail Kids in not to be missed.
-Then, finally, there's the anti-fast food sites, McCruelty, Murder King, Kentuckey Fried Cruelty, and the best, Wretch's Old Fashioned Murderers featuring Wendy as Chucky.
For the record, I ate my first veggie hot dog this past weekend. Or rather, I ate my first half of a veggie dog as the second half went uneaten; it wasnt 'very good. It would have been much better with some mysterious pork and beef parts in it. That's the problem with vegetarianism - animals are so darn tasty!
(thanks to my buddy Todd for pointing out the fishing father leaflet)
This article was contributed by Dangerous Dan. GO. VISIT. NOW!
Comments
LOL
I never looked at it that way!
Posted by: moonbat monitor | September 30, 2005 10:08 AM
Ha ha ha ha!!!!! Fish are smart? Oh, so that's why they end up on my line in the first place!
Dolphins are smart... FISH (like the kind we eat)ARE NOT!
Man, I feel like going fishing right now! I'd love to catch a big ol' bag of fish then smash them with a hammer (so they're all bloody and stuff) then leave the bag on the PETA doorstep! I wonder how many of them would shed a tear. Ha ha ha!!! PETA people need to give their balls a squeeze and stop acting like whiney little suck-faggets!
Posted by: Lingo Slinger | September 30, 2005 11:47 AM
Where's the one that says "your daddy smacks the hos around?" I'd pose for that one!
Posted by: Karl Elvis | September 30, 2005 12:01 PM
I'd like to see how long it would take for a PETA person to backslide if they were up on a mountain in shirtsleeves and the weather changed, it started snowing, the snow covered the trail- they're lost, all of their food was in a backpack that went flying over a cliff. All they have to help them out of the situation is a knife and OH what's this? A deer lying ahead in the snow, it's leg broken.
Posted by: Diane | September 30, 2005 04:47 PM
I read this as I was finishing my angus burger from Hardee's. Tomorrow after my college reunion I am going to sit down to a nice steak dinner (medium rare) then off to my own PETA meeting (People Enjoying Tasty Animals)
Yeah, I know that parody of the acronym is old, but it still gets up their collective nose.
Posted by: J Rob | September 30, 2005 08:45 PM