The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

The Perfect Woman:

- no no, you get sleep, I'll take care of the baby
- you work so hard, I'll do everything around the house including take out the garbage and mow the lawn
- yes, get out with the boys, maybe hit a strip joint while you're out. It'll be relaxing, and don't let me know what happened afterwards; keep it as your little secret
- no, let's spend the money on a big screen hdtv rather than me going shoe shopping. In fact, I hate shoe shopping
- I have this disorder that stops me from getting angry or PMSing

The Perfect Man

- here's your $1000 monthly payment to get shoes, clothes, and other goodies that you like, and go ahead, use the credit card on whatever, too
- no, I hate going out with the guys and getting plowed. I'd rather stay home with you, have a good in depth talk, and cuddle
- you relax, I'll cook, clean, and take care of the kids everyday after work - you're so wonderful and beautiful you shouldn't be lifting a single one of those delicate fingers
- really, wow, and then what did Mabel say?
- you can drive