The Crazy Rants of Samantha BurnsYelling Bad, Spanking Bad
Corporal punishment has been unacceptable for some time now and yelling is now considered to have a negative lasting impact. So, what do parents do now that they have to change the pattern of discipline that they were raised with?
I was spanked, too, as a child, so I know that it's difficult to know the right thing to do now that I am the disciplinarian (and yes, I realise that a lot of psychobabble tells me that I'm wrong for calling it discipline, but SUCK IT, I say it as I see it). As a nanny, I came into this household following the discipline that the father used and by using what I was taught in university with how to correct behaviour.
Well, at this point, I'd joke with you about how I lock the kids in a room and torture them by making them watch the news all day rather than playing their video games, but if I did mention that, some idiot out there would probably take it seriously, do it to their kid, then sue me for making their kid psychologically unstable, or something. That's just how stupid the legal system can be sometimes when a person is able to sue others over the idiotic choices that the person makes.
Once again, I rambled. This article is about using alternative strategies of discipline rather than corporal punishment and yelling. It is believed that yelling can have more devastating impacts on children than spanking did.
Some alternative strategies of discipline mentioned in a msn family article:
1. Defuse the situation with humour - laughter is the best medicine
2. Sing - you may come across as a 'tard, but it's better than yelling
3. Send the child outside - if they're old enough
4. Whisper - the child will actually have to listen to hear what you're saying
5. Invade the child's space - by gently putting hand on child's face so that s/he looks directly into your eyes, then simply tell the child what is needed of him/her, don't shout; this is a technique useful with children diagnosed with autism, but works well for all children
6. Insist once, and act immediately - give one, AND ONLY ONE, warning that some will happen (eg. time out or loss of a privilege like playing video games) if they don't do what you asked them immediately. If it doesn't get done immediately, you act and do exactly what it was you warned them you'd do.
So many times, I've known parents to give empty threats, and it is so useless. Following through is the only way to ensure that the child learns the necessary skill of completing a job requirement when asked to.
7. Put yourself in time out - cool off
8. Create a key phrase - eg. saying something like uh ohhhh with a stern look can be enough to get a child to change or improve a behaviour. Sometimes, just a look with a raised eyebrow will work depending on the situation. Practise putting on a "teacher" face.
9. Create a no yelling rule - berating your child or allowing them to berate you can have a long term negative impact, so it's best if no one is allowed to yell
For myself, whenever I have to deal with a situation between the kids, I think to myself,
"Is this really a worthy battle? Can they figure it out for themselves? If I have patience and let them do it on their own time, will it get done or do I need to enforce this issue? Is this a necessary life skill that they need to learn to be successful adults later in life?"
That is most important to me - what will help the child grow into a healthy, competent adult.
Comments
i think you should change the name of your blog . . . to the healthy (and often thoughtful) crazy rants of samantha burns . . . good stuff on papaer . . . deployment is critical . . .
Posted by: david | September 7, 2005 05:32 PM
Well, these techniques work for me as a nanny and the father of the kids, plus every teacher who's been through a decent programme when gaining their degree, so I thought I'd share them. Yes, hopefully parents either already utilise these ideas or will try them out.
Posted by: Sam | September 7, 2005 05:42 PM
Kids need a good whopping now and again. Preferably every Sunday, just in case you'd done something wrong and your parents hadn't found out about it.
Just like I was... And I turned out alright.
Posted by: peemil | September 7, 2005 11:07 PM