The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

It is believed that Catherine Zeta-Jones spends £24 per bottle of air, which is flown to her in Los Angeles from Wales. That's right, I said

BOTTLE OF AIR!

After learning that a businessman named John Gronow was bottling the Welsh atmosphere, Ms. Jones began purchasing the product to give to family, friends, and guests.

Did it ever occur to her that she was merely buying an empty bottle? Those better be really, really nice looking bottles for that cost, plus shipping. Ms. Jones must be a sucker for those infomercials if you can get her to buy AIR. I can't believe it; that's just about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

If feel bad for Zeta-Jones (ok, well, not really), though, because she seems a little homesick for Mother England. She mentions on occasion that she'd like for her children to grow up knowing that Wales is their home. She claims that she loves L.A., but it's shallow. Ya, that's right, she says L.A.'s shallow of all things. Gee, you don't think buying an empty bottle filled with "Welsh air" is shallow do you Ms. Jones?

Perhaps that is a perfect reason for her to purchase air, though, as it seems one textbook definition of being shallow is to be "marked by insufficient inhalation of air". Maybe she has honest intentions with the bottles: to inflate her little head with something of substance.

That's almost as bad as purchasing a star for your loved one or friend. Ms. Jones, if you're willing to buy that product, then I have some ventilated condoms to sell you.