Halloween For All
Michael Jackson fans are not amused... but I am.
The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns
Crazy Sam cartoons from the mind of Samantha Burns
Support This Site
Find concert tickets including Martina McBride tickets, Radiohead tickets and Bette Midler concert tickets.
Jump on these Led Zeppelin tickets, Hannah Montana tickets, Bon Jovi tickets, TSO tickets, Radio City Christmas Spectacular tickets and many more concert tickets.
Check out our concert listingfor the best shows - Radio City Christmas Spectacular tickets, Carrie Underwood concert tickets, Tori Amos tickets, Foo Fighters tickets, Celine Dion concert tickets and many other major event tickets available at RazorGator.com
CrispAds Blog Ads
« September 2005 | Main | November 2005 »
October 31, 2005
Support This Site
HAPPY HALLOWEEN
From The Churning, lol.
Pop + Mentos = ?
On this treat-filled day, I'll share a link to a trick done with sugary goodies.
Here is a neat experiment or great way to splatter people with pop.
And, to think, all I ever had were pop rocks and soda.
.jpg)
PLUS
EQUALS
How To Destroy Your Dog's Life
If you're into animal abuse, check out this site: spoiledrottendoggies.com.
It's atrocious.
For full benefit of this dreadful site, check out deluxe, licensed, male, female, unisex, and holiday dog costumes. Of course, there are other interesting, but twisted things on that site too. Like, dog hats, or dog teethers that, to the demented mind, might look a little like sex toys.
Christmas Cancelled?
With the approach of Christmas, comes more questioning about the relevance of Christian holidays in schools.
Dust My Broom shares some information on Florida's Hillsborough County School Board's ban on Christmas at public schools after a Muslim group, CAIR, attempted to get their religious holiday recognised as a day off. The result was a complete ban on all religious holidays.
Lost Budgie Hyscience,and Outside The Beltway duke it out over the issue.
Lost Budgie and Hyscience are contradicted by Outside the Beltway, who claims that Christmas and Easter aren't being cancelled, despite what the news suggests.
It's an interesting discussion and one that I don't exactly have the answer for. The school calendar shows that time is being taken off for "winter holidays", but the school board attorney claimed that was only because "so many people celebrate Christmas that businesses can't operate on that day".
Good Friday, is however, no longer on the list of days off, and the only reason Easter isn't taken off the list is because it falls on a Sunday, which makes it a mute dilemma.
I don't know about others, but I've never considered Good Friday
Update: I meant to finish this article by saying that I never considered Good Friday as anything other than religious, and if the school were to cancel it as an important day, then I would likely take it off regardless. In all reality, kids take off so many sick days that another one, as a religious day off, wouldn't hurt. The schools don't need to make it time off because families can choose that for themselves. As for the teachers who respect it as a holiday, they should not be persecuted for taking the day off, similar goes with other religious holidays that teachers want to take off.
In addition, I had a great public school experience growing up and I fully support them, and I know that it is the responsibility of the governments of those systems to make them better, but I'm not getting into that rant here.
Intro to Moron Of The Week #7
Holstein Grove is the one to beat this week as Rachel guessed correctly on Madonna.
Who will be this week's winner? Can Holstein Grove maintain the title?
Here is the standard info to the game:
To your left is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?
PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.
Lowblow Unrealistic
This would probably be of interest to some of my readers, Independent Sources takes a look at Barbara Boxer’s book, A Time To Run.
The book implies that conservatives were not loved as children. As Independent Sources states, "There’s no doubt what she believes: loving families = liberal; abusive families = conservative".
I can imagine that any conservative people reading this right now may be writhing in anger over such an attack. I must say, don't let this get to you because I believe that's the intention. Talking sh*t about people is the low road taken by Boxer.
And, it is thought to read like a cheap romance novel with cheesy lines such as
"She turned to Greg in silence, pulled him down beside her, raised her arms so he could take her T-shirt off. She was naked under it. He ran his hands over her silky, olive skin, her her slender wrists in his hands, and bent to kiss her throat. "I thought I knew you," he said, "But you're a total surprise.""... Her shirt was very short, and Josh found himself mesmerized by her pefectly shaped silken legs, with kneecaps that reminded him of golden apples ... and her lusterous thighs."
"...He wished Ellen was up there on stage with the kids where he could see her and feel the support flowing out of her, but she was in San Francisco at a meeting with the Hotel and Restaurant Workers Union."
So, if you are up for cr*p literature or want a good laugh at the liberalist mentality, you can buy the book from amazon while supporting this site. But, like I said, that's only if you like to read cr*p literature.
October 30, 2005
DC Blogs Links Article Lists
If you're doing some random weekend blog reading to ease a little boredom, DC Blogs shares with us some blog links.
I have taken a couple of the ones I perused and posted them here:
Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset: list of important traits for men over 30.
Baby bananas for everyone...: list of things on work desk.
Al Shamsoon
Dangerous Dan discusses the Arabic version of The Simpsons and all of the changes they will make to the show that should make it (in Bart's words) "craptacular".
I agree that The Simpsons will be hard to replicate with good ol' Moe's Tavern.
Should "Brainstorming" Be Banned In North America?
I can't believe things could go this far, and how much further can things go?
David Farrar shares with us a list of political correctness gone bad.
One of the worst, and most stupidest, is a ban (from Ireland) on the word "brainstorming" because it could offend those with brain disorders.
Perplexing Panda Problem
Freedom Monkey House brings us a thoughtful query.
My response:
I think it would bring us a bereaved bear bacterium buzz, or it will create a mysterious mammal malady madness.
October 29, 2005
Top Ten Reasons Men Are Happier Than Women
Contributed by Tony from Sand in the Gears.
1. We don't have to sleep in the wet spot.
2. We have the affection of the far more lovely and talented sex.
3. Very little is expected of us, so when we do something right, it's usually a welcome surprise.
4. Vasectomies are far more expensive than the pill.
5. Childbirth.
6. Peeing in the snow. Don't judge if you've never done it; it's really quite exhilirating.
7. Having an orgasm is not a complex ritual requiring the right mood and a precise alignment of moon and stars.
8. Sagging is not as much of a threat to our emotional well-being.
9. High heels, panty hose, make-up, bras.
10. With the creative use of commas we can limit a 10-item list to ten items.
Contributed by Tony from Sand in the Gears. GO. VISIT. NOW.
Note from Mr. Big: HA - In your face Samantha! First, intelligently fisked and now outdone, as us men have our own superior top 10 reasons!
The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns - LBW
For those whom haven't heard, The Spoons Experience is closing his doors. Well sort of... Wish you well Spoons!
It's another LBW, but I have some Saturday and Sunday goodies for you.
Have a good weekend!
Consider this an open thread and an Open TrackBack Post (OTBP).
NOTE: Trackbacks must link to this post or they will be removed.
GO. READ. The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns
Mmmmm... Poop Donuts
I don't think anything gives one permission for this behaviour. It's putrid.
Dianes Stuff tells us of a disgusting person who put dried up human feces on donuts to retaliate for poor service at a Fiesta Mart.
Great, now I'm going to have to smell all my food before I eat it.
I'm not going to say much more about it because Diane gives us a good read on it, worth checking out.
I think the person who did it should have to eat his own donuts, plus the donuts of the guards at the prison that he'll hopefully be staying at for some time.
Doomed By Octal Conversions
Conservative Cat has informed us of a new conversion system that CNN and others may be using in the near future (if not already).
It is important to read about it because the conversion system may aid moonbats like Sheehan in their anti-war efforts, and we don't want that.
October 28, 2005
Halloween Diet Tip
For those concerned about their weight during the upcoming holiday with all the candy sitting around your house (and I know it can be hard to fight it), I have a very important Halloween diet tip to share with you.
Although MSN Health provides you with a guide to control your diet during this treat-filled time of the year, I have supplied you with the best health tip that I can come up with.
I subscribe to this train of thought, and if you are watching your weight, I recommend it to you.
If you are trying to watch your weight... don't eat the candy.
You're welcome.
You didn't expect more from me, did you?
Getting Hoff
Found this over at Random Numbers who got it from File It Under...
It's probably best enjoyed by the ladies:
The 2005 Canadian Blog Awards
I want to thank the person, or persons, who graciously nominated me for the 2005 Canadian Blog Awards, under the categories of Best Humour Blog and Best Personal Blog.
That is, I'd like to thank the person(s), but I can't because I'm not sure who did it. If you could let me know, I'd greatly appreciate it so that I can either thank you publicly or privately, depending on which you prefer.
Regardless, it's nice to know my writing is worthy of a nomination in those categories. For those of you interested in voting for me, you can do so from November 24th to November 30th. I'll be sure to write more on it as it comes closer to voting time because I want to score big, lol (no modesty here), and I'll be linking to the site where you can vote for me and others when it comes time.
Thanks to whoever nominated me; it's makes me feel pretty darn good.
(I never in my life thought I'd have to say this cheesy beauty queen and Hollywood award phrase, but it's an honour to just be nominated)
Hair Raising Experience
It seems a baby baboon at the Paignton zoo has been licked... a lot. Reggie, born 3 weeks ago, should be covered in hair, but mommy licked it all off. Likely, out of extreme love and happiness.
A zoo spokesperson said that they are all toying with the name of the baboon, saying that it should be called Gollum from LOTR instead.
Talk about having a mother's love and being coddled too much.
And, I thought my mom babied me too much with wanting to know where I was all the time and making sure I dressed proper. That baboon is constantly groomed by its mom.
Yes, I am equating my life to a baboons.
Moron #6 Revealed
Kudos to all those who guessed correctly. Go here to see all of the guesses and to check out the sites of all those who gave it a shot.
I've been calling this one a moron since the beginning of her career. This Moron Of The Week #6 is the "queen of pop" Madonna. And, that means that this week's winner is Andrew at The Essayist and Shockingly Provincial has been dethroned [MrBig update: WHOOPS SAM! I believe the correct winner is Rachel from the Holstein Grove]. Thusfar, only Difster and Shockingly Provincial have been able to maintain the title for 2 straight weeks, will Holstein Grove be able to go for 3? We'll see.
Oh, so now you want the reason why Madonna is moron of the week? Like you didn't already know.
Cone boobies aside, Madonna is a moron for numerous reasons, and although I can't list them ALL here, I'll do my best.
Most recently, she was noted on the Drudge Report as saying that people "are going to go to hell, if they don't turn from their wicked behavior". Ok, I don't see her giving up the sin of greed or living modestly to help "clean up" the modern world, or the Beast as she moronically calls it. Hypocrite.
This wannabe altruistic, martyr-like stance of hers stems from her latest religious move towards the Kabbalah. Yes, Madonna, or Esther as she calls herself as a Hebrew name, claims to have cleaned up her life after Sex, but many, including some Kabbalist rabbis, don't buy it.
Many rabbis have become displeased with Madonna after they found that her latest album (which has a November release date) features a song called "Isaac", which is about Yitzhak Luria, "a 16th century Jewish mystic and Kabbalah scholar". As Jewish law forbids the use of the holy rabbi name for profit, the rabbis believe that Madonna's song disregards and disrespects the faith she claims as her own since she will clearly profit from his name.
Some rabbis believe Madonna will be punished from the heavens, and another rabbi calls for her to be thrown from the community altogether. Yes, Madonna has made a mockery of herself again. What's worse is that in 2004, she visited many significant Kabbalah sites in Israel, but never once travelled to Luria's grave. To me, that doesn't show a lot of faith if she can sing a song about the man, but not respect his impact on the faith by paying her respects. Hypocrite.
And, all of this sudden change of heart and faith comes notedly just before her album comes out (*publicity stunt*) and after the big, public smooch with Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.
Yes, that's right, if you haven't already heard or *shudder* seen, Madonna attempted to get one step closer to a tawdry porn video by kissing the other cheesy stars. Well, guess what, Esther, you're too old for that one. The wrinkles are already showing. So much so that she was painfully turned down for a reprised role as Eva Peron in a stage version of Evita. Andrew Lloyd-Webber states,
"She's not right for the part. We are looking for people in their twenties for goodness sake."
Ouch! That's gotta hurt. And, perhaps aging has gotten to the 47 year old Madonna, too, because she has been spotted having two plastic surgeons visit her London home and she was to meet another in New York. Hey, I guess if you can't age gracefully, at least weigh your options with the surgeons.
And, this is so typical of Madonna anyhow. She was never one to go against the grain. She has always only intensified the trend of the time rather than setting her own. And, that continues to this day with her sample use of ABBA's "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (A Man After Midnight)" in her new song "Hung Up". Madonna followed the trend again, but only this time she's off by a year or two. Sorry Madonna, but ABBA music and that disco/retro trend is so done with.
Okay, what else is moronic about Madonna? Let's go into the history books and her dating record. How about the time she asked Michael Jackson to the Academy Awards. As stated at OC Weekly,
"whether she really tried to seduce the half-woman Pedophile of Pop—okay, alleged pedophile—is better left unknown".
I also like the fact that she was married to my first Moron Of The Week, Sean Penn. Now, how's that for moronorific? Perhaps morons travel in packs because she also reminds me quite a bit of Barbra Streisand by the way she "prophecy"s world problems and how she takes herself way too seriously. Serious and off her rocker.
And, let's not forget her hypocritical behaviour with her children, Lourde and Rocco (of course, Hollywood baby names, like I said she follows trends, not creates them). Moron Madonna apparently does not allow television or junk food when she is watching the kids, and no magazines or newspapers are allowed either. She states,
"My kids don't watch TV. We have televisions but they're not hooked up to anything but movies. TV is trash. I was raised without it."
Uh, ya, okay Madonna. HYPOCRITE. You can appear on tv and make millions off of it with your videos and magazine interviews and such, and all the while your kids are living it up on that "tainted" tv money, but they aren't allowed to watch it? Makes a whole h*ll of a lot of sense to me. Duh!
And, how about that fake British accent? Moron. And, she says things about herself like
""I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art," Material Hurl, OC Weekly.
Hey, scientists! Put the lab rats away, we have a volunteer. That's one experiment I wish were botched.
And, being the hypocrite she is, although she carries on with a fake British accent, she states,
“My ambition may be American, and I may have married a Brit, but my heart belongs to France"
And, as if I haven't written enough on this moron, I also have news that she's become professor Madonna. It seems that Madge attended a film course as professor for the day to teach students at New York's Hunter College about film.
Ummm... Prof. Madge can't teach film when her movies blow.
And, speaking of blow, Madonna has acquired the fourth spot on the list for most embarrassing sex scenes named by Empire magazine. Her 1993 film Body of Evidence gained her that prestigious spot because the scene is considered "a sad, risible attempt to shock and titillate".
So, although I could probably go on forever, there you have it. Madonna, errr... Madge, errr... Esther, errr... skanky whore, errr... wannabe, errr... hypocrite is rightfully Moron Of The Week.
For those interested in reading on about Madonna's moronic escapades:
Madonna VS. Marriah
Madonna defends Kabbalah exploits
Photos of her at a premiere
Material Hurl comments Not a Desperate Housewife
Trucker Madonna
Madonna breaks bones
Madonna's embarrassing sex book
Madonna joining biddy brigade?
Launch of "Hung Up"
The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Ouch! That's Gonna Leave A Mark [by Common Sense Runs Wild]
Top 10 Reasons Why Women Are Happier
Here is a list of the top 10 reasons why women are happier than men, or at least, why they should be.
1. the kitchen's all ours
2. we get control of the wedding plans and we get to look the best at our wedding
3. chocolate makes up for orgasms that men rarely give us
4. reading men is like reading an open book, whereas men can never understand women
5. we can get into a popular bar much easier than men; we just show some cleavage
6. we don't fart, we fluff
7. we know how to colour coordinate
8. we can build a man's ego just by asking him to open a jar
9. we get doors opened for us
10. we're not as hairy and we don't have to shave our faces
11. we aren't too chicken to ask for directions
12. scratching ourselves is not an hourly event in our lives
13. we can do two things at once: comprehend what someone tells us while we're watching tv, or pack a baby on our hips with a toddler holding our other hand and push a shopping cart while checking our grocery list and getting the cheapest, best products off the shelf.
Okay, so there were more than 10 reasons. I guess that's because it's just so darn good to be a woman.
Update: Sam you've been Fisked :P (HA-Mr. Big)
The following articles have trackbacked this article:
The Battle Against Sexism Continues... [by The Essayist]
October 27, 2005
Moron
No, not you. The one to the left there.
This is just a quick reminder to get your vote in for who you believe is the Moron of the week. Will Shockingly Provincial maintain the title for a third week, or can you beat the defender by giving me the answer now to who is the moron of the week?
Halloween Candy Scare
This is serious.
I suggest everyone read this article on what could really be in your kids' Halloween candy.
Consider this... a dangerous syringe concealed in a Twinkie or Butterfinger bar. Or, ex-lax given away falsely as chocolates or mints.
Or, what's worse, opening up a Tootsie Roll and taking a bite out of dog or cat feces.
The article suggests taking your candy to the community Halloween CAT scanner to ensure your kids have a safe, enjoyable, and spooktacular Halloween. I suggest reading the article in detail as it provides many useful insights.
Seductive Impulse Buying
Sharon Stone was reported to have opened a Louis Vuitton store in Paris in nothing, but a designer's coat.
One onlooker stated, "she was like a flasher!"
Other actors at the opening were Winona Ryder and Salma Hayek.
My guess is the store owner was trying to get Winona Ryder to wear a coat only, too, so that she wouldn't have too many pockets to stuff things into if she stole items.
Okay, I'm a heterosexual woman and all, but I know a hot chick when I see one. Imagine, fellas (and some ladies out there), seeing Sharon Stone in only a trenchcoat.
Now that would sell some products.
Men Giving Birth?
Scientists believe that it may be more of a reality than we thought that men will one day be able to give birth.
After a Canadian woman had a c-section delivery of a baby that grew outside her uterus, scientists think now more than ever that men will one day be able to have the same joy of growing a baby within them.
Ouch! I'd hate to be the first man to be the guinea pig for natural birth.
Of course, when we read this we are all reminded of Arnold Schwarzenegger's movie Junior.
I just don't look forward to seeing men if they were to breastfeed their babies, because you know with lactating men they're going to be squirting each other.
USA Today Doctored Condi Photo: Answer Here
A huge brouhaha started when Michelle Malkin brought to the attention an obviously doctored photo of Condoleezza Rice.
The images in question are as follows:
Drudge, a master of headlines, summarizes the situation well:
DEMON-EYES-ING CONDI: USA TODAY Caught Photoshopping Secretary of State...
The question is not whether the photographs photoshopped, as a half-brained monkey with a glaucoma could tell you the answer to that. The question is: Was the photoshopping intentionally manipulated to portray Condi with evil looking eyes. An important side question, when did photoshopping become an English word?
The best summarized knee-jerk expert reaction from Michelle Malkin's site Reader Scott J. writes:
I'm a prepress manager with twelve years experience and this is my professional take on it. The 'retraction' claimed that they sharpened the image and adjusted the brightness, they did not. The eyes were pencilled in at the pixel level by hand. (VERY sloppy, I might add.) Their 'retraction' is nothing short of complete bullshine.Here's the two images, simply split down the middle and combined.
Note the forehead and color on the face. No change from left to right. Only
doctoring was done to the eyes.
However, I do not believe that expert answer is good enough. Some attempt to prove or disprove the assertions of USA Today can be done. The editor’s note did confirm that some editing was done, but the claim was it was minimal and restricted:
In this case, after sharpening the photo for clarity, the editor brightened a portion of Rice's face, giving her eyes an unnatural appearance.
While the editor may have excluded some details when writing that comment in the interest of brevity, I will limit my attempt to reproduce the image to simple sharpening and lighting without any detailed pixel level manipulation.
Unfortunately the editor did not include a set of detailed steps to reproduce the exact image and frankly that’s a bit of a stretch to imagine that anyone would have written down the steps to reproduce. As such, I will have to examine the image for clues as to what types of transformations were done to the image.
First, I will resize both images to the same size. The original ‘real’ image is at 450x354 pixels and the ‘evil’ image is at 180x142 pixels. Maintaining aspect ratio, I notice that the image has not been cropped. This is good as at least the details are not lost. Disappointingly, the original image was saved in a very lossy JPG format which means the blocking artifacts of JPG will be present and distracting from the analysis.
To do this, I will zoom in on the before and after images to unreasonable levels typically reserved for the late 80’s style awfully ultra-close-up TV commercials.
The first clue is the shoulders. The real Condi image looks like:
The evil Condi image looks like:
Three observations can be noted:
1. The dark blue at the edge of the shoulders is considerably darker in the evil image
2. The light blue above the shoulder is considerably lighter in the evil image
3. The amount of light and darkness adjustment is not uniform across colours of the same lightness, but rather concentrates around the edges.
This type of editing is consistent with the "sharpness" that the editor notes. This does not prove or disprove the editor’s assertions that the eyes are unintentional, but does give credibility that a sharpen filter was applied.
NOTE: The distortion on the evil image on the far left of the shoulder is a block artifact caused by JPG compression.
Further examples of a sharpen filter can be found in other areas, such as the left ear:
The lips:
The collar:
... and various other locations: the other ear, the hair, the neck and yes, even those dreadfully wicked eyes.
So step 1: Apply a global sharpen across the entire original image. Why? Obviously every edge of the picture has been effected by a sharpen effect. Doing two forms of sharpen, a normal and a "more". I discover the normal sharpen closely matches the sharpen applied to the evil image in every area, except those devil eyes. Actually, I think they rather look like the eyes from Star Gate SG1.
I often note that finding anomalies can be best done by breaking the images down to their various channels. In this case I break down the image into lightness, hue, and saturation which correctly show the eye brightness difference and the similarity in edges between the two images for their saturation.
Original, lightness, hue and saturation broke down as follows:
As you can see the image is identical except for the eyes. This can only mean one thing remains, the eyes must have been separately altered from the rest of the image. However, the type of altering could have been with a fine toothed pixel brush (i.e. intentional altering) or with a broader "I want to enhance the eyes" brush.
Again, when looking in detail the eyes yield some of the techniques used to enhance them:
1. The dark black at the edge of the eyes is considerably darker in the evil image
2. The light of the eyes is considerably lighter in the evil image
3. The amount of light and darkness adjustment is not uniform across colours of the same lightness but rather concentrates around the edges.
4. The eyebrows post-sharpen are identical thus no additional sharpen was applied to the surrounding area.
So the conclusion: Likely a second sharpen filter was applied to only the area of the eyes. The question again becomes how much sharpen was applied? Without great precision I applied 3 times the sharpness as the original sharpen, except only to the eye area and voila – the image now looks like the evil image. For your consideration, which of the following is the original evil image [don’t cheat]:
I’ll admit this isn’t anything of a precision science; and further, I was using Paint Shop Pro and not Adobe Photoshop as the original "evil" image, so I can’t expect exact results. However, the results are very telling on their own.
My conclusion:
1. There is no doubt the eye area has special attention in photoshop.
2. A pixel level editing level did not have to be done to obtain the evil image and frankly would have been tedious to get the correct balance between lighter and darker areas.
Was this intentional? Absolutely! Was it with intent to make the eyes stand out? Yes, for sure. Was it to make Condi look evil? Doubtful. This looks like more of an attempt to air brush Condi by making her appear to have strong eye liner and bright eyes, and a more refined presence from the blurred background.
This type of editing is fairly common, although I personally distain it. If someone wants to sharpen contrast or lighten or darken an image, try and do so on a picture level rather than doing so on individual areas – it rarely looks ‘human’ and gets you into trouble.
For anyone thinking I’m defending the media, please note the Moron of the Week #5 article, and for anyone whom thinks I have a thing against Bush and company, please read Why this Canadian supports the War in Iraq.
For those new to this site, while you are here, why not check out more of Samantha Burns. She's a fantastically witty blogger and I'm the equivalent of the techie Igor around here.
Update: Another doctored photo has been found by Michelle Malkin and the original story found at Little Green Footballs.
For further reading on this topic and various opinions see:
- Rhymes With Right
- Mike's Noise
- Confederate Yankee: Photo Ethics Eludes USA Today
- Steel City Cowboy: USA Today Uses the Sharpen Filter!
- Independent Sources
- The Anchoress
- T. Longren
- GM's Corner
- Viewpoint Journal
- Little Green Footballs
- RedState.org
- Holstein Grove
The following articles have trackbacked this article:
A Response and Correction from USATODAY.com [by Mover Mike]
USA Today Keeps An Eye On Condi [by The Noonz Wire]
USA Today Wordplay [by T. Longren]
Lord Con'di [by Windypundit]
USA Today Doctors Photo of Rice [by In the Bullpen]
Black faces [by scoopstories]
Resolving The USA Today - Rice Photo Issue [by Riehl World View]
Condi Rice and Mystique: Separated At Birth? [by Daniel in Brookline]
Goldfish Bowl Ban
I retrieved this article at Speed of Thought and Boots And Sabers.
The weirdos scored another one in Rome this week as goldfish bowls were banned due to animal rights protesting.
It was stated in the article that
"round bowls caused fish to go blind. No one at Rome council was available to confirm this was why they were banned. Many fish experts say round bowls provide insufficient oxygen for fish...."
Okay, ya right, as if goldfish live long enough to go blind in the first place. Furthermore, cats could barely get their paws in those bowls, but now that goldfish have to live in tanks, they'll be more open to kitty attacks.
When are those freaks going to give up, already. I can't believe such a stupid issue caused a law to be put in place. And, what's with the government? Get a backbone already. Even Canada's liberal government wouldn't give in to such imbecilic whining (at least, I hope they wouldn't).
But, hey, if Rome is willing to settle with such moronic protesting, then I have to agree with Rachel from Holstein Grove:
"maybe all the PETA folk should move to Italy and leave North America to the normals".
Sorry Rome, we're sacrificing you so that the rest of us can live happily again. Want our moonbats too?
October 26, 2005
The Beetles
It is believed that all species of beetles are edible.
So, chow down.
And, the fetish, Formicophilia, is said to be the enjoyment of having small insects crawl on your genitals.
Put the two together, and you get one pleasurable night: dinner and a date.
*shudder*
*Sniffle* I Love You Man.
I get a lot of love from my readers, and I just have to say right now that I appreciate it.
You comment to me from time to time about how something that I wrote was funny, or that you rotflmao. Or, perhaps you add your own two cents, or you make my joke even funnier with your humorous comment.
I think it's great.
This blog would have died long ago if it weren't for this great community of people.
No, I'm not sucking up for anything, no plotting going on, just saying thanks.
Ok, back to talking about sh*t.
By the way, one of my computers that I had storing some blog names to blogroll decided to go down briefly and I lost the list.
If you don't see your name on the blogroll, but want to be on it, let me know.
Crazy Sam #7
The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Wednesday [by Conservative Cat]
We Already Know Hurricanes Are Windy! Go Inside!
Contributed by Moonbat Monitor
Another hurricane, another round of weathermen trying to outdo one another. This time it was Wilma that let the "weathermen on steroids" go out in hundred mile an hour winds and flail around like drunks on a trampoline. And I think it's pretty amusing to watch peoples' egos put them in harms way just to get their name out there, and to show in fact that they are the most dedicated weatherman in the universe!
I think a great idea would be to put all the different networks in communication with each other so the idiots...er...I mean dedicated weathermen know exactly what the other networks are up to. This would enable them to know for sure what exactly they'd have to do to convince all of us in the public that they are that one special weatherman. It would get pretty crazy. It might go something like this.....
Weatherman #1 : "Well, I'm outside now, and MY GOD is it windy! If you couldn't tell, just look at how I am walking at a 45 degree angle and dodging debris left and right! Am I dedicated or what!"
Weatherman #2: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Whatever, #1 - everyone knows I'm the real weather badass around here! Just look at me! I'm dodgin cocunuts while hopping on one foot AND I'm at a 45 degree angle! Ya see folks, watch my station, I'm totally the world's most badass weatherman! #1 - he's a joke"
Weatherman #1: "Ha Ha! So you think I've pulled out all the stops #2? Well, you're wrong! Just check me out now everyone, not only am I hopping on one foot at a 45 degree angle, but I'm hopping up the side of a skyscraper! Plus, the wind here was now just registered at 45 bazillion miles an hour! Just look at all these cars I'm having to dodge! Man, am I dedicated or what! #2 you say? Ha! I laugh at #2."
Weatherman #2: "Oh shut up, #1. I'm not eveeeen close to done yet! In fact, I've managed to tape my homemade, plywood hurricane-wings to my arms, and I'm actually flying around Ft. Lauderdale now, of course at a 45 degree angle against eleventy trazilliongazillion mile an hour winds, while dodgin cars, cocunts, stop signs, uprooted houses, and dead people! That's right, the death toll here is now up to 6 billion people, and I'm outside flying, people! Who is dedicated now, #1 you big pansy"
Weatherman #3: "Oh yeah, well I think both of you are wimps! Just look at me, everyone! I've outdone both of these girlymen! I am out here in these eleventy trazilliongazillion mile an hour winds, and I'm riding on the back of an endangered California Condor that I rescued, after I scaled a skyscraper, dodged, cocunuts, houses, cars, hand grenades, dead people, and Geraldo Rivera! Try dodging that goliath-sized moustache you non-Geraldo dodging wimps! AND, I'm flying this condor at a 35 degree angle! I am the king!
This would go on forever, or until one, or maybe all of them were beheaded by street signs.
Simple point here. We all know hurricanes are windy. We don't need to see these morons prancing around in them to get the point. The palm trees being uprooted and bent backwards kind of give that away.
So #1 and #2, just stay where we all know you belong. In the toilet. And #3...well...what exactly is a #3?
Not sure. But It can't be very pleasant.
"And I'll be right there, folks"
This article contributed by Moonbat Monitor
Good Evening
This story reminds me of Alfred Hitchcock's Birds movie; it's a tad creepy.
It seems a 61 year old man in California was found with 300 sick and dead birds in his house. Upon the discovery, the man was operating on a pigeon that he had sedated with vodka. Animal control found droppings everywhere inside the home and about 120 dead pigeons in boxes and bags alongside his house.
The man was reported by PETA and the remaining birds were euthanised because they were either sick or malnourished.
First of all, I'll bet PETA only snitched on the man because they were jealous of the man hogging so many birds. Although it doesn't say who did the euthanising, PETA probably also narced on the man because they were itching to euthanise some more animals.
What was the guy's intention of having so many birds, anyhow? What he planning on creating a super bird? Maybe he was going to stitch bird parts together to make a Frankenstein bird; or perhaps, he thought by putting a whole bunch of birds together, he could bring pterodactyls back into existence.
So, I guess we have to add to the joke about the old spinster with 40 cats. Now we can say the 60-something year old man with 300 birds.
October 25, 2005
Pumpkin Patterns and Projects
Extreme Pumpkins is the site to check out for all the cool pumpkin carving ideas you could come up with.
While you're there, check out some of the images of their carved pumpkins. Puking pumpkin part 2 in the photo gallery is pretty funny. And, the burger pumpkin in the contest winners 2004 section is awesome.
The following articles have trackbacked this article:
http://www.dianesstuff.com/?p=201 [by Diane's Stuff]
Halloween Humor [by The English Guy]
PC Police Strike Again
Moonbat Monitor shares an article on how lame political correctness has become.
We're told that the term "freshman" is being changed at Amherst Regional High School because, I guess, it discriminates against women. They are now pathetically referred to as "ninth-graders". I think by now, we are all aware that if someone says something like "freshman" it includes the entire student body at that grade level, and not just the boys.
You know what this leads to??? If someone, especially adults in official positions like teachers or the principal, accidentally says the term "freshman", some student is going home to tell mommy and daddy so that they can sue the pants off the school, the "offender", and the school district.
It's so pathetic.
Talk about reinforcing the negative image of a "sue crazy" country just because they're trying to maintain political correctness. It's not like extreme political correctness is aiding us, anyhow.
But, I think Moonbat Monitor's on to