The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Contributed by Jeff

Please fill out this form completely, non-completed applications will be executed. Any answers other than "yes" will disqualify you from employment.

1. Have you ever been convicted of a felony? yes no
2. Have you ever doctored photos with fake blood using photoshop? yes no
3. Are you familiar with the proper use and storage of pentobarbital? yes no
4. Are you an air headed movie star? yes no
5. Do you feel your opinion is better than everyone else? yes no
6. Have you released all of your pets free into the wild on Hollywood blvd? yes no
7. Have you been nurtured? yes no
8. Can you remember to CLOSE the top of a dumpster after a hard days work? yes no
9. Would say your personality is like a sheep because they are cute and sweet? yes no
10. Are you a playboy playmate that takes your clothes off for guys around the world to beat off to and think you have more class than everyone else? yes no
11. Do you have a lack of morals and have no problem distributing bull$h1t propaganda? yes no
12. Do you believe that children are our future and we should start brainwashing now? yes no

Thank you for applying at PETA and we hope you have a great sunshine filled day. Please take a sample of our vegi steak tar tar on your way out.

This article was contributed by Jeff.