The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Contributed by Moonbat Monitor

Another hurricane, another round of weathermen trying to outdo one another. This time it was Wilma that let the "weathermen on steroids" go out in hundred mile an hour winds and flail around like drunks on a trampoline. And I think it's pretty amusing to watch peoples' egos put them in harms way just to get their name out there, and to show in fact that they are the most dedicated weatherman in the universe!

I think a great idea would be to put all the different networks in communication with each other so the idiots...er...I mean dedicated weathermen know exactly what the other networks are up to. This would enable them to know for sure what exactly they'd have to do to convince all of us in the public that they are that one special weatherman. It would get pretty crazy. It might go something like this.....

Weatherman #1 : "Well, I'm outside now, and MY GOD is it windy! If you couldn't tell, just look at how I am walking at a 45 degree angle and dodging debris left and right! Am I dedicated or what!"

Weatherman #2: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Whatever, #1 - everyone knows I'm the real weather badass around here! Just look at me! I'm dodgin cocunuts while hopping on one foot AND I'm at a 45 degree angle! Ya see folks, watch my station, I'm totally the world's most badass weatherman! #1 - he's a joke"

Weatherman #1: "Ha Ha! So you think I've pulled out all the stops #2? Well, you're wrong! Just check me out now everyone, not only am I hopping on one foot at a 45 degree angle, but I'm hopping up the side of a skyscraper! Plus, the wind here was now just registered at 45 bazillion miles an hour! Just look at all these cars I'm having to dodge! Man, am I dedicated or what! #2 you say? Ha! I laugh at #2."

Weatherman #2: "Oh shut up, #1. I'm not eveeeen close to done yet! In fact, I've managed to tape my homemade, plywood hurricane-wings to my arms, and I'm actually flying around Ft. Lauderdale now, of course at a 45 degree angle against eleventy trazilliongazillion mile an hour winds, while dodgin cars, cocunts, stop signs, uprooted houses, and dead people! That's right, the death toll here is now up to 6 billion people, and I'm outside flying, people! Who is dedicated now, #1 you big pansy"

Weatherman #3: "Oh yeah, well I think both of you are wimps! Just look at me, everyone! I've outdone both of these girlymen! I am out here in these eleventy trazilliongazillion mile an hour winds, and I'm riding on the back of an endangered California Condor that I rescued, after I scaled a skyscraper, dodged, cocunuts, houses, cars, hand grenades, dead people, and Geraldo Rivera! Try dodging that goliath-sized moustache you non-Geraldo dodging wimps! AND, I'm flying this condor at a 35 degree angle! I am the king!

This would go on forever, or until one, or maybe all of them were beheaded by street signs.

Simple point here. We all know hurricanes are windy. We don't need to see these morons prancing around in them to get the point. The palm trees being uprooted and bent backwards kind of give that away.

So #1 and #2, just stay where we all know you belong. In the toilet. And #3...well...what exactly is a #3?

Not sure. But It can't be very pleasant.

"And I'll be right there, folks"

This article contributed by Moonbat Monitor