Well, congrats to Moonbat Monitor for maintaining the title for the second week in a row. I must say that I am very impressed with all the guesses made; it's awesome, especially when the silouhette was a difficult one. So, you have Moonbat Monitor to dethrone still, but I'm sure he's not giving up his title without a fight since no one has ever made it three weeks in a row. So, Moonbat Monitor probably wants that prestige badly enough to fight for it. On with the show.
From false vocals to false image, there is no one more deserving of being Moron of the week # 8 than Ashlee Simpson.
Riding the coat tails of her half-witted, trailer trash sister, Jessica, Ashlee jumps at any chance to be in the spotlight. So, here you have it Ashlee, you've got the spotlight this week as moron. Congratulations!
I suppose Ashlee Simpson is best known for her flub-up on Saturday Night Live. Simpson did fine on her first vocal performance of the night on the very popular, and very live, show, but when it came to the second song, Ashlee had her microphone to her side and her mouth closed when her voice began to ring out with lyrics to the song she had already "sang" (allow video to buffer). She was supposed to be singing the song "Autobiography", but the lyrics to "Pieces of me" began playing over the speakers.
How did it happen? How was she able to sing with her mouth shut?
Well, with the endless list of excuses, let's just say I'm surprised she didn't claim to be showing off her newly found ventriloquist skills, or at least professing that it was her bizarre tribute to Milli Vanilli.
Here is a list of the excuses she used:
- Ashlee blames her band
- Ashlee blames her record company, Geffen
- Next, it's her sound engineer's fault for cueing up the wrong song
- Then it's the fault of her hectic travel schedule
- After those don't seem to work, her father reports that she needed a vocal guide due to "swollen vocals chords" caused by "acid reflux."
And, all of this was after she had been quoted saying,
"...I'm going out to let my real talent show, not to just stand there and dance around. Personally, I'd never lip-synch. It's just not me."
Ashlee attempted to deal with the situation by doing a little hoe-down on stage. This is the resulting parody of her silly mix up.
Whatever the real reason for the lip-syncing, many have dubbed her the faux popstar. Considering her track record for sucky live performance, I'd say that label was pretty darn accurate.
Even The Spoof.com had to get a zinger in on the moron's SNL performance and her image by writing an article from Ashlee's plastic surgeon's point of view.
The reason for the joke on her nose is due to the size of her honker. It has been related in the same sentence to such Hollywood fame as Barbra Streisand.
You know you're someone when you're nose rises to Barbra Streisand nasal status.
Nonetheless, one post states it's offense to her lip-syncing:
"You have disappointed your fans. If you really can't sing, don't fake it. If you can, don't be so lazy. It may be too late anyway. You have seriously damaged your credibility. Blaming it on the band was the worst part."
And, taking advantage of it all, Ashlee dies a much deserving death at the hands of her father on this Mad TV spoof (this was a riot).
But, we can't blame her; she's just following suit. Like fake singers before her, Britney and Jessica for example, Ashlee Simpson knows that it only takes a few lessons in lip-syncing to become a popstar.
Further, like all wannabes, she has her own reality show, The Jessica Simpson's Little Sister Show, an MTV series. Okay, so that's a joke, but nobody really cares what the real show's name is, do they?
The worst is yet to come....
Ashlee was booed at the Orange Bowl earlier this year resulting from her SNL snafu, and also because she simply does suck as a singer (listen for the "you suck" shout about 24 second in on this video clip).
The outrage of her offending vocal has grown, as well. There is even a petition online in an attempt to stop her from singing again.
The Simpson girls can't be blamed for it all, though. They are mere puppets to their daddy's whims. He created their images and fame, and he decides which direction they are heading next. It is believed that Ashlee is nothing more than an "anti-Jessica", "dying her hair brown and giving her an edgier style".
Joe Simpson has also determined the direction of a movie when he refused to let Ashlee take part in a lesbian scene in her movie "wannabe" (what an appropriate title).
Mr. Simpson can be seen here, googling at Ashlee's wonder boobies (wonder where they are compared to her sister's chest, that is).
Now we come to the most recent reason why Ashlee deserves Moron of the week status: her embarrassing attempt at heightening her "bad-boy" image at a Toronto, Canada McDonalds (this video link is her moment caught on tape).
Here is the conversation from that unfortunate "terrorist" attack:
· After several loud complaints from Simpson about the service, an irritated employee says, “I need a manager up front, please!� Ashlee then begins to climb over the sacred service counter (have you ever?), shouting, “Please get the manager, I would love to talk to the manager!�
· When the employee tells her to get down, Simpson says, “Bitch, stop talking to me! I’m nice!�
· Ashlee then engages employee in an ‘I know you are but what am I’-style debate about whether or not the M.I.A. manager will “be nice� to her. So certain is she of said manager’s impending kindness, she offers to bet employee “5 million dollars that he will be nice� to her. Employee, working at a Canadian McDonald’s and not having a #1 record at the moment, passes.
· “No. I will not take a picture with you,� Simpson slurs to a fan. “You would not kiss my foot. So fuck you!�
As one blogger states, "how bad is it when you're the most embarrassing example of drunken white trash AT FUCKING MCDONALDS!"
Well, fortunately for me, I took an Ashlee Simpson quiz, and learned that I would not, in fact, be able to survive as a Joe Simpson puppet.
My results:
Like Ashlee, you prefer punk rock to polished pop and you've been known to wanna "la-la" from time to time. Like Jessica, your sense of humor makes everyone smile but you don't need your mom to help you do your laundry; you're perfectly capable of handling that on your own, thank you very much. Fluffy puppies in Louis Vuitton carriers probably aren't your thing either. A bull dog is way more your style. You could definitely hang with the Simpsons but overall, their family isn't the best fit for you. How about the Osbourne family? You'd have way more fun throwing hams (and curse words) with Sharon than you would singing carols with Nick and Jessica on their next Christmas special.
Although, I do take offense to the part where I could "hang" with the Simpsons, that is, unless they mean THE SIMPSONS, then that's another story.
So, there you have it folks. Ashlee Simpson is a moron and will probably always be a moron; I guess it must be in the Simpson gene or something.
Read further on this moron:
Let's not even mention her terrible fashion sense
Ashlee receives the coveted 2004 Knucklehead award
A good photoshop job of her cr*ppy green shirt
Ashlee at McDonalds video www.ifilm.com
Worst dressed list definately suited for the Simpsons girls
Ashlee's hygiene policy for tour, maybe she should create a good-singing-only policy too.
At least William Hung doesn't lip sync, so true.
Ashlee even has her own urban dictionary section, enjoy some of these doosies.
Ashlee in wikipedia
Ashlee defamed
www.lipsync.us has a comprehensive history of Ashlee's shotty-at-best career including some magazine scans relating her stories to the public. Also, check out that link for Tuesday, 2nd November "Ashlee Simpson Show Spoof, holy shit I havent laughed so hard in ages". This clip shows the most realistic and true to herself Ashlee we've seen yet (the ending is kinda gross).
Ebaumsworld spoof
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The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns
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