The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Whether you have or not, go do so at this site, 2005 Canadian Blog Awards. You can vote in every category, once daily until the 30th, and the more times you vote for people, the better chance they have of winning.

There are many bloggers worthy of an award, so I hope you head that way to vote. If it's going to be for me, I've been nominated in the categories of Best Humour Blog and Best Personal Blog.

Once again, good luck to everyone involved!

UPDATE: I've been told I'm second for humour and third place for personal.

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Posted by Samantha at 06:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Well, you may not get to be, but at least you can smell like him.

I know I've mentioned Alan Cumming's fragrance before, but The Moronosphere brings us a link to Cumming's fragrance advertisement that is beyond hilarious.

The Moronosphere also sends us to a link proving that Cumming is being sold for, uh huh, you guessed it, $69 a bottle.

Further, at the advertisement site, you can read how the lotion is called, "Cumming all over", "Cumming Clean" body cleanser, etc.

I love that man. Freakin' funny and Scottish to boot.

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Posted by Samantha at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Consider this an open trackback post and open comments.

ADVICE: Trackback articles you want to promote that are still on your main blog page, rather than articles about open trackbacks. You'll still get a link either way but this way you can showcase your work (and thus are more likely to attract a reader).

Check out to the right side bar who is doing open trackbacks this weekend, visit them, and link your best articles to their open trackback article, but be sure to link those you trackback in your own article.

Please do not link "I'm having an open trackback party" posts. They are not interesting for other readers and starting next week I'll be removing those links. I have a link on the right side bar already to those whom are doing open tracks, a second link is not required. I do understand some blogging software auto-trackbacks, so you are forgiven if that happens.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation" [by third world county]
Weekend Open Trackbacks [by Stop The ACLU]
Tax Hybrids? [by The Land of Ozz]
Saturday Morning Trackback [by The Truckin' Blog]
Oh, the Humanity [by Pirates! Man Your Women!]
Please, Sir, May I Have Some More? [by Freedom Folks]
Reid, Harry Reid [by Freedom Folks]
Why a Timetable is a Bad Idea! [by Pundits My *ss]
Convenient Targets [by Peakah's Provocations...]
The Best Argument For A 100% Inheritance Tax [by Don Surber]
The Next Wal-Mart Millionaire [by Don Surber]
We Won. Let's Go Home [by Don Surber]
Christmas 1, PC 0 [by Don Surber]
Kid's Got A New Toy [by Diane's Stuff]
Genocide: U.S. calls for more sanctions against Sudan, but Germany sees business opportunities [by Atlantic Review]
Lazy Weekend Open Trackback [by The Right Nation]
The Wretched Tale of Debra Lafave [by UrbanGrounds]
Saddam's Evil Continues [by Don Surber]
Front Page News Sun Nov. 27th [by Peakah's Provocations...]
The Knucklehead of the Day award [by The Florida Masochist]
Photoblogging The Reagan Library & Air Force One Exhibit [by SoCalPundit]
Fred Barnes pimps the Bush Amnesty [by The Tar Pit]

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Posted by Samantha at 05:09 AM | Permalink

The Bald Heretic has the fly guy who you can make fly around and do all sorts of funky stuff.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This is a little information and history on a location nearby to where I live:

Stanley Park is a fun area of Vancouver, BC to rollerblade, bike, sunbathe, picnic, you name it.

I'll just ignore telling you about the few night crimes that take place there once in a while, and I'll focus on my favourite moments there.

When my parents took me to Stanley Park when I was a child, we'd go down to the water and I'd pick up some seashells. I also saw some starfish stuck on rocks, which was pretty cool at my age of around 6 to 10. I still have the seashells I've collected from the park.

Another favourite memory is going to Stanley Park with my grandma and visiting the E. Pauline Johnson memorial. It was significant to me because I had done a large amount of studying on Johnson in my English classes as she was a native/First Nations/Indian poet.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
My Canadian-ness Article for Today [by Sakrata.com]

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Posted by Samantha at 01:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

That's right folks, there has been a breach at NZ Bear's top secret computer facility. While I did not perform the breach, I have in fact received the source code to the new link counting system yet to be released. The thief chooses only to identify himself as "Red Dawn Trackbacker".

Seems that NZ Bear forgot to apply a patch to a well known exploit to his TRS-80 also known as CoCo. The system, whose dates go back into the 80s, has been aggressively attacked by hackers looking for a challenge in recent years since attacking Microsoft products has been deemed too easy a target. Unfortunately TRS-80s still contain Microsoft Basic in ROM where this exploit was discovered and the patch has been difficult to obtain in recent years as Microsoft has discontinued support for 8k Basic (or any application that fits in 8k for that matter).

Some bloggers have questioned behind closed doors the authenticity of this source code and NZ Bear has neither confirmed nor denied the source code as genuinely belonging to his system.

While I would consider posting the source code as a breach of copyright, I will share some pseudo code logic for those whom are programmatically challenged.

while (system_is_still_barely_running())
{
   count_links_from_site()

   if (site.links_to("Don Surber"))
      ignore_links();

   if (site.links_to("OTA member"))
      count_links_as_1_tenth_a_link();

   if (site.links_to("Instapundit"))
      randomly_inflate_links_value();

   if (site.member_of("Big Blogger Friends of Mine"))
      artificially_keep_blog_at_top_100();

   if (site.mentions("NZ Bear in positive way"))
      move_up_in_ecosystem();

   if (site.contains("open trackback party"))
      treat_blog_as_evil_spammer();

   if (site.contains("carnival"))
      pretend_links_are_not_evil_spamming();

   if (site.contains("huge shared cheating blogroll"))
      count_all_links_anyway();

   randomly_order_blogs_despite_ranking();
}

So, there you have it folks. You can't make this stuff up! Controversy will surely follow this new link counting system.

PS. Happy American thanksgiving weekend all my American friends from this Canadian. I am thankful for all NZ Bear has done and support us bloggers and how fair he is trying to be. There is no perfect system, so let's go with the flow and respect that he has the right to do what he sees as fair. (not being sarcastic here people - the post is meant as joke - you know - ha ha)

Update: VoN has discovered a sub function I missed! Good find!

function Snob ( $url )
{
   $friend = member_of_friends ( $url );
   if ( !$friend ) {
      reTURN "Nose Up!";
   }
}

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Ecosystem Security Breach: Red Alert! [by The Truth Laid Bear]
Riffing Off Dumbledore/Open Post [by third world county]
Link Logic in the new (eco)system [by Random Yak]

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Posted by MrBig at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

This is a friendly reminder to go vote at the 2005 Canadian Blog Awards.

Go there to support your favourite Canadian bloggers on a daily basis until November 30th because you are encouraged there to vote in each category once a day.

Sam's categories: Best Humour Blog and Best Personal Blog.

FYI - I had two friends vote for me at the same time, I had them synchronize their vote time, and they both voted for me, we checked their results in the polls and found that I am presently in second place in both categories. I don't know if my friends will be around every day to do this and to let you know how I'm doing in the polls, but that's where I stand presently. It was only the first day of voting and you have to vote every day to really stay on top of it all, so who knows what will happen in the end.

I said it before, and here it is again, "I think it's a little strange that everyone has to vote daily to show their support, but there you have it. I mean, I don't recall being able to vote for my Prime Minister more than once, but then again, I didn't vote for him at all, lol."

Good luck to all nominees!

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Another kind of election... [by Lala Land]

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Posted by Samantha at 09:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Peace of My Mind wins it this week by guessing the correct answer, O.J. Simpson, and yes, you are right, Peace of My Mind, he certainly does deserve being labelled moron this week.

OJ Simpson, of course, is remembered primarily for the murder trial of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman back in 1994/95. Although he had an elaborate career as a football player, that paled in comparison to his low-speed chase scene in the white bronco and the court case that followed.

I still don't get the white bronco chase. I mean, the guy was travelling like 5 miles per hour and the police still couldn't catch him??? I'd say that the police should be moron of the week for that one, but na, OJ still takes the cake.

And here's why:

Recently, OJ freaked out, and not in a bloody, kill 'em all sort of way, but by vocalising his confusion over why the courts can find a person not guilty of a murder, but guilty for liability in a civil case of the murder.

OJ states:

"I still don't get how anyone can be found not guilty of a murder and then be found responsible for it in any way shape or form. If you're found not guilty, how can you be found responsible? I'd love to hear how that's not double jeopardy."

Okay, moron (and yes, I'm shaking in my boots by calling him that), here's how it works.... The murder trial was a case brought about by the law, the civil case is brought about by individual parties such as Goldman's family and Ms. Simpson's estate. As long as they have filed the case properly, anyone has the ability to sue anyone.

In this case, Ms. Simpson's and the Goldman's estates

"filed a survival claim, a vaguely defined action that can only be brought if a victim survives, perhaps even briefly, an ultimately fatal assault or accident. The law is unclear on how long a victim must survive and suffer to warrant a claim. The irony is that Mr. Simpson, to avoid a big payout, may have to try to prove that the murders were committed quickly and less painfully -- the exact opposite of his criminal trial contention that the murders took a long time."

Ah forget it, for some reason, I don't think moron OJ will understand no matter how many times we explain it to him.

Well, OJ lost his civil case in 1997, heh heh, which ordered him to pay $33.5 million and much of that judgment is still unpaid. What brought about his ignorant questioning of the the civil lawsuit "double jeopardy" is the lawsuit of Robert Blake, who was also found not guilty of his wife's murder, but was ordered to pay $30 million in the civil case.

Regardless, I think we all know the results of OJ's civil case. He is living off a pension and looking for any dime he can find these days. I guess you really do pay a price for being liable for someone's murder.

It is to laugh that OJ is living the senior's dream, though. I mean, he's living on a pension in Florida while taking up golfing as a hobby.

Watch out for those freak, lightening storms, there OJ, your ex and Goldman might find justice another way, *KABOOM* *KABLAMMO*.

PS - don't lift your golf club over your head either, lol.

In case you all didn't already know, it is the 10 year anniversary of OJ's ex-wife and Goldman's murder; at least, OJ is celebrating.

Oh wait, I guess he's celebrating his acquittal and not the murders. My bad.

He was recently spotted at a horror convention, Necrocomicon, signing autographs on shirts, hats, and footballs.

What, no gloves?

How peculiar it was for many to see OJ sitting at a table set up next to

"a promotional display for a splatter movie, a haunted house and such decorations as severed heads and limbs."

He must have felt right at home.

When asked if why he was there (without his "escape from the law" buddy Al Cowlings) was to make money, seeing that his acting list did not include any horror-type movies (well, not if you don't count his horrendous acting in movies such as The Naked Gun series), OJ responded that he was not signing autographs "for his health".

OJ was making $95 per autograph, considerably less than what he would likely be making if he didn't get himself wrapped up in a murder case.

And it looks like OJ needed that money desparately because he was also recently found guilty of pirating satellite television signals from DirecTV.

He was ordered to pay $25,000 in damages for having bootloaders connected to his tv, in operation and receiving unauthorised signals when his house was raided by police.

Aw, don't you just feel so bad for the guy.

And, moron OJ is looking to make some more money as his well runs dry by running his own Punk'd-like practical joke show called "Juiced".

Apparently, the show's catch phrase is "you've been juiced" and at times, has OJ in the same room with the victim and knives.

I think that would give me a heart attack, seeing The Juice in the same room with me and some knives.

While researching the show, I found this doosy of a "Juiced" transcript: My blog is poop. The ending of that pilot is worth the read.

And, his daughter's not doing so well either. It seems the 19 year old was arrested for resisting arrest without violence after slapping an officer, who had been called to break up a fight outside a basketball game, on the hand.

Hmmm... resisting arrest must run in the family.

Well, moron OJ, it is your 10th anniversary of being a moron. And, I suppose it is more than fitting that you are labelled Moron Of The Week # 10. Congratulations!

PS - I'm in fear for my life after writing this, and I think you know why.

OJ quotes:

This is one of my favourite quotes:

"Anybody who's been around me for any length of time in the media, they will confirm that everywhere you go, people love you, especially when I leave the country."

Another fav.:

"I don't know how often I can discuss one incident in my entire life, but I'll continue to do that."

Links:

Here is a funny link to check out: lots of goodies here. OJ even offers you up a platter for Thanksgiving there.
OJ wikipedia
Here is an OJ Simpson colouring and activity book

Congrats again to Peace of My Mind

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Posted by Samantha at 01:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Contributed by Lost In Lima Ohio

This doesn't appear to be the best of times for criminals. It's not just that they are making it into the news, it is the way they are going about doing it. I've decided to bring you a run down on the latest stunts which have made headlines.

My Own Top Ten Eight List Of Bad Criminal Stunts

10. Going out, partying a bit too much and due to being overwhelmingly drunk- mistaking the police car for a taxi.

9. On the run from police, criminal decides to hide in Church. Only to pick a church holding mass for the next shift of police officers.

8. Taking photos of your crime spree, and leaving the photos on the stolen camera. The camera was returned after the conviction, seeing as the criminals returned to the home to steal a computer cord which they had forgotten. This time, they where caught. *Next time, just buy a new cord.

I know Sam already mentioned this one- but I can't help myself:

7.. A man in Florida decided to go for a nice little crime spree of breaking windows while in the nude. When he began accosting women, the police where called. They requested him to stop- but he refused. The police then shot him with a Taser gun. All may have ended just fine, but the man was naked and "moving around a lot" and the officer didn't have the best of aim. Reports indicate the suspect was hit, in a "tender spot".

All I am left to say is, ouch.

6. Don't hide the body in a suitcase and leave the address label with your brothers info on, on the suitcase.

5. Don't use your boyfriends cell phone to call in a bomb threat to your employer. One flight attendant did in order to get the day off, my guess is she'll be having a lot of time off- since the call was traced back to her boyfriend.

4. Where's not the best place to hide while being chased by police canines? This poor criminal evidently thought it would be a dog house.

3. One should not try to outrun police when riding on the lawnmower they have just stolen. Police have cars, they go faster.

I know there should really be two more to this list. But that is the great thing about being the writer... I can stop when I want.

This article contributed by Lost In Lima Ohio

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Posted by lostinlimaohio at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you got a turkey for Thanksgiving this year, consider yourself lucky to not have a dumb, binocular vision one.

Snopes or no snopes, turkeys are believed to look up at the sky when there's a rainstorm; however, many drown as a result of inhaling water during this stupid act.

Happy Gobble-Gobble!

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Posted by Samantha at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Find out how to tell a Canadian woman apart from a Lesbian here.

I'm glad I read that because I was slightly confused myself beforehand.

I am Canadian.

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Posted by Samantha at 03:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Sam said I was suppose to say something about this piece of whatever it is was done by me. So:

This was done by me.

Wait, I think I was suppose to say contributed by Lost In Lima Ohio. So there I said it.

Every time Sam lets me steal a bit of space here, I spin half truths and lies for your reading pleasure. I try to start with something completely true... but it never seems to stay that way. Today, as a special Thanksgiving tribute, I am going to present a completely true story- although it in no way has anything to do with Thanksgiving. The only reason it is a true story is because I couldn't possibly think of anything to make me more embarrassed at the next PTA meeting than the truth already is.

My oldest child is 7. She's a girl so that naturally makes her tend to be a bit less into the "gross" things her 6 year old brother is. The boy is always trying to find ways of leading her astray- and after this last event I believe he may have finally broken her.

The second graders where assigned to write about their favorite winter activity. So, the oldest spent the night writing about the forts we painstakingly build every year. The following is the essay she compiled for the assignment.

Every year, we get to make a big fort. Everyone helps out. Dad makes the best forts ever! They are huge. This winter I want to make a bigger fort. It'll fill the whole yard up. I like making forts in the winter the best. Sometimes though, they get dirty. And then they are all brownish and melt. Mom say it's because we play in them to much. This year I am going to be careful with my fort so it will last a longer time. I am going to make the biggest bestest fort ever.

I'm not saying it was Shakespeare, but I happily approved it. So, you can imagine my surprise when I received the note from her teacher about it. Evidently, at some point my son decided to play Editor to my budding author and made the following changes.

Every year, we get to make a big fart. Everyone helps out. Dad makes the best farts ever! They are huge. This winter I want to make a bigger fart. It'll fill the whole yard up. I like making farts in the winter the best. Sometimes though, they get dirty. And then they are all brownish and melt. Mom say it's because we play in them to much. This year I am going to be careful with my fart so it will last a longer time. I am going to make the biggest bestest fart ever.

Needless to say, it will not be joining the other essays on the hallway wall at the school.

This article contributed by Lost In Lima Ohio

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Posted by lostinlimaohio at 12:27 PM | Permalink

Mister Snitch once stated that I could buy his vote in the 2005 Canadian Blog Awards if I showed him a cheesecake photo. So, here goes...

Mmmm... isn't this tempting. Fresh New York style cheesecake.

Worthy of a vote, right ;-)

I guess I could say, "pretty please with cherries on top" and really mean it, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I am now going to encourage you all to vote for me and other great blogs at the 2005 Canadian Blog Awards.

This is a great way to support us Canadian bloggers out there who are working hard to bring you our best.

Of course, I'm promoting myself because I'm all about the humour, and my nomination categories are Best Humour Blog and Best Personal Blog. I may not win for personal blog because I don't write about "my dog's dead and my wife left me", oh wait, that's country music. Never mind. But, I may not win in humour because up here Rick Mercer's a famous person and that's perhaps why it might win. Although, you can vote for me in both categories ;-) but also vote for others.

Voting closes on November 30th, which only gives you a few days to get your voice heard. Rules include that you may only vote once per day, which means if you vote for me every day from now until the 30th, I will have a better chance of winning and so will all those you vote for daily.

Think it's a little strange that everyone has to vote daily to show their support, but there you have it. I mean, I don't recall being able to vote for my Prime Minister more than once, but then again, I didn't vote for him at all, lol.

Good luck to all those nominated!

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (17)

Got this one from a non-blogging friend of mine.

'Twas the Night of Thanksgiving'

'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned - The dark meat and white
But I fought the temptation With all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
And gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
'Til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees....
Happy eating to all - Pass the cranberries, please.

May your stuffing be tasty, May your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy Have nary a lump,
May your yams be delicious May your pies take the prize,
May your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off of your thighs.

Here's a Thanksgiving cartoon care of Stop The ACLU

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
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Thanksgiving Weekend Blogfest Weds. thru Sunday [by Pajamas Media / Stuck On Stupid Blog]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Common Sense Runs Wild had posed an interesting question on the weekend that I found a worthy comment for.

Better left to go read it there yourself, the jist of it is, do you leave comments at every site you go to?

"Do you comment each time you visit? Do you think it's still possible to have a civil debate in the blogosphere?"

When it comes to civil debates here, I am reminded of the recent issue of open trackbacks between the blue state conservative and my blog. Although it started very rocky and accusatory, it ended civil (as long as we've heard the end of it, that is).

Although I stayed out of it, I think the two men involved ended it commendably.

As for my other answers to the posed question, you have to visit Common Sense Runs Wild and leave your own while there.

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Posted by Samantha at 04:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

you've just got to know how to word it correctly to authorities.

Lost in Limo Ohio sent me a recent search hit found in her stats from some Canadian. Read the part "Search Words".

Yes, us Canucks can be that loony, hence the name of our $1 coin. But, what I want to know is why Lost in Lima Ohio is writing about locking kids in mental institutions, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Sometimes all I have to say is... I wish I were there to see it...

Police Accidentally Shock Nude Man In Genitals With Taser

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Posted by Samantha at 10:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Alternative title, A Tan And A Tube Snake Boogie (care of ZZ Top)

In South Carolina, a tanning salon was caught for practising their services without using a working tanning bed.

The undercover officers had issues with the salon after they noticed that there were no actual tanning beds available.

After their "inspection" of the salon, the officers reported that the place was actually a brothel at which they arrested 3 employees and 2 customers for prostitution related charges.

Well, we can thank the tanning bed brothel because with it, one can not only look good, but they can feel good, too, after just one session.

I guess for some, it really is better to get a fake tan rather than a natural tan, if by tan you mean hummer.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Take a look over to your right for the list of today's open trackback offers. It's quite a list, so you have plenty of chances to get traffic coming to one of you primo, main page articles. All you have to do is go to one of their sites, or all, or a few, whatever, and trackback from their site and then link them in that article of yours.

I have recently received a wonderful email from Bloggin Outloud about the benefits of being an OTA member:

Samantha,

I'm really enjoying being on the blogroll of the OTA. I'm getting more traffic and some great posts. People are really polite and helpful as I wasn't doing the TB thing quite correctly and got some good advice (not flames). Pass that word along if you would - that most people who are trying to do TBs just may not know how to do the open post dealy. Thanks again.

I really appreciate the feedback, Bloggin Outloud, and I'm glad it's profiting for you and others.

Today's featured trackback OTA site is Diane's stuff. Why? Because it's a special thanksgiving present. She has was pushed out by a hurricane and her site was taken out many times by a bad service provider. Now she is back. GO. VISIT. DIANE.

Take a look at the right column of this blog, under the Open Trackback Alliance banner, for a daily listing of all blogs doing open trackbacks.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

1. You have a stockpile collection of injection needles, but you don't do drugs and you don't have diabetes, and for some reason all the cats and dogs in the neighbourhood go missing.

2. You throw paint on your pet and yell out, "fur is murder!"

3. You refuse to collect ABBA albums because you think the letters ABBA has something to do with the beef quality grading system.

4. The list of malnutrition-related diseases you have is longer than the piece of paper you have to write it on.

5. You're puzzled why nobody shows up to eat your Thanksgiving Day Tofurky, Tofu Turkey, turfooky, poo tookey, or whatever the h*ll you want to call it.

6. You refuse to fill up your car with gasoline because it's made from dead dinosaurs.

7. You know every brand of soy milk on the market by heart and you gloat about it to everyone you encounter.

8. You fall to the ground and ball up in the fetal position every time you try to walk by the Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey circus.

9. You have acute grassotophobia: the fear of crushing grasshoppers as you prance barefoot in the park.

10.You cage your kids nightly as training for their future role as PETA protesters.

PS - Committees of Correspondence has some gobble gobble news with some hilarious animations.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

By now a few of you will have heard that TTLB will be changing its ranking system to not count open trackback links as part of the ranking system. Thanks Don for e-mailing NZ Bear.

I thought I'd chime in with my opinion on the subject as well as mention how this relates to OTA.

To understand motivations, personally, this will not effect The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns that much either way. She was up in the top 250 before OTA, and she was not aggressive in linking other people's article like crazy aside from doing a once a week posting on OTA (and providing an occasional list of others doing OTA that day). In other words, her ranking wasn't dependent on open trackbacks.

The same cannot be said for others. I'm uncertain if NZ Bear will simply prevent future links from counting or purge the database further. Additionally, I'm uncertain if he will only block what his filters sees as open trackbacks or if he will block any links that are no longer part of the main page. Undoubtedly this will affect some people more than others depending on what he will do.

The question is what does the ranking mean? Is the ranking truly an indication of what is the most popular blog? How does one define what is the most popular blog anyway?

In the strictest sense, the ecosystem ranking is a measurement of links between blogs. The more links you have coming into your site, the higher you are on the TTLB. Is this a good indication of popularity? Perhaps, except that blogrolls are counted, and trackbacks are counted and anyone "link whoring" will rise faster.

Is this a true measurement of popularity? Not really. For some it reflects their standing because they get tons of links all the time as they are popular blogs. For others, it measures how well they can play the game.

If the ecosystem is just a game and not a true measurement (especially when those participating can effect the measurement), then what makes one popular? Conventional wisdom dictates that your popularity is based on the number of unique visitors you get to your site.

So by that logic the person with the most traffic is the most popular blog, correct? Wrong. Again this measurement is flawed. The quality of the traffic matters. Some blogs get 98% of their traffic from search engine hits. A visitor comes in looking for "sexy wild crazy gals" and they get Samantha. No offense Sam, but they aren't looking for you. They go as quickly as they came. Some blogs have an average reader time of a few seconds; others have an average readership of minutes as they write captive articles. Some blogs have a loyal following where readers will come back 10 times a day. Whose traffic is more valuable?

You can’t dismiss the gathering factor. Some blogs are popular because they are deemed popular. Their name is known, they get tons of linkage because it’s a gathering place for other bloggers and readers. Some blogs aren’t even blogs at all, they are mostly message boards or search engines.

If you are pond scum or you are an immortal in the TTLB should you care? Mostly no, you should not care. Why I say mostly is because it’s no secret that the more popular you are the more traffic you will get because you are popular.

The reality is that you should care more about the content of your blog. By reports, millions of blogs worldwide exist. The number of active probably is far-far lower, but substantial nonetheless. To get noticed, you have to stand out, have a unique demographic angle, and you have to get noticed by others.

When you are a nobody (and Sam was a blogsphere nobody just a few months ago and still is relative to the big guys), you have to somehow attract readers. You can do so by grabbing links from the big guys via comments or trackbacks. You can do so by writing clever article after article in the hopes someone chances upon it from Technorati and links to your amazing post. It happens, but it’s a long ride. Being a blog nobody is a tough position, especially if you despise sucking up to big bloggers just to trickle some of their traffic.

That’s what OTA is all about – getting noticed primarily and raising your ranking that way. Truthfully, by the TTLB counting these links directly, blog scores have artificially inflated linkage counts. OTA is just yet another way to get noticed. Sam wanted to share the link love, the readership, and that’s why OTA was born. Of course it has self interest, too, since it helps her get noticed as well. We all know about each other from some link somewhere.

So if anyone was just on OTA for the sake of artificially raising their TTLB score and you don’t want to be part of it anymore. I’m okay with that. If nobody wants to continue with it then I’m okay with that too. As long as there is some interest, Sam will continue OTA regardless if TTLB counts the links or not, as I personally believe that it will indirectly count as people get their name out there.

After all, a prize that is easy to obtain has a hollow victory.

Other opinions:
third world country
Stop the ACLU
Alabama Improper
Soldiers' Angel

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
TTLB, Open TrackBacks, and Social Network Analysis [by The Business of America is Business]
TTLB, Open TrackBacks, and Social Network Analysis [by The Business of America is Business]
NZ Bear, TTLB, and TrackBacks [by basil's blog]

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Posted by MrBig at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

You're gonna love this. Time to put those granny panties away for good, ladies, as Japan introduces "see thru skirts".

Once again, ignore the snopes, or kill the fun.

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Posted by Samantha at 03:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I guess Kelowna is sighing relief after a recent mayoral election.

It seem the town of Kelowna in central BC, Canada almost had themselves a nutty mayor. Candidate Andrew Uitvlugt had the wacky idea that he'd win the election with this campaign notion:

"crack could be used as a reward or incentive to motivate people to do constructive work in the city, like picking up garbage."

Apparently, the guy thought that those people on crack would feel so good about their contribution to society that they'd quit the drugs or do it less often.

That same nutty campaigner wanted to move all the homeless to the city dump where they could use the garbage material available to build products and to gain marketing skills.

I'm thinking that that potential mayor must have been smoking crack or something when he came up with those ideas.

What I want to know is how many votes did the guy actually get? And, how many of those votes WEREN'T from drugged up freaks?

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Posted by Samantha at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Looking for oral sex and jizz, huh? I've decided to be nice to my readers and I've found a non-scam site where you can view your "needs". Just follow the link link here. Now back to the article...

Sorry (well... not really).

So, they're saying that oral sex is linked to mouth cancer, eh?

A study has found that the human papilloma virus, or the wart virus HPV, can be contracted during oral sex, which can, in some, result in mouth cancer.

The study compared 132 patients with the cancer to 320 healthy people, and the study also found that 36% of the cancer patients were carrying HPV whereas only 1% of the control group were carriers.

I'm no scientist, and would likely be told to mind my business by any researcher out there, but the result I just read does not answer all questions. First off, these are some stats I found,

"At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection."

That means that carrying the HPV STD is extremely common despite what the study suggests. Also, it says that the control group were healthy individuals, well, duh, of course they shouldn't have a virus if they're "healthy" right?

I don't get that, but maybe I need to find more information on the study than just relying on Breitbart for the information, which is only a media source.

Here is a better display of the study. This one says that only 1 in 10,000 develop oral tumours, and that the majority of those are cause by drinking and smoking.

The researchers (most likely oral sex-crazed scientists) do not recommend people change their behaviours.

Ya, 'cause they still enjoy their rug munching, fish tacos and their protein shake, Margaret Thatchers and don't want to give that up.

The research also stated that

"the people with oral cancers containing the HPV16 strain were three times as likely to report having had oral sex as those whose tumour did not contain HPV16. "

So basically, does this mean that if you have HPV and oral cancer, you are 3 times more likely to go lapsnorkling than those with ONLY oral cancer?

Ya, that was in bad taste, but admit you enjoyed the laugh too.

So, there you have it. Ladies now have an excuse to get out of doing something many of them don't enjoy, and many others will be slightly disappointed with this new info as they really enjoy doing it.

Here are a couple more terms for it: eating out, 69: wine and dine, aw heck, there are too many to list here.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Lapsnorkling! [by Mister Snitch!]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Ah, good times. Give your "lefty" caption comment to The Politburo Diktat.

My caption comment: "Oh snap, I should have gone doodie before the big UN meeting. I'm not going to make it."

I wanted to say something about ugmo Sheehan behind door number one, but it's got to be from a lefty's point of view.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:03 AM | Permalink

I know I've ragged on a lot of celebs about how they p*ss me off with their fake scandals just to raise publicity for themselves right before they come out with a new album or movie, or whatever.

So, this is an article that raises the issue of medicinal marajuana, right or wrong, and how one celeb didn't use her time with the drug as an excuse for a scandal.

It seems that Melissa Etheridge has stated that she smoked medicinal marijuana to help ease the effects of breast cancer chemotherapy.

The singer is now cancer-free, and stated that going the natural route was the way for her rather than taking the five to six prescriptions her doctors offered.

Etheridge also said she discontinued using marajuana as soon as the pain and symptoms subsided.

Although it is legal in California and other states for a doctor to recommend marajuana, it is still illegal according to federal law.

I'm not saying I'm for or against marajuana, medicinal or not, I just wonder what she considers so "natural" about it. What's natural about burning and inhaling fumes of a psychotropic plant?

And, like I said, at least she came out with it instead of blowing it up into a scandal in order to regain her fame upon the release of her album, "The Road Less Traveled". I mean, we've all seen celebrities produce a scandal just to bring their name to light upon their public re-entrance.

So, I think Etheridge deserves some acknowledgment for her "coming out with it" in a clean way... so to speak.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Please tell me I didn't just find this.

www.eroticawatches.com

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Posted by Samantha at 05:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I am asking you to send me your most zany, bizarre, or messed up questions you can think of (keep it rated "g", or at least not x-rated), and I will pick a few from time to time and give you my responses.

Here are some example questions to get the ball rolling:

If you were a monkey, what sort of monkey would you be?

Would you ever eat a slug?

Although they say she died of age in 1987, what do you think happened to the Wendy's "where's my beef" lady?

Come up with anything you'd like to ask me, anything hypothetical just for sh*ts and giggles, or anything serious. I may not be able to answer them all, depending on how many I get, but I'll give it my best.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)

Do you have a boyfriend? If not, would you like one? And if you already have one, would you like a better one?

Boyfriends are going for 99 cents for a deluxe model or free if you're a cheap son-of-a....

You can create as many as you want for your friends, which means, that in the virtual world, you can become polyandrous and have open affairs.

How does Build-a-Boyfriend work?

First you choose a free boyfriend or the deluxe model, which costs you under a buck, but can be entered into a Boyfriend Contest. But, you must remember, once you've created your boyfriend, you cannot alter him in any way.

Sounds too much like real life, in my opinion. You can never change them to the way you like them, lol. Of course, the same could be said of us women; and yes, there is a virtual girlfriend out there for the guys. Just check to the right under Classic Sam, or go to build-a-boyfriend and switch it to build-a-girlfriend (although, I couldn't get it to work).

If you are lazy in love, then you can always get yourself a pre-built boyfriend who's been "broken up with" and he can be purchased for a fraction of the original price. I suppose this means you get to pay for someone else's leftovers, and that your new mate will come to you carrying some extra baggage.

Yup, that sounds realistic too.

I guess the best part of it is that you can break up with your boyfriend. So, even when it's a fake relationship, you can be an evil, manipulative bitch and dump his sorry a$$.

Welcome to the wonderful world of dating, lol.

I decide to get myself a boyfriend, here he is...

Jimbo
Age: 29 Girlfriend: Sam

Description
I like long walks on the beach, snorkling, and pooty-tang. Will you be mine, you sexy momma, you?

What a gorgeous catch, eh?

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Well, DragonLady's World won last week's game by giving the correct answer, Mary Mapes. That means that DragonLady's World is going to have to do a least one more early morning to be the first to guess. Either that or she can hold off on guessing and hope for the best, but as we all know by now, it's a tough title to hold.

No matter, good luck DragonLady's World and good luck to everyone who guesses.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your left is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (30)

For those who haven't heard, London is planing to develop a multimillion dollar sexual theme park in the Piccadilly Circus red district.

The park is expected to be opened in the spring and is to have $8.3 million worth of high tech and interactive displays to educate and inform visitors.

This kind of reminds me of Homer Simpson and Krusty the Clown trying out the "Let's make a baby" simulator machine. Homer failed, but Krusty responds, "Hey baby, remember me?"

Well, no offense to my Brit. readers, but you know this is the common joke. The London sex theme park is likely to have an exhibit wholly devoted to the topic of how to conceal your teeth in front of your lover.

While searching the theme park online, I came across this doosy. Eyes on the ball news created a crazy list of ten ads being considered:

10. No that’s not a lose bolt, our rides are supposed to have strange noises, bumps and vibrations!

9. Must be this long to ride.

8. Where you can be the ride as well as the rider.

7. Yes, we do have foot longs.

6. Where the English having no teeth is a good thing.

5. Our Spotted Dick is the Dog’s Bollocks.

4. Thank God that, unlike United Airlines, our staff still has weight and appearance regulations. Unfortunately they’re still English.

3. We have shag carpet. Wink wink nudge nudge say no more.

2. #1 destination of Eastern European women trying to buy their way out of their country.

1. No water rides means no shrinkage!

I thought it might be a good idea to share some ideas for cool sex themed rides, so I've altered some common theme park rides to make them more sexually compatible. Here are my suggestions:

The Zipper will now be called The Stripper
The Faris Wheel will be a new take on the mile high club
The Octopus will be named after that famous James Bond movie, Octopussy, and consist of orgy interactions (with up to 8 women).
The House of Mirrors will now be The Naked Mirrors as a way to learn how to love your body from every angle.
And, of course...

The Canal of Love will take on a whole new meaning.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Cruisin' my blogroll... [by third world county]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Looks like I have some fierce competition from 45-Calibre Justice.

Great find there, buddy.

Now you can cuddle with your excrement.

I wouldn't doubt if one day these get marketed as great learning devices for toilet training, kind of like those toilet buddies.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Effing the ineffable is looking for a good name for his mouse.

He also shares this good wintertime cartoon.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:13 AM | Permalink

Lingo Slinger has a couple images of tattoos gone wrong.

It gets worse, she has a "to be continued" for this article to come. That means there are more nasty pics like those to comes. Ew!

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Al Qaeda in Iraq - HUH? in Iraq??? [by Theodore's World]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink