The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Contributed by regular guest blogger, Lost in Lima Ohio

I'm all out of funny today. However, I agreed to send Sam something on Wednesdays, so I've decided to enlighten you all with an incredible tale of lust and crime.

Down in Mexico there was once a lonely giraffe by the name of Modesto. Don't be fooled by the name, he's no modest lil giraffe, instead he was rather blatant with his lustful desires.

Often Modesto could be found humping any range of objects - a tree, a fence, and even a shed - in his search for the perfect bed mate. The Mexican Park where he lived had been trying to find Modesto a mate, all the while Modesto had deviant plans of his own.

On Saturday, after months of endless searching for the perfect mate Modesto finally found what he had been seeking. With a incredible and dangerous plan he was able to escape from his home, evidently swimming across the Gulf of Mexico and succeeding in abducting the mate of his dreams.

You see, police released information on the statue-napping of a six foot giraffe statue in Florida on Saturday. According to sources, the statue was hauled away, after a failed attempt to statue-nap a zebra. The word is that Modesto first had plans to elope with the zebra, but then his large round eyes caught sight of the elegant lengthy legs of the giraffe statue and was immediately overwhelmed with passionate desires.

The statue giraffe, despite claims by police of foul play, has been sending emails informing the other park statues of the love that has devoloped between the wanted pair. Her family cries this is just another case of forbidden love, and that the pair return promptly for counseling. The mother was quoted as saying "It just ain't natural".

At this time we fully believe that the Tee-It-Up Driving Range giraffe went willingly. And while police continue to hunt down the pair, I secretly have my fingers crossed that they are able to make it. No pun intended.

This article contributed by Lost in Lima Ohio