The Crazy Rants of Samantha BurnsYahoo Announcement
As a result of the ever-growing Internet, Yahoo is catering to Canadians by announcing it has created a Canadianised web portal/search engine to replace www.yahoo.ca. I have listed some of the new and unique features below.
When searching at the new Canadian web portal, the first 3 links returned from any search will always yield links to beer companies. Priority goes to Canadian breweries as Canadians require the good/strong stuff rather than pale ale.
Further, any links containing the words "Celine" and "Dion" will be permanently removed from their database.
There will also be a translation page included in the Yahoo portal which will translate any website from English to Canadian. For example, words such as couch/sofa will be changed to chesterfield, whole milk or Homogenized milk will be changed to Homo milk, theater will be theatre, color-colour, check-cheque, and all "ize" endings of words will be changed to "ise".
In agreement with regulations on Canadian content promotion, all Yahoo images will be interspersed with photos of Wayne Gretzky.
Yahoo is also assuring the public that searching for the word beaver will result in "friendly Canadian water mammal" hits instead of pornography.
Although things seem to be going well for the new search engine, they are undergoing reconstruction to remove the glitches listed below.
Unsubstantiated controversy has been circulating that the Maple Syrup Mafia is using the site to launder the money of their obscene maple syrup profits. The Yahoo portal is presently attempting to cease the MSM abuse and misuse of power.
Unfortunately there will be no Quebec French (Quebecoise) translations. When asked to comment, one yahoo executive stated,
"Quebec Bill 101 requires that the French font size be at least two times the size of the English font, and we are unwilling to compromise the asthetics of yahoo's image. As such, we will not be offering Yahoo Quebecoise translations".
As an attempt to ameliorate the problems they are facing, the new Yahoo portal has included a few more new Canadian features:
Yahoo Messenger will now have a specialised version in second quarter of 2006, which will include emoticons featuring unique Canadianisms such as "Take off, eh", "How's it going, eh?", and "Hey Hoser".
Yahoo Canada Finance will chart the steady devaluation of the Canadian dollar against the ever-increasing taxes and cost of living.
When asked to comment on the Yahoo announcement, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin stated: "I did not have sexual relations with anyone involved in the sponsorship scandal". Martin was later informed that he had commented on the wrong topic.
And finally, Yahoo Weather will change its forecasting to include the only necessary three levels of weather watch warnings: "it's cold, eh", "time to plug in the car's block heater", and "our seniors are moving to Florida".
Comments
I'm disappointed. I thought senior citizen canucks never left; they only drank hot beer instead. =;^)
Posted by: VARepublicMan | November 29, 2005 03:29 AM
Aha ha ha ha!!! That was AWESOME! I'm so linking to this! In regards to the beavers though... They could have shown Canadian beavers AND "Canadian Beavers"!! No?
Posted by: SeLiNa | November 29, 2005 06:50 AM
Yahoo's missing a bet--I keep getting search engine hits for "Canadian pr0n" (spelling changed to spare you the same hits) because that's what I call curling (long story involving an engineer and close proximity to the border). They'd make a crapload of Loonies if they wouldn't make all searches for "beaver" lead to the little dam builders.
Posted by: Serra![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.samanthaburns.com/nav-commenters.gif)
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November 29, 2005 07:24 AM
Block-heater ... man, I have not seen one of those in ages. Ever since I moved from Minnestoa (to UTAH, ack). When I described it to my southern friends here, they think it is a hybrid car.
Posted by: mdmhvonpa![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.samanthaburns.com/nav-commenters.gif)
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November 29, 2005 10:01 AM
Thi is a great addition. Do you know how embarrassing it was to do research on beavers from work only to find that there is a slang term something pornographic with the same name?
Stuffed beaver? Forget about it. I should just quit now...
Posted by: JODSTER | December 2, 2005 04:54 AM
TRANS-PACIFIC PETROCHEMICAL INDOTAMA(TPPI)
Dear Sir/Madam,
We write to you in respect of our company, Trans-Pacific Petrochemical Indotama (TPPI), INDONESIA. We are a multinational and a multi discipline firm that undertake the sales of raw materials, especially petro-chemicals. We export into the Canada,America, and some parts of Europe. We are currently building a $2.3 billion petrochemical complex in Tuban, on the northeast coast of Java and this project is under the sponsorship of BA Asia, a Bank of America merchant banking arm. We are located on :
Jl. Karya Jasa 74
Medan 20143, Sumatera Utara
Indonesia.
We parade a large based clientele in all the Regions mentioned above. Consequently.We are in search of Representatives who can help us establish a medium of getting our funds from our customers in Canada,America and Europe as well as making payments through you to us.
We have in place a Select Committee vested with the responsibility of screening intending Representatives and making recommendations. Haven been recommended by this Commitee, you are to forward your detailed resumes/curriculum vitae and phone number/fax and your full contact address to us.
We would be glad to have you as one of our esteemed Representative in your location and be rest assured that adequate pecuniary and lucrative compensations will be given and other benefits follows. Upon appointment, you are allowed the opportunity of determining the method or mode through which you would be paid for your services as our Representative in any of these Regions.
If interested in our proposal in view of helping us and also making pecuniary gains for yourself, please contact us for a more comprehensive description of your job details and benefits. Please direct your responses to pacificfunds_acquisition@hotmail.com.We expect your response to this mail.
Regards,
Mr. Soekarno Wahid
Head of Funds Acquisition Department/Public Relations
Posted by: Soekarno Wahid | March 22, 2006 04:16 AM
me good
Posted by: RACHNA SODHI | May 17, 2006 11:19 PM