The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

This story, "Islanders pray to Jesus image on plant pot", would have been more fun and interesting to write about if this were its title:

Islanders pray to Jesus image on pot plant

Now that, would be worth writing about!

Alas, I am forced to write my own version of events since my news story idea was not available.

It seems the Caribbean island paradise, Cozumel, has something to celebrate. They are blessed with the image of their god on their favourite substance, a pot plant.

As you may know, Cozumel worships a goddess and a pantheon of gods. One of the island's great gods is known as Smokadaganja, the overseer of illusions, food cravings, and the giggles.

The pot plant is sacred to the islanders, who grow the plant high upon the divine mountain, Amaloadacrap. The pot plants are nurtured, fed, and sunbathed daily for three years by a small committee of only 4 holy men who have been given the hallowed title of Mary Jane Monks.

When it is time for the sacred plants to be harvested, the Mary Jane Monks use only special tools that have been approved of and blessed by the supreme pot priest. The plants must be harvested only on June 11th of every 3 years, the birth date of the magnificent Jacques Cousteau. The significance of the harvest date is due to Cousteau's popularising of the small island in a documentary in 1961 for its amazing reefs and underwater beauty.

As for the monks, they are not only esteemed by their communities, but they are respected for their contributions internationally by both Amsterdam and British Columbia. Once the harvest is completed, a festival, candidly called the Cannibis Carnival, is held a month later where participants parade around in costumes that look like marajuana leaves, bongs, and rolled up joints among other ensembles.

This year's latest festival is where the incident occurred. Apparently, a man adorned in hippy attire and a woman dressed as a package of Zigzags headed to a nearby cafe when they spotted the pot plant sitting in the coffee shop window as part of a Cannibis Carnival decoration.

The man and woman were startled to see an image of the great god, Smokadaganja's face rooted on the surface of the pot plant's largest leaf.

After informing the shop owner and authorities, the word got out to the public and the plant has been the focus of attention in the town ever since.

Citizens have set up a shrine, which many attend daily to pray to image in the pot plant.

Many are calling the apparition a miracle befitting of the great god.

Much like the story of the terra cotta planter being worshipped in the story linked above, the pot plant in Cozumel "is roped off with a crimson cord strung between brass poles and has a simple candle burning in front of it".