The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

1. You have a stockpile collection of injection needles, but you don't do drugs and you don't have diabetes, and for some reason all the cats and dogs in the neighbourhood go missing.

2. You throw paint on your pet and yell out, "fur is murder!"

3. You refuse to collect ABBA albums because you think the letters ABBA has something to do with the beef quality grading system.

4. The list of malnutrition-related diseases you have is longer than the piece of paper you have to write it on.

5. You're puzzled why nobody shows up to eat your Thanksgiving Day Tofurky, Tofu Turkey, turfooky, poo tookey, or whatever the h*ll you want to call it.

6. You refuse to fill up your car with gasoline because it's made from dead dinosaurs.

7. You know every brand of soy milk on the market by heart and you gloat about it to everyone you encounter.

8. You fall to the ground and ball up in the fetal position every time you try to walk by the Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey circus.

9. You have acute grassotophobia: the fear of crushing grasshoppers as you prance barefoot in the park.

10.You cage your kids nightly as training for their future role as PETA protesters.

PS - Committees of Correspondence has some gobble gobble news with some hilarious animations.