The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns: Arrogance And Ignorance Go Together In Perfect Harmony

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Here's a couple of people "stuck on stupid": check out Macbro's Place to learn what some tools think of Canada.

What Macbro's Place fails to recognise, however, is that it's all true.

Ya, we all live in igloos here and take our dogsled teams to work at the lumber yard each day, all the while hiding under the shield of the almighty USA.

Seriously, that's the way it really is up here in this cold, barren wasteland.

At least, that's what we want them to think. I mean, if the US really knew how great Canada was, it would be more of a challenge on our hands to take over the planet in entirety. First, the US, then Mexico. Then, the world!

My guess is, those morons talking on FOX news read my Whistle Blower article and are feeling threatened right about now. They know we're closing in on our secret mission, and that we're about to send in our troops.

Arrogant Ann Coulter mentions something about the worst people end up in Canada and that anyone good goes to the states. Well, guess what, we've managed to pawn Celine Dion off on you.

Now, who's laughing?

Oh, and let's not forget the fact that we are raking in the dough by sending our countrymen down there to secretly fund our military conquest. Yes, that's right, when our actors go down there, the US pays them huge cash and that cash ends up in Canada, more specificially, funneled into our military.

Further, Arrogant Ann says that we are allowed to exist... when in reality we allow the US to exist. It's a little-known fact that every year, we sacrifice one US virgin to appease the Canadian artic god 'Arsafreezinov'. This act enables Canadians to harness control of the incredible artic air to use as a supreme weapon.

Every once in a while, we remind the US of our superior air-freezing power by sending them massive snow storms and a cool front to freeze their crops. Mwahahaha!

And, let's not forget the part where it is stated that we do not need an army... who's the sucker there? The US pays for our protection while we divert our funds to more important things, like dogsled races... and beer.

So, there you have it. If ignorance is bliss, then those two are the happiest people on earth!

And, we are all the better for it because we get to laugh at them.

May 2008

Comments

Please, just don't burn down the White House again when you take us over. Seriously, even though I fall to the conservative side on many of my beliefs, that Ann Coulter is just freaking insane. Every time I see her on TV I imagine her keepers are waiting off camera to put her back in the straight jacket once her airtime is over. I'd apologize for us allowing her to be unleashed on the public airwaves, but you did give us Celine Dion.

Thanks for Shatner, though. I love Star Trek :)

Posted by: Windigo | December 6, 2005 03:00 AM

Just you wait. We're going to send you Hilary Duff. BWA HA HA ha ha ha!

Posted by: AlanDP | December 6, 2005 03:17 AM

LOL @ Celine Dion plug.

Sorry power was out here all morning so access to the site was down.
It's up and running again.

Thanks for the link Sam, and glad you liked the post.

Posted by: MacBros | December 6, 2005 10:09 AM

Seriously, please take back Celine. And Tom Green too. You can have Tom Cruise too as a bonus if you like. He's starting to scare the children over here.

I do love it when you kooky kanucks (yes I spelled it wrong on purpose) talk about Canadian World Domination. I wet myself laughing so hard.

Posted by: Tman | December 6, 2005 01:17 PM

Canada rocks! Canada has hot chicks who run around naked in their snow boots draped in the Canadian flag and swilling Molsen, eh. Wait, that might be my porn image library. Whatever. Canada has Sam. And she's alright by me. See? I am an ambassador.

Good luck at the Canadian Blog Awards Sam.

Posted by: fatback | December 6, 2005 03:06 PM

can you puhleeease take back celine dion?

....and pam anderson....

otherwise, we might be forced to send you paris hilton, nicole richie and carrot top.

bwahahahaha

Posted by: moonbat monitor | December 6, 2005 03:23 PM

I am truly dazzled at the pustulence that is Ann Coulter. My GHOD, she's a bundle of toxic waste. I used to wonder at her ability to just make things up on the fly; now I stand back in awe of her continuing existence on a planet that has discovered penicillin.

I can only hope that horrible things happen to her that will nevertheless not drown out her final screams.

And, yes, sending us Celine Dion would by itself be considered an act of war, but Canada leavened this with the Arrogant Worms, Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, and Christopher Plummer (in no particular order).

Posted by: John Hedtke | December 6, 2005 04:08 PM

When Canada takes over the U.S., I will not mind so much if you make it mandatory for TV stations in south Texas to show Red Green at least once per day.

Posted by: AlanDP | December 6, 2005 06:17 PM

I am however eternally grateful for Credence Clearwater Revival! Thank you Canada, that was a great band!

but please, take Celine Dion back. That truly is an act of war.

Posted by: moonbat monitor | December 6, 2005 08:40 PM

Hmmmm Isn't Red Green the duct tape guy?

Posted by: Diane | December 7, 2005 11:54 AM