The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Contributed by Lost in Lima Ohio

Turn your lights down low, put on some soft music, burn a romantic amber incense, and get ready to cuddle up to your favorite pet chicken.

Yes, that's right- I said CHICKEN.

Thanks to the masterminds over in Singapore, your favorite little feathery friend can now sport a nice vibrating jacket.

I'm sure that there is some point to the whole idea behind a vibrating cock CHICKEN. And I'm sure that it has nothing to do with... well vibrating other things.

I'm not sure the limits that Sam has on what exactly I can get away with. So far- she has not made any clear rules about vibrating chicken stories. But out of fear that she will begin to impose harsh "anti- vibrating chicken story rules" I'm not going to tell you ALL the jokes I had lined up for this one. But here are a few:

Is that a vibrating chicken in your pocket- or are you just happy to see me?

Chicken- the other vibrating meat.

Mmmmm Chicken.

Q. What Is The Difference Between `Kinky' And `Erotic?'
A. With `Kinky' You Use The Whole Vibrating Chicken.

Chickens, not just for eating anymore.

Someone might want to look into the effects this is going to have on the KFC slogan... but I won't go there.

And, the new vibrating chicken jacket is going to give a whole new meaning to this song. Please don't ask how long it took to find a song fitting of this post.

Clearly, I've most likely went beyond the point of return with this post. But, it gets better. The masterminds behind the vibrating chicken want to take their.. er... um... vibration a bit further. In an attempt to appear less like sex toys makers, they are saying their plan is to make "pyjama suit, which would use the Internet to adjust changes in pressure and temperature to simulate the feeling of being hugged". It's not that I am a "doubting" type of person. But I've heard those Singapore stories. And I am pretty sure I can hint that we won't be buying "hugging suits" before they begin offering "lovin suits".

This article contributed by Lost in Lima Ohio