The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

So, we get the pleasure of seeing her misguided thinking displayed on billboards, in videos, and as a spokesperson for PETA.

I believe what may have driven Anderson to PETA's cause was her loony obsession with her dog, Star. Apparently, she has a bizarre relationship with her mutt, a dog which she wishes "would live with her forever".

Boy, if that doesn't sound like a dumb blonde phrase, I don't know what does.

She's even gone so far as to give her dogs an extravagant wedding.

Cuckoo!

Anderson's canine craze is just the beginning of her freakish affliation with animals. She has also been known to send threatening letters to companies like Petco, stating, "I would gladly do the appearance if Petco pledges to end the sale of all birds, big and small, by January 2006". "The appearance" was to be Petco's 40th anniversary convention, but Anderson ditched the offer because they refused to bow down to her and her bird fetish insanity.

She is also famously known for her PETA billboard ad, promoting vegitarianism in Liverpool, which is known as the second fattest city in England. Apparently, she THINKS people are looking at her billboards for the message she's sending and not her breasts. Wrong!

But, that's understandable since thinking isn't her forte, anyhow.

Her latest PETA feat is in a densely persuasive letter to the Loblaw Company, urging them to label eggs that come from caged hens.

And, she's cracked because evidently, she thinks (there's that word again) that people give a d*mn whether their eggs have been rolling around freely or whether they've been caged up. In the letter, she states,

"I would like to support the request of the Vancouver Humane Society and the Canadian Coalition for Farm Animals for Loblaw to label all battery eggs as 'eggs from caged hens'. There is no reason why Loblaw cannot put up signs or label the shelves at point of purchase. This will allow consumers to decide for themselves whether or not they want to support this cruelty."

Won't somebody please think of the chickens?

Again, Anderson's moronic attempt was denied as a Loblaw's spokesperson stated that they see no urgency in doing such a (retarded) thing.

Anderson does come across as a bit of a hypocrite, however. Foremost, let's take a look at her physical appearance....

Her hair is naturally brown, which means that she dyes her hair bleach blonde.

"And how can cosmetic companies be sure she won't harm her scalp? Animal tests of course!"

Her breast implants are made from silicone, which is tested on animals for toxicity, and silicone is also known to be damaging to the environment.

She is also believed to have had lip injections, using collagen, which is "derived from the carcasses of animals, typically cows. Another is Hylaform, which comes from bird carcasses".

And, let's not even get into a discussion on all the leather outfits Pamela Anderson wears.

Finally, we move on to her relationships, which can be described in two words: hat envy.

Aside from her numerous sex tape issues, at least one with Tommy Lee of Motley Crue and one with Brett Michaels of Poison (we're still waiting on the one with Kid Rock *shudder*), Anderson has been through her share of relationships.

And, I believe that two of her most well known relationships ended as a result of hat envy. Just take a look at some of these pictures:

Pamela lovin' her hat.
Pamela's hat obsession continues.
Pamela's freaky hat displayed in full force.

The picture might be small, but that hat sure ain't.

And, the reason Tommy Lee and she broke up. Tommy's hat is the source of jealousy. Look at how upset Pamela is that she forgot to wear a hat to outshine Tommy.

And, this is her with Kid Rock. Notice him wearing the hat.

Now, notice her displeasure in kissing him. What's happened to cause the disruption of happiness? Jealousy. How dare he trump her with his hat.

One thing we do know, though, is that Anderson is planning on having more offspring. She has been noted saying, "I really love children and once you have two, you might as well have ten".

Seems to also be her view on partners.

So, there you have it. Pamela Anderson is moron of the week for many, many reasons. Congrats again to Peace of my mind for remaining undefeated.

Here's some more Pamela Anderson cr*p:

Seen here actually doing two things at once: carrying coffee and walking down stairs AT THE SAME TIME!!!
Anderson sporting new wheels.
Anderson apparel for the stalker in you.
Doing her best Dolly Parton imitation.
Pamela Anderson Barbie
Pamela as her true self
Pamela's MENSA meeting with Courtney Love.
Saturday Night Live addresses Anderson's stalking mishap with a female who got into her underwear.
Pamela as a caricature.
Funny pic
Distorted pic
This look-a-like has captured the essence of Anderson, tacky clothing and big arse hat.