The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

With the 3 recent deaths in Canada over the choking game, I thought I'd bring this article of mine back to the forefront.

Further, here is a link to the Stop the choking game site.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Hat Tip: Cyber chocolate for this quiz.

What Type of weather are you?

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous. People will stop and watch you when you appear. Even though you're capable of random violence. You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

Mwahahahaha... I'm capable of random violence. That's great.

All the rest, I'll go with, though.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

What are the hot topics of the week?

Trackback your best articles here (rules below) and enjoy some open thread action.

ADVICE: Trackback articles you want to promote that are still on your main blog page so that you can showcase your work (and it will help to attract readers).

Check out to the right side bar for who is doing open trackbacks this weekend, visit them, and link your best articles to their open trackback article, but be sure to link those you trackback in your own article.

Please do NOT link "I'm having an open trackback party" posts. They are not interesting for other readers and I'll be removing those links. You may leave a comment instead. I have a link on the right side bar already to those whom are doing open tracks, a second link is not required. I do understand some blogging software auto-trackbacks, so you are forgiven if that happens.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Dianes Stuff brings us the latest disgrace of reality tv: Dust to Dust

The programme will show the gradual decomposition of a human corpse after the volunteer for the show dies.

Kudos to Professor Sue Black for refusing to be a part of this pathetic attempt at viewership/ratings/money.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I think I can consider myself an Internet journalist.

I mean, for all intents and purposes, anyhow.

Reason being is that I report the news, primarily odd and unusual, but news nonetheless. And, I'm usually not the first to report the stuff, but sometimes I am first "on the scene".

Plus, my articles are opinionated and that's what you need to be a good reporter, right?

The MSM can deny it all they want, but their reporters are biased.

I don't know why they don't just give up that facade already.

Yup, I'm an Internet journalist.

I'm just not faking it like they are.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Yesterday marked the end of a Canadian legacy as the infamous Hudson's Bay Company was taken over by a US corporation.

So, does that mean that Canada will be officially renamed America Jr.?

The Hudson's Bay Company (HBC) is a Canadian icon and was one of the main foundations that built this country. From sea to sea to sea, the HBC was created as a trading post company for furs and other goods that helped start the economy of this great white north.

The HBC was established in 1670 and is, today, Canada's largest department store and oldest corporation.

So, is this recent transaction a telling sign of Canada's state of affairs?

Perhaps, perhaps not.

But, as it stands, South Carolina businessman Jerry Zucker (and his patriotically disguised Maple Leaf Heritage Investments) has taken over the last piece of living Canadian history to the tune of C$1.5 billion.

In my opinion, it's a chinchy amount compared to true potential value of the company (although, it would look good in my pocket). The takeover comes as a result of the HBC/Zellers corporation's inability to compete with Sears Canada and Walmart Inc.

Does this move mean that we will no longer have the privilege of purchasing overpriced items?

Will we not get the chance to pay for the name brand HBC and their importing costs?

Although the HBC (and just about any other Canadian company that you can think of) has been primarily backed by US investors for a long time now, this switchover of power suggests to some that Canada no longer has any control over its own affairs.

And, the moonbats thought this would be a safe place to hide from the US.

Lol.

So, now with the Conservatives in power (and if you believe Al Gore's loony opinion, the win was a result of shady oil financial backing) and the last standing Canadian symbol in the hands of the States (aside from Tim Hortons, of course), where will the moonbats go?

This reminds me of an old children's song, only re-created...

Where, oh where, will the lit-tle moonbats go?
Oh, where, oh where, will they flee?

Thanks for the Al Gore news:
A North American Patriot
Angry in the great white north

PS - Harper started his role as leader of Canada on a fine note. Thanks to one of the AGWN commenters for this article

After the disgusting display of smear campaigns brought on by Paul Martin's Liberals, it's refreshing to know that someone who ran a clean, straightforward campaign actually won it. You know, I actually might have had more heart for the Liberals if they weren't so appalling over the last few years and this pathetic attempt at another political win.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Al Gore, the loser from the 2000 US elections, is looking to score some moonbat points at the expense of us dear Canadians.

So it seems that Al Gore is accusing Steven Harper of taking oil money and using it towards the campaign re-election. What does Al Gore base this pointless accusation on?

a. Hard hitting investigative reporting?
b. A whistler blower coming forward and revealing information?
c. Stephen Harper’s Tourette Syndrome kept blurting the word oilsands?
d. A defector from the conservative party?

Can you guess which one? Answer: Some Sierra Club lunatic who forgot to take his morning moonbat paranoia medication.

"They've talked about the need for a made-in-Canada plan, which is exactly the terminology Stephen Harper used," Bennett said. "They've talked about targets for Kyoto being unreachable -- that's similar."

Despite strict laws in Canada strongly limiting what corporations can donate and requirements that amount greater than $200 be announced as public information, Al Gore and his cronies decide that they have similar outlooks and therefore Stephen Harper is mind-controlled by oilsands giant Suncor Energy,.

Let me make a few points to you Mr. loser-2000-elections. In case you might have missed, the Liberals in Canada took our Canadian taxpayer money and funnelled it to their buddies and themselves in the millions of dollars. They didn’t just award some lucrative contract to some crony, they took the money outright just like the UN took Saddam’s money in the oil-for-food program.

The difference between the UN and Canada is we can choose to vote out our corrupt leaders and Canadians did exactly that, whereas in the UN, the corrupt get a post on the Security Council.

Al "loser-2000-elections" Gore, I’m much less concerned about an oil company donating to a political party than having my taxpayer money be given to government buddies.

If a government is corrupt, then laws are meaningless. No matter how good laws are and how many people laws would protect, without honesty the laws cannot be enforced on those who can afford to bribe their way out of it and eventually effective societal law breaks down.

Unfortunately due to paranoid smear campaigns, many Canadians still voted for our corrupt Liberal party out of fear that Stephen Harper drinks puppy blood instead of coffee in the morning.

Further, let me ask you this Al Gore. What good is ANY law that does not achieve its intended results? What good is ANY law that has huge negative side effects without achieving its intended results?

Here’s a news flash: I want to pull out of Kyoto too, Al "loser-2000-elections" Gore. If global warming exists, why would I want to roll back to 1990 levels of pollution? I remember the screams by environmentalists in the 90s that we were all going to burn in a crispy ball of fire due to global warming. Kyoto will bring greenhouse emissions to 90s level at unprecedented costs to our economy and unless you are willing to admit the environmentalists in the 90s were wrong I don’t see any point.

Beyond the problem of having science which can’t make up it’s mind if we are going to burn or freeze to death, I see no point in implementing a protocol that sets arbitrary limits on greenhouse emissions which are nothing, but a literal drop in the bucket.

Trouble is our society runs on power. Our most abundant source is oil and coal. We can’t tap any other source of power to even come close to the needs that oil provides. Cutting the energy that drives our lives and powers our economy is society suicide. Thanks, but I’m not going to trade in my car for a horse and buggy, Al "loser-2000-elections" Gore.

Instead of being a loser-windbag and butting your nose in our country when your own country rejects you, how about coming up with an alternative to cut-and-burn our economies and investing your money in businesses that may have a solution? How about doing some more research as to why the earth naturally heats and cools before just carte-blanche declaring that humans are the cause. For all I know, my car emissions may be the only thing holding back a glacier from forming in my back yard.

SHUT. YOUR. PIE. HOLE. AL "LOSER-2000-ELECTIONS" GORE.

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Riehl world view Al Gore Attacks New Canadian PM Harper
California conservative Rampant Paranoia (Courtesy of Al Gore)
Holycoast.com Al Gore Picks Another Country to Meddle In

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Posted by MrBig at 08:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Despite kevin's hint in the comment section,

"You made it so difficult I need to go relax at a major hotel chain. Possibly one overseas so I can enjoy some good wine and cheese :D"

However, Stray Dog eventually guessed it correctly that Paris Hilton, soon to be renamed Super 8 Motel with rates by the hour, is a moron. This means that The World According to Nick has been dethroned and that Dave D. was only slightly incorrect - I mean, it kinda is a dildo in a wig, but she isn't in dreadlocks, so you don't win, lol.

I could be wrong, but I wouldn't doubt if Stray Dog recognised that Hilton is more than just a moron, she is probably the stupidest moron we've had thusfar. Some people out there may try to defend her intellect, but a fake dumb blonde is a fake dumb blonde.

And, gathering by the hint, Hilton is definately #1, but not in a good way. She's #1 Worst Dressed list by PETA, #1 Worst Pet Owner, and she does #1 in public (read more about it below). Plus, Hilton thinks everything's about her, so she's #1 to herself.

Hilton's latest monstrosity is the Paris Hilton beauty line. Try saying that without laughing.

All I can think of is that now, I can pick out my very own shade of Beverly Hills trailer trash blue eye shadow.

First, she has the new fragrance, which is supposed to be based on her lifestyle, so I wouldn't doubt if it smells a little fishy (ew).

Now, she's coming out with clothes, shoes, watches, hair products, and make up.

Yes, I'd like to purchase something from your Skanky Ho collection. I'd like a Dirty Whore Dress and a pair of Bimbo loafers, and top it off with some Ditsy doorags. Plus, her watch only displays two times: get drunk and party time.

And, I can see what could happen here. Every celebrity jumped on the bandwagon for creating their own perfume, so next, we're going to see celebs all over pawning their own cosmetics. Sure, we've already got the Kate and Ashley line out there, but that's not enough. We need the Tammy Fay Baker line and the Whitney Houston crack whore collection (you'll love the white powder cosmetics).

Paris Hilton is further shown to be a moron as she heads into lawsuit after lawsuit. One of her present suits is about her alleged slander against another heiress. Diamond heiress, Zeta Graff, is suing Hilton for concocting lies to a New York Page Six publication.

Graff argues that Hilton told the publication that Graff went "berserk" at a nightclub and tried to rip a diamond necklace off Hilton's neck. Although Hilton now admits it was a lie, she claims she's not at fault and places the blame on her former publicist.

During the trial, Paris uttered stupidity such as

When questioned on the last name of a companion identified as Terry, who was with her on the night of the reported run-in with Graff, Hilton replied, "It is like a weird Greek name. Like, Douglas."

Later, Graff's lawyer, Paul Berra, asked her if she was aware that the false item had made its way into "U.K. publications."

"No," Hilton replied. "There is stuff in London."

Her lawyer, Larry Stein, jumped in to explain, "London is a U.K. publication."

"Right. U.K. Whatever," Hilton answered, per the deposition.

Paris is, of course, a moron for many, many, many more reasons.

For instance, she published a book that had pink on each and every page. The book is called Confessions of an Heiress, and it has numerous helpful hints to help one know what it takes to be perceived as an heiress. All of this fabulous information can be found between chapter one: "It’s All About Me" and chapter twelve: "The Ultimate Heiress Wedding".

And, seeing as I haven't read the book, I can only imagine what the other chapter titles might be and the contents within. Here's my guess:

Chapter 2: Find a jittery purse-sized mutt or other odd pets.

Hilton has not only been noted fashioning a monkey and a ferret, but she has primarily been seen carrying her punter of a pooch, Tinkerbell. This has gotten her into a lot of hot water from animal rights groups who claim she's not taking proper care of the dog, but she's also gained negative feedback from the public for swapping Tinkerbell with another tiny Chihuahua named Bambi because Tinkerbell got too big to be her accessory.

Chapter 3: Wear yellow. Yellow is the new pink, which was the new black.

I have a premonition that yellow will be the new pink for Paris for a few reasons.

Paris may be in trouble for p*ssing in a cab in Maui. Apparently, she couldn't hold it in, so she peed in the cab on her way between bars. The cab driver towelled up her mess and plans to take it in for DNA testing (likely to cash in on a suit, but that's just my guess). Her other yellow experience is in promoting a company called goyellow.de. And finally, she shows her need to expell the yellow as she orders her aides to clear the bathroom for her and her friends whenever she wants, leaving decent, less ignorant folks waiting even longer to use the john.

Chapter 4: Finger out the food - using bulemia to stay thin and ghastly.

That's right. Some believe the horrible heiress may be barfing her way to stardom. Decide for yourself.

Chapter 5: How to conceal gossip about other famous people.

Hilton's newly learned hint - don't keep their information in your cell phone day planner because it could be hacked.

Chapter 6: Strike a pose - over and over and over again.

Some think that Hilton has variety and depth; others, however, know better.

Chapter 7: Friends in low places - how to keep friends who are wealthy, but dumb like you.

Hilton has been seen with a past Moron Of The Week, Tara Reid. She is also known to have been friends with the daughters of some cr*ppy 80s singers. Nicole Richie for one (adopted daughter of Lionel Richie) and Kimberly Stewart (daughter of Rod Stewart).

Hilton, Stewart, and Reid are also known to have topped PETA's worst-dressed list (now I'm confused: laugh at the morons or applaude for p*ssing off PETA?).

Chapter 8: Use a catchphrase to its bitter end.

Of course, we all know Paris Hilton for her stupid saying, "That's Hot", but did you know that she's not too swift on how to print it grammatically correct. (okay, she may not have made the shirt, but if you have any self-respect and knowledge of the English language, you wouldn't likely wear something so embarrassing).

Chapter 9: Hide your drug habit - it's okay to be known as a drunk, but not as a druggy.

We know Hilton for her stumbling around like a drunken lunatic, but we never hear anything about her doing drugs... until now.

Chapter 10: Keep your racist sentiments to yourself - another lesson she has not yet learned.

Hilton has been accused by her new boyfriend's friend of spewing racist remarks such as calling him a lazy Mexican.

And finally,

Chapter 11: How to maintain the appearance of a rich, waste of space on this planet.

Hilton is shown as a grubby vehicle owner as a valet, cleaning service refused to decontaminate her land rover. I guess the snotty rich b* can't get everything she wants. Apparently, the vehicle was full of sh*t, from magazines to some grody underwear (I wouldn't touch that possibly disease-ridden stuff either).

Waste of space, I mean Hilton, is also a dolt for losing £2 million worth of diamonds at a party. That sounds familiar as I remember writing about moron Tara Reid losing money at an airport, too.

And, there's always the Paris Hilton who believed in Santa until she was 17.

So, what are you saying, that Santa isn't real??? Paris Hilton, you are a mean person because I never knew that he wasn't real. Wah wah!

To conclude this, it is reported that Hilton plans to retire from her public role in 2007.

We can only hope.

My question is what publicity stunt is she planning for 2007 for her to draw a connection to herself and that year? A little baby accessory to carry in her purse? Let's just hope it doesn't grow too big, or she might get rid of it.

More on the moron:
Aw, Paris, it's not so bad, is it?
Watch Hilton screw (safe for work, non-graphic)
Paris will get with anything
Nobody likes camel toe wedgy or crotch itch.
Paris's Carl's Jr. commercial
This is one funny blog about Hilton's secret diary
Superficial both inside and out
Paris Hilton Christmas shrine
The smoking gun sex tape info
Paris wants Punxsutawney Phil as a pet
Not quite Hilton's Carl's Jr. ad
Paris just a little obsessed with herself
Paris to play Zsa Zsa Gabor in telemovie
Paris to sing about Nicole?
Hilton and her lolli, and perhaps a kiss with a friend
Another clearance for Hilton at the loo
Hilton's butt patch
For the Canucks and others who know the old tv show, The Kids In The Hall. She kind of reminds me of the chicken lady here (it's uncanny).
The scariest halloween mask ever.
Paris Hilton sings
Paris likes dogs. Maybe a little too much.
Learn some Paris quotes She'll astound you with her genius.
Paris Hilton Not Killed in Car Crash; Nation Mourns
Paris Laya

This one has explicit content - Warning: boob, twat, butt, and poor clothing choices. Viewer discretion is advised.

Congrats again Stray Dog

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

For those unaware, today is the annual International Holocaust Remembrance Day.

On January 27, 1945, Soviet forces liberated the Auschwitz-Birkenau extermination camp, discovering the largest Nazi killing center in Europe.

Although the day is riddled in conflict with some Muslim groups and perhaps other communities, it is still essential that we do not forget what happened and how what happened has supplied us the freedom we have today.

Having a personal history related to WWII, I respect the day despite the political/bureaucratic bologna that goes along with it.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It is noted that president George W. Bush is cousins with Playboy founder, Hugh Hefner.

Yet another reason to love your president.

Actually, with the seeming horniness of the last US president, you'd think Clinton and Hefner were related. Bet he'd love that. The White House would be moving onto the Playboy estate.

UPDATE: Somewhere here is a joke about Hef and his relations with bush (if you know what I mean).

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

You heard me. Enjoy your freshly scented balls with new balla.

It's the

anti-chafing and anti-wetness solution for clammy sacks.

All the most attractive areas of a man can become even more appealing with balla.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

It seems a millionaire left $1.1 million to the federal government upon her death.

Margaret Taylor's will stated that her fortune was to be put towards paying off the national debt.

I don't know why, but this one initial warmed the cockles of my heart.

Although I doubt the payment will do anything truly significant, considering the size of the debt, it does sound like a thoughtful effort.

It's too bad millionaires don't have it in them to do this all the time: dead or alive.

It would be nice to see celebs, sports stars, and self-made millionaires invest more into the country that keeps them safe and well fed.

I know the cost of living is greater for the wealthy and we can't expect them to live modestly with all that cash flowing through their hands, but they could do more for their country than anyone else, if they chose to.

But, who am I to say anything? I'm certainly not in their shoes to know any better.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hello PERVs.

Welcome to another meeting full of fresh and aggressively annoying protest ideas. Let's get right down to business, shall we?

I would like to discuss the unnatural and horrific product, salad in a bag. These are pre-packaged salads in which primarily lettuce and a few other innocent veggies are ripped from their homes and mutilated all for the benefit of public consumption.

We have, on our side, Meat Market Grocery, who has recently announced that it intends to discontinue the sales of salads in its produce section. They are viewing lettuce as living creatures rather than as a commodity that deserves no consideration.

A similar action is being taken by Whole Foods where they are looking into whether lobster tanks mimic natural conditions or not. Whole Foods plans to stop selling lobster.

We here at PERV say that at least lobster get to live for a while longer in the tanks, unlike the poor innocent lettuce and their babies.

Presently, we have spokespeople sending letters to grocers to boycott the sales of produce. We've stated that our celebrity spokespeople will not promote their grocery store if they do not give into our demands (I mean, requests).

PERVs, being meat eaters, argue against PETA and other animal rights groups when they say that lobster is not a health food and is "not something anybody needs to eat". As president of PERV, I say, no, but they sure are darn good!

I think it's just sick that groups like PETA protest meat eating because the less meat people eat, means the more veggies they'll eat.

Eat lobster, not lettuce!

At least lobster don't feel pain.

Viva La PERV!

Meeting Adjorned.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

A woman and her son have a case against McDonalds because they claim that a hot fudge sundae they ordered was tainted with blood.

It all happened when the 12 year old ate some of his sundae and tasted blood. Upon inspection, they noted a red substance on the side of the cup and mixed in with the ice cream.

What I want to know is how he "knew" what the taste of blood was like.

What is he, a vampire?

When the two brought the issue to the manager's attention, he allegedly admitted that it was blood and that the employee who prepared the food was injured and bleeding, and was asked to keep a bandage on his finger.

I want to know why they didn't have the guy wear a finger condom. If anything, that lawsuit seems legitimate simply because they didn't ensure that the food was protected from contamination.

The owner of the restaurant, who was not present at the time, believes otherwise, however, saying that it was just strawberry syrup. He figured that the syrup probably clogged the machine and that the claim is unfounded.

Sounds like a shady owner to me. I wouldn't doubt if he was a McDonald's night shift custodian in his past. Not pretty enough to work with the public; not smart enough to work with the tills.

(I kid, of course. Every legal job is respectable to me.)

But, who knows if that really was blood or strawberry syrup in the cup.

What I do know is that I'm still glad that i don't eat at McD's.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Okay, okay, looks like I'm going to have to give you all a hint for the moron of the week.

Hmmm... what can I say that will aid, but not give it away? Sorry, this isn't much, but it's tougher to come up with hints than it is to come up with morons.

This person is all about #1.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Okay the world's gone topsy-turvy.

It's snowing in Hawaii and there's no snow where I live, here in Vancouver, Canada.

Does this mean the moonbats are finally going to shut their yaps? I mean, if things can be THAT opposite, then perhaps we have a chance of it happening.

You're right, I'm dreaming.

Hello

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Posted by Samantha at 01:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Yay, it's Robbie Burns night. Today would be popular Scottish poet, Robert Burns' birthday.

Burns was believed to be a lady's man, and with a name like that, I don't doubt it for a second.

No relation... or is there?

Here's a poem suiting of the night: To a Haggis (1786).

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Posted by Samantha at 11:01 AM | Permalink

I have decided to run as the next leader of Canada.

Yes, although the Conservatives just got into office the other day, and the Liberals just got the boot, and although it's not even plausible for me to gather a party together and get into office in the next term considering I have no experience and really, no desire to be a politician, I think it is time for a change in this country.

This country needs a leader who will be open and transparent for once, and I am just the person to do that.

(You also need a leader who can write such long-running sentences like the one above^^ because that is an assurance that you will receive long-winded speeches that cut in during the middle of your favourite tv programmes.)

I have already come up with a platform that will knock your socks off.

My goal as leader of this wonderful land is singular: Honesty.

I will promote Honesty amongst my constituents in every aspect of leadership.

Honesty in raising taxes.

Honesty in corruption.

Honesty in taking from the rich and taking from the poor, all for the benefit of Sam.

There will be... GUARANTEED... no scandal brought on under the Samantha Burns (regime) leadership because I will be 100% honest about stealing from you.

Is there a better party out there? No. Will I serve you in your best interest? No.

The answers are clear.

A vote for Sam means a vote for truth in politics.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This post submitted under stress by Lostinlimaohio, and somehow slithered by without Sam's approval.

I never thought I would say it. I never thought I would agree that having a sex change could be an unexpected blessing for someone. I mean, sure some people will agrue that after a sex change great things happened in their lives. That perhaps they "found" themselves and where able to finally be what they always felt they where. Only, those are the expected results.

One guy WOMAN can now claim the title to having the "Best Thing Thing That's Ever Happened Due to a Sex Change". Now, before I go and tell you about it, I have to lay down some rules.

Neither I nor Sam or anyone else shall be held liable for someone you know reading this and deciding that it's a great way to go about smuggling drugs in Singapore without having to fear the Great Caning.

If you or anyone you know still decide to preform this operation, I don't want to hear about it. Really. I don't.

A Thai prostitute escaped caning for drug dealing in Singapore after a doctor established that the accused, who was identified in a passport as a man, had undergone a sex change, the Straits Times reported on Friday.

Of course, he's not half the man he used to be- but he sure did save himself a from getting caned.

In other sex change news, David Arquette's brother still intends to go under the blade in his quest to be a woman, only now it won't be a public affair. He's changed his mind on having the nipping aired on a reality based TV show, concerned he's come off looking like a freak. As disappointed as I am sure so many are that his life change won't be forced upon us by network television, at least we can look at the bright side, if he gets caught smuggling drugs in Singapore, he won't be caned.

Article contributed by Lostinlimaohio

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Posted by lostinlimaohio at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

A man in Germany stopped to use a highway rest stop when he got stuck in the stall.

It seems there had been an awful lot of cold weather and snow in recent days that caused the bathroom lock to freeze.

The man, unable to get out, had to wait for someone to use the nearby stall and asked the person to phone for help.

Well, I guess it must be pretty boring to get stuck in a cold, bathroom stall, so I thought I'd jot down a few ideas on how to pass the time.

1. Count the squares of the toilet paper sheets (assuming there is toilet paper. Generally, you'll have to skip this game).

2. Play the guess that smell game by yourself: odds are you'll end up the winner every time.

3. You can count your frozen body parts.

4. If it's an outhouse, you can estimate how deep it is to the bottom. Then, guess how many bowel movements it would take to fill it up to the top.

5. Or, you can count how many poopsicles you see down there.

And finally...

6. Try to decode the tag (vandalism) on the bathroom stall walls.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Read from Kang's Classroom on how to start your own political party.

You'll learn important steps such as compromise, incremental takeover, extensive rectal probing, and whatever you do, don't speak your mind.

(this link is a little dated, but still enjoyable - at least to me, anyhow)

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I asked readers a while ago to send some questions they have for me. Here are a couple of the questions and my responses.

Von asked,

"If you could make one person disappear, who would it be?"

I'm afraid I don't have a better answer for that one.

I also got a question from skegatz who asked,

"if it was proven to you that eating dried snot from your nose was good for your body, would you?"

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Difster asked this awesome question that I have to admit, I've been thinking about for years, but unfortunately never had the brains to ask you all about it like Difster did.

Duh!

But, he was nice enough to send the link to me and now I can ask you all myself, and I encourage you to read his article, which received over 100 comments on the topic. The question goes something like this,

Why is it that men should have to put the toilet seat down for us women? Why can't women put the toilet seat UP for men?

It's gross for both men and women to have to touch the dirty thing, so why should one be forced to do the touching and not the other?

I mean, if it's down, the men have to put it up then down again.

If it were up, women would have to put it down then up again.

Why not just put it to where you need it, then the next person who goes in there puts it to where they need it? And, yes, I've lived with men, so I know that this way is no skin off my back.

I guess it all depends on if you're the kind of woman who falls in because she doesn't look first.

But that's your wet-butted problem, not mine, lol.

When you go check out the responses at Difster's place, check out Kiwi The Geek's first comment, it's intriguing.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Toilet Seat Up or Down? [by The World According to Nick]

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Posted by Samantha at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Some scientists are finally telling us what we want to hear.

They are saying that it is better to be sick with a partner, than to isolate. They don't mean to intentionally cough or sneeze on one another, rather they encourage people to have hot sex.

In order to fight disease, they say that hot, passionate kisses and good sex is something that microbes fear most.

Through extensive research, it's been noted that sexual intercourse improves ones physical condition as well as builds the immune system.

This is a result of an increase in phagocytes, and they state that oftentimes, the number of these cells almost doubles after orgasm.

My question is shouldn't men get sick less often than women then? They always have orgasms, and women typically don't have them as often, and some, not at all. You'd think men's immune systems would be outstanding comparably.

What we really need to know is why are men such babies when they get sick? Always needing "mommy" to look after them. What's that all about, and how can we cure this sickness?

And, oh ya...

*cough* *cough* I think I need treatment.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Harper wins it!

Yup the Conservatives have won over the Liberals.

Although it is a minority government, Canadians made it clear that this is the time for change.

What will happen for Canada?

My guess is not too much, at least not to start. We still don't know who's going to form alliances with whom, and how the next 18 months will be as there is still a possibility of another election if things do not go well.

I don't see that happening, though, because the new government needs a chance to grow rather than having opposition jump the gun on that one. Plus, there will be a new Liberal leader, which means that that person will have to prove him/herself before trying to defeat the Conservatives.

No matter what, I'm sure we'll see a lot less corruption and scandal unless the Conservatives find more tidbits from the previous leadership hidden in the books.

Let's hope the past Prime Ministers didn't screw us that much.

And, if so, let's hope this government can fix things properly.

Cheers!

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
The Age of Right Thinking [by Committees of Correspondence]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Here's an update on last week's Moron Of The Week, George Galloway. Enjoy a write up of his farcical performance on Celebrity Big Brother where he wears a skin tight red leotard.

You know, his nickname's gorgeous George, but I just don't see it.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:06 PM | Permalink

Canadian or not, you'll likely get a kick out of these parodies of smear ads.

I teared up on Target Practise and Hidden Agenda, but I encourage you to watch them all start to finish as they are all excellent and hilarious.

Thanks to Drunken Wisdom where I first saw the link, and to A North American Patriot for the link.

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Posted by Samantha at 03:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Independent Sources informs us that the MSM is getting a lot more interesting; that is, if you like misinformation and a good story.

Instead of spending some much deserved time on the Martin Luther King Jr. observance, a hospitalized ex-president, or other top stories, CBS2 chose to focus more on rat sex during a caffeine high.

And, if you'll go read the Independent Sources article, you'll find that CBS2 grossly misinformed their viewers.

Yup, gotta love the MSM for its hard, cold facts and unadulterated reports.

Now that I think of it, they are being honest. I mean, many mainstream media persons do tend to say,

"and now for our top story or the day".

So, it's not like their biased reports are in the wrong. Perhaps we're in the wrong for thinking they should be supplying us with the truth and fair/balanced reporting.

That's right, it's blame the victim time.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This article contributed by The Land of Ozz

The following is a edited version of what Googlism returns when you type in "Sam". The information in the [brackets] was added to spice it up a little.

sam is saving us from ourselves
sam is in big trouble [for trying]
sam is the worst drug fiend in the world sam is nation's most [desired blogger] sam is now america's no [Moron] sam is evidently feeling the heat [from TTLB over this OTA thing] sam is stuck in the gulf without a compass [and a boat] sam is evil sam is near impossible [to contact via email] sam is now the world's #1 drug pusher [drugs of choice OTA and MOTW] sam is expected to make [a million for the OTA thing] sam is out to get you [some more traffic via OTA] sam is a chinese spy [planting stink bombs in your blog comments] sam is hooked on search and seizure and just can't stop it sam is my father [in-law] sam is this company's rich uncle [somebody's paying the bill] sam is a real vip [at Waffle House] sam is watching you [from behind those moron silhouettes] sam is facing a busy year [eating those cookies planted in your browsers] sam is not your dad [so don't ask for the keys to the car] sam is a bastard [step child of the TTLB ranking system] sam is watching you [I told you once, can't you tell?] sam is usually portrayed with a goatee [before her morning shave]

sam is pissed [because I picked these stupid Googlisms] [AND] sam is a mean jerk who hates me [even more than ever]

[now I will try to save face by saying]
sam is beloved
sam is beloved all over the world
sam is smarter than you
sam is beautiful
sam is sexy
sam is really sexy
sam is way hot
sam is indeed more beautiful in person than on tv [okay I'm guessing] sam is for you sam is the greatest homepage sam is saving us from ourselves sam is everywhere sam is here sam is here to stay sam is [yes she is]

Hat tip: Danny Kaye over at www.nothing important to.us who got it from Adjust.

I am known by TheOzz on my blog, but better known as Hank around the house.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

A little while ago, Sam did an interview with independent candidate Jack Cook for the riding of Fleetwood - Port Kells, BC. Seems he now has his DVD online for all to view.

It starts a little slow, but Mr. Cook loosens up a smidge as it goes along.

It's a very creative way to share a political platform, to say the least.

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Posted by MrBig at 09:19 AM | Permalink

The World According To Nick is the champion for guessing that George Galloway was last weeks moron, thus dethroning The Waterglass.

Congrats The World According To Nick, do you think you can go for two? Let's find out.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your right is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Moron [by Drunken Wisdom]

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Posted by Samantha at 01:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (21)

And, now for some golf news.

It seems a golfer named Gary Cruickshank hit two hole in ones consecutively.

He considers his double hole-in-one surreal and is waiting to see if his 'stroke' of luck qualifies for a world record.

Sorry to disappoint you buddy, but there is someone who achieved a greater feat.

Lol, that is if you believe the political puffery of Kim Jong Il:

"According to North Korean government sources (official propaganda), the country's leader Kim Jong Il is a golf convert and he shot a 38-under-par 34 at Pyongyang Golf Club, shaving 25 strokes off the single-round world record set in 1977 by U.S. pro Al Geiberger. Kim nailed five holes-in-one."

"Mr Kim's amazing powers also extend into the physical realm. He is, according to those around him, an expert horseman and golfer, having shot 11 holes-in-one during his first-ever round."

Yup, 18 hole-in-ones.

"I'm so wrone-wree. So wrone-wree."

Egomaniac.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Sense of soot is on to the invasion in a big way.

There's even more news on the grapevine "about" (pronounced a-boot) the Canada geese poop incident: this time in New York.

Canadians are on their way down south: and not just for winter.

And, as I commented at Sense of Soot, we've sent Jim Carrey down there for you. Although he was great and funny when he first arrived and you all welcomed him in with opened arms, once "IN", he's begun stinking up the place (in my opinion anyhow).

It's because we hit you guys with another bomb: a comedy bomb.

Once again, sorry. Sorry, Sense of Soot, sorry ;-)

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Posted by Samantha at 09:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Mistersnitch brings us some potty talk.

So, what would happen if someone went in there at night time with a flashlight and turned it on? Could someone else put their face against the glass, peek into it and see something?

Another question, why? What possessed someone to create this? It's great, but why?

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink