The Crazy Rants of Samantha BurnsCanadian Air Raids Continue
Don't say I didn't warn you people in the States about the impending invasion of Canada.
We've just launched our newest subtle attack on the country.
And, it's a messy one.
I'll bet you thought it would stop at Fabio, but no, our Canada goose mission extends further as we pummel Oakland picnic-goers with poop.
How it all began was we coerced Oakland into taking a few of our missionaries (the geese) into refuge about 20 years ago, and since then, the soldiers have been trained to reproduce in quantities of about 200 with about 2,000 more soldiers arriving each summer, causing a poop fiasco.
This many Canadian geese produce a ton of feces each day.
Seeing as Canada doesn't have real weapons, we figure these poop bombs make up for it. Oakland is merely our trial city, but wherever geese may roam, you can suspect they are up to something sinister.
They are our spies as you know.
And, we've noticed that you've attempted to diffuse the foul situation by taking various measures - be it using grass that the geese won't eat, distasteful chemicals, or fencing off areas. You've even began hiring firms such as Goosebusters and Wild Goose Chase, which uses dogs to chase away the birds.
But, let me assure you that these are all feeble attempts.
You cannot dissolve our mission.
We shall provail.
Comments
ROFLMAO!
I knew it was a great Canadian conspiracy.
Posted by: Maidink | January 19, 2006 07:57 AM
Go ahead and bury Oakland. We're not using it anymore anyway and it's not much to look at.
Posted by: Grrrbear | January 19, 2006 09:10 AM
Send 'em down here! Los Angeles can absorb an amazing amount of poop...
Posted by: SilverDragon | January 19, 2006 09:43 AM
You cant even eat the damn things ... filled with carcinogens from anus to bill.
Posted by: mdmhvonpa | January 19, 2006 09:50 AM
Canada's got weapons of messy destruction!
Posted by: Night Writer | January 19, 2006 11:56 AM
I just hope they don't hit the Baldwins.
Posted by: Dangeorus Dan | January 19, 2006 12:07 PM
Ugh. Where I grew up in Boston, we had a Canadian Geese problem wherein they decided that our football and soccer fields were a suitable lavatory. Playing tackle football in a field covered in Geese poop is decidely unpleasant.
It was a contributing factor to my early retirement from football.
Posted by: Tman | January 19, 2006 02:38 PM
Canada Geese RULE!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Diane | February 19, 2006 10:20 AM