The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Macstansbury.org encouraged me to check out this article that seems right up my alley.

I have to agree with Right Hand of God on the issue of health foods, starbucks, and PETA.

They all suck!

Although I'm not sure what Whole Foods (a natural and organic grocery store) is like inside, I do know that we have one here in Vancouver somewhere. I've obviously never been there, but I'm having a desire to visit the place just to harrass a few neo-hippy freaks.

I try to stay as far away from those rip off joints as I can because I really don't give a d*mn if my pasta is chicken friendly or my cows are corn fed, or whatever. And, I'm not about to pay high prices for that bologna. Just give me a big fat juicy lump of your best prime cut, chemically enhanced steer, and I'll be on my way.

And, if I can get it for cheap, even better.

I think that's all those places are about anyhow. Wannabes trying to prove themselves, thinking they're healthier than everyone else, and thinking they are gaining prestige in society by paying 3 times more than what one pays in a regular grocery store.

Dream on, hosers! Besides, most people couldn't care less how healthy and 'perfectly' brown your floaties are after you poop 'em out.

(sorry for the image, but it had to be said)

I've shamefully admitted it before that I have a neo-hippy friend or two, and these people DO in fact discuss their turds on a regular basis with me. Hence, one of the many reasons why I don't hang out with them too often.

They are also just SO pious buying their "natural" products, too, aren't they?

Give me a gawd-dang break already.

And, as the article implies, these are the same organic fools who pay an arm and a leg to drink their frickin' coffee at Starbucks (Upchucks, as I call it).

How can neo-hippies afford all these added expenses when many don't have decent jobs, if any job, AND they are on the road protesting everywhere they go?

Save the whales and the red woods.

I got your red wood right here, b****!

Mommy and Daddy must be pretty darn loaded to pay off their embarrassment of a child all the time. What is it? Like,

"Here you go, Johnny, take this $100 from mommy if you promise me you won't embarrass the family name for at least one week. Please!"

Ya, I know there are also some white collar folks out there who buy organic and drink Upchucks, but that's all just for show.

Apparently, it's still fashionable to waste money on junk.

That is so 80's, as they say.

Nope, it's regular coffee (and I don't care if it's fair trade/free trade/f*cktard coffee either), chemically altered food, and a whole lot of normal living for me.

And, heck, throw in a bottle of absinthe, some ammo, and some cigars while we're at it, and I'll go off with a bang.

Who wants to live to be 100 anyways? Similar to what Denis Leary says about smoking, the end years are the worst years of one's life, anyhow. They're the wheelchair, kidney dialysis, adult diaper years.

You can have 'em.