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Plop Thief!

I can't help writing about this sort of topic when these news items keep heading my way. Plus, I think it's frickin' funny.

Jacksonville has been a few toilets short of a full load recently as there has been a rash of toilet thefts in the city.

In one month, a total of 4 toilets have been stolen in two separate incidents. And, both were taken from women's washrooms.

I sure hope that's not some sort of weird new fetish out there.

They say that the toilets stolen weren't in use at the time, which I think is a good thing. Ew!

Just imagine, though, if the thieves get caught, they will be known for the rest of their lives as the Potty Pillagers.

What kind of theft is that anyhow? Is some plumber on a rampage or something?

I just hope they don't try to steal the Big Johns out there. A lot of butts could be sad to see that go.

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I may have to get one of those Big John seats. while my butt is fairly normal sized, sometimes my, er, "deposits" are extra large. There is nothing more embarrassing than having one of them get stuck in the opening of a standard toilet seat.

If you are a larger person you have almost certainly found that many standard toilet seats are just too darn small.
Loose some fucken weight then! Seriousely, if you have to go out and but a toilet seat that you fit your fat ass on, then I think you sould be buying a diet plan, not a shitter!

A key piece of info missing from the article is whether the stolen toilets are "lo-flow" water saving toilets or the old standard SUV of toilets that can use up to 3 gallons of water to wisk away your dirty work.

Florida, in some jurisdictions, is woefully short on potable water. In Orlando, even good hotels install the water-saver toilets. These things are, frankly, crappy. They plug up easily for the obvious reasons. Building codes now insist on low-flow appliances and I guess that is the one thing the beaurocracies can do since asking people to change their behavior has not been a great success. Local plumbing supply and Home Depot stores might not, perhaps cannot, carry the better working products.

I just hope these crap-happy theives don't ever find out about my stash of water guzzlers.

My guess is that what is being stolen are the larger capacity toilets that don't require being dlushed 7 or 8 times. Granted I am puzzled why these water closer cat burglars waited until now to strike. That was a crime wave that peaked right when the low flush (no flush) regs first went into effect.

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