The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Today is my final installment of the Best of Sam. You know, I've gotta get over my hangover, too, eh. I hope everyone had a Happy New Year like I did and that the rest of the year goes great for everyone.

Heed these fuel saving tips from msn.com as tough times approach:

1. Keep your vehicle well maintained

2. Accelerate gradually, drive with care, and anticipate stops

3. Don't be idle too long at drive thrus, schools

4. The air conditioner is a burden that uses fuel, roll down windows

5. Plan your errands into one trip

6. Weather conditions have a role, too, when driving into headwinds

7. Attempt uphill climbs as little as possible;likewise gravel roads

8. Of course, public transportation is a wise choice

Those were msn's suggestions, now here are my suggestions:

1. Buy SUV's and kingcab trucks

2. Make sure you only leave work during peak rush hour times

3. Best way to keep the car warm for you in the morning is to leave it running all night.

4. Drive to the corner store that's within a mere walking distance; why burden your feet with that effort?

5. Soup up your car and challenge everyone you see at the stop signs to a street race.

6. Use only high octane gasoline when you're at the pumps, regardless of whether your car needs it or not.

7. Move as far a distance as you can from work so that you will have a long and enjoyable commute.

8. Practise doing 360 degree donuts in parking lots for hours at a time.

BONUS: I don't care if you have the option of carpooling with coworkers - DON'T - they'll just be annoying passengers.

And remember, gasoline makes a great starter fluid for campfires.