The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

But, for some reason, I don't think I'll get a lot of customers.

Now, although I've never had a marriage, I can only say this through the experiences of others.

1. Marriage is like a fingernail. If you nurture it and care for it, it can grow into a beautiful thing. But, if you bite at it, pull and tug on it, it will become ugly and very painful.

2. A spouse is like a toothpick. They can be there for you when you need them, but if you choose a defective one, you could get stabbed.

3. Getting married is like a bowel movement. They say it's good for you to do, but the process can be painful and sometimes it stinks.

4. Marriage is like a wind tunnel. Get trapped in one and you could get tossed around.

5. Marriage is like licking battery acid. 'Nuff said.

6. Marriage is like fertilizer. Sometimes it can be used to nurture and grow, and sometimes it's just the sh*ts.

7. Marriage is like an expensive dream item. If you want it bad enough, you'll do anything for it, but you'd better be willing to pay the price.

8. Marriage is like relaxing on a sunny beach. It can be rocky, you can get burned, and sometimes there's bits of poo hiding below the surface.

9. Marriage is like an airport terminal. Just about everyone has brought some baggage.

10. They say marriage is like wine - it gets better with age. I say, marriage is like wine - sometimes you just get a sour grape.

Bonus: I do like this one that I found online.

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting. - Anonymous