The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

I found this at some news thing similar to National Enquirer, so take it for what it is, but it was too good for me to pass up.

It has been reported that you can now find out if your favourite little pet-y-poo is mentally challenged or not. Just turn to an animal psychologist to find out, or heed these tips.

If you have a dog, watch out for this sign: when asked to bring the leash, your dog will instead

"yank an extension cord out of the wall socket with its teeth, getting shocked."

I guess if you have this kind of dog for a pet, you can call it dumb dog and really mean it.

For a pet bird, be observant for mental retardation if it

"can't tell the difference between its offspring and that of other species. So it's not unusual to see one of them dropping a fat, juicy worm into a human baby's mouth -- and then trying to teach it to fly."

And, the third on their list is the fish. Ya, I bet you never thought they could be retarded, but they are, especially if it ignores the sprinkled food you give it and instead goes to the bottom of the tank and eats the gravel.

Fish. What do they know, anyhow? They swim around and around in a bowl all day not knowing any better. Besides, they look better on my plate, soaking in some lemon juice and dipped in tartar sauce.

Anyhow, I thought of my own set of family pets that could be retarded if you notice these traits.

A cat - your pet cat may be retarded if when you throw it off the couch, it doesn't land on all fours.

(come get me PETA, I'm encouraging animal abuse, lol. Whooo... throwing it off a couch, whoa no.)

A turtle - your turtle's considered retarded if it actually runs fast. You know the old tortoise and hare story; well, a fast running turtle means it has a chemical imbalance.

This means that if it's slow, it's normal, but if it's fast, it's slow.

And, of course, the hamster - if it's running backwards on the spinning wheel, you've got a problem.