The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns: Moron Revealed #19

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Moron of the Week - 19 - Lindsay Lohan Well, it looks like no one guessed it again, which mean that Stray Dog Found maintained the title for three straight weeks, matching Peace of my mind.

Congratulations Stray Dog Found. Will you beat the record?

Of course, our triple threat socialite moron is Lindsay Lohan, who oddly changed her name from Lindsay Dee Lohan to Lindsay Morgan Lohan for Hollyweird.

Ya, 'cause that makes for a massive difference.

Well, we all know that creating rivalries and tiffs is the old school way of getting famous - eg. we saw it with Britney SpareMe vs. Christina Ugliara - and there is also the new way of getting into the public eye by making a spectacle of yourself as a drunken whore.

Lohan has achieved both, and more.

Oh ya, and don't forget the third way of being acknowledged by doing drugs and barfing a lot.

Recently, it's been said that Lohan has admitted to drug abuse and bulimia.

Although, I guess we should give her some credit since she vows to stay out of the celeb business until she cleans up her act. Ya, right.

How 'bout you do us all a favour and stay out of the business for good.

Triple Moron Threat Lohan has had a career as a model, an actor, and a singer much like her idol Ann-Margret. And, much like Ann-Margret, Lohan bites as a singer and likely only achieved any recognition as having talent because of her teenie-bopper fan base and the pathetically perverted pedophiles that follow her.

Lohan also does a hat trick as she gets herself into 3 different car accidents in the same year. First, she rear ends someone, then a papparazzo hits her car for a photo op, and finally she hits a van in West Hollywood.

Get.Her.Off.The.Road.

One year and three accidents.

Moron.

Now on to her childish publicity stunt tiffs. She was once reported to have been in a catfight with Hilary Duff over boy star, Aaron Carter. Of course, after they got all the publicity they needed from the "scandal", they denied there ever was a feud.

Same deal made with Ashlee Simpson (another one on the Moron of the Week hit list).

And thirdly, Jessica Simpleton, I mean, Simpson.

Oh yes, and let's not forget Lohan pulls a Paris Hilton as she "loses" her diary.

Gee, she's not pulling any punches on the wannabe socialite bandwagon, is she?

And, as for the "loses" part, the dimwitt took her diary nightclubbing with her and "lost" it while being wasted.

Sure, nobody smells a set up there.

Duh!

And regardless of her talentlessness, Lohan manages to get her dumba$$ face put on a My Scene Barbie-type doll.

Pandering to the kiddies in any way possible.

Although, I am looking forward to one day seeing a real life doll of her - Trailer Park Lohan, comes with jailhouse daddy and an outhouse for those bulimic episodes.

Lohan is also a Triple Twit through hospitalisation ventures. First, in 2005 which it is believed was due to a swollen liver and kidney infection as a result of, what else, bulimia. Second, an asthma attack in January 2006. Lohan got a tattoo to commemorate the asthma attack... and to remind her to breathe.

And, recently, third on the hospital hack's list is a cut leg from a teacup slip up. Apparently, out from the shower, Lohan carries a teacup down stairs, slips, falls, and the ceramic teacup cuts her leg.

She's a swift one alright.

This is a hilarious portrayal of Lohan's teacup incident.

Lohan you can sit proudly alongside your other socialite idol, Paris Hilton, as a member of the moron of the week club.

More on the moron:
Lohan's diet chamber
Defamer Lohan gossip
Lohan Fully Loaded on Coke to lose weight?
Lohan charging kids $19.95 to join fanclub?

May 2008

Comments

Rats. I was hoping it was Great Cthulhu.

Posted by: Dave D | February 10, 2006 04:44 AM

It's a pity. because how cute was she in that completely pointless but cute remake of The Parent Trap?

Posted by: K | February 10, 2006 05:24 AM

Wow, that's a scary picture of her.

Posted by: The Cubicle Reveren | February 10, 2006 05:30 AM

Yeah, K. She was cute as a kid. Way overrated as a teen scream. I hope she does step back and regroup. She's young and she needs to go to college or somewhere where she can find out who she is. And a Morgan she is not. What's up with that? If my daughter changed her name, she'd need more than rehab. Good grief...

Posted by: dee | February 10, 2006 06:34 AM

There is some good news, eh? She is at least causing accidents in the states so you have it safer than us down here!! LOL

Good moron. Who's next? I can't think of anyone better than Cindy, since she won MOTY she will always be my candidate for weekly moron too!!!!

Posted by: Sue | February 10, 2006 06:51 AM

Oh, rat farts. I was gonna guess her, then I looked at the silhouette and thought "Nah, not emaciated enough. Couldn't be her."

Lord have mercy but she is a wiftball!

Posted by: Maidink | February 10, 2006 11:22 AM

Does Herbie Fully Loaded qualify as a car accident?

Posted by: joseph | February 10, 2006 01:27 PM

Lol, joseph. Okay, make that 4 flub ups for her.

Posted by: Sam | February 10, 2006 02:10 PM

Good one Stray Dog Found! Congratulations