The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Hello All, it's time again for another PERV meeting, so let's get right down to it.

Foremost, we must spread the lie, I - I mean truth that PERV does not condone violent acts.

Recently, your humble president was confronted by some local vegetarians for inadvertently having a few mushrooms in my shopping basket at the local Joe's Vegetorium Grocers. At the time, I swore to them that I was not planning on violently chopping them up and frying them with a nice juicy steak, and I maintain my stance regardless of how mouth watering the idea of mushrooms on steak is.

I believe the act was one of sabotage, so please ignore the newspaper headlines that say I was caught at a veggie market attempting to purchase those yummy things, I mean, poor, innocent veggies. No, I believe that someone at Joe's Vegetorium is attempting to put a negative light on PERV, and we must do something drastic to stop this.

Further, someone brutally attack me that night by leaving a severed broccoli head on my doorstep.

It was a frightening experience.

To counter these attacks, I suggest the following.

As our goal is to ignore the welfare of all people and fellow members of society, and to instead focus on protecting the poor, innocent flora, I think we should donate to the vegetable right's terrorist group, Alfalfa.

We have already set up an account for $42,000 to go to this firebombing organisation.

On another note, we have come up with a new strategy for our rebels on the front lines, defending those poor, innocent veggies.

Much like an animal right's group did in 1999 to medical researchers and fur farms, we will send letters booby-trapped with razor blades to horticulturalists. Our hope is that they will be scared out of their careers.

Their fear will be nothing compared to the fear that those poor, defenseless plants feel daily.

On a final note, we thank you all who support PERV regularly. And, to anyone who would like to become a PERV, please sign up in the comment section below.

Save the Veggies before They are Eaten!

VIVA LA PERV!

Meeting adjourned.

(of course, this is a PETA parody article, so don't be a razor blade idiot)
(image courtesy of Diane's Stuff)
(for previous PERV articles: click here)

Linked to Conservative Cat (who's looking for some funny stuff), Don Surber (who's having a best posts of the day contest), Blue Star Chronicles (who's aggravated with the aesthetics of blogging - aren't we all), third world county (who's looking for good articles pissed at Kerry)