The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns: The Sam Interview

This post submitted by Lostinlimaohio, and approved (and hopefully answered) by Sam.

Having nothing to do for a spare few minutes, I started thinking of what this weeks post should be about.

And then, like a flash of lightening- it hit me: Sam had done those interviews with crazy Canadian people (I think she said they were some wouldbe political powers), and then there is this other blogger who does interviews, and that I should try doing one.

So with idea in the works, I started wondering just who I could interview. I mean, who do we really want to know all about? Who is entertaining, and funny, and has a strangely excessive amount of free time on their hands to dedicate to answering equally strange questions.

Of course, SAM!

Now, with idea and person in mind, all I have to do is start asking questions. And I have a bunch of them. I should start with "Hey Sam, I have a few questions for you", but that would have ruined the surprise effect I am going for.

See, I have to have my posts ready by midnight on Wednesdays or she breaks out the whips and comes after me. Once I turn them in, never later than that 11:59 pm deadline, she sort of proof reads them and then puts 'em up.

No time to fake answers with a tactual plan like waiting until the last moment to give her the questions.

So without any further waiting:

1. What nanny would you most consider yourself to be like, Fran or Mary Poppins? And, why.

[Sam] I think I can be a bit of both depending on the situation: vain like Mary Poppins and annoying like Fran. Yes, I'm the worst of both worlds, lol. Actually, the kids seem to be cool with me and have never given me a headache other than the occasional pretending to have no homework bit. When done schoolwork, etc. we usually end up playing some video games for a bit or watching a little tv together. So, if I have to answer one or the other, I would be more like Fran as a "with it" nanny.

2. Is that really what you do?

[Sam] Yes, that's really what I do. That's about the only way I'd be able to maintain this blog the way I do, using my free time and off hours to catch up on my blog work. (okay, okay, I'm really a prostitute using the city library computer to maintain my blog during the day while I hook during the night)

3. Why so many potty related posts?

[Sam] Heh heh, you said "potty". I just think it's d*mn funny, partly because it's generally a taboo subject and partly because I've been inspired by such shows as Beavis & Butthead, The Simpsons, and South Park. And, although I do not have fecophilia, I certainly don't suffer from fecophobia.

4. Do Canadians really have photos of Americans hanging in their bedrooms? (Taken from a previous post way way back)

[Sam] I'm kissing my photos as we speak. *smmmmuck* *smmmmooch*

5. Five bloggers who you'd most like to spank?

[Sam] Oh, don't get me started - only 5? I'd gladly spank anyone who would like it. I think first person who needs a spanking is LILO for asking me these questions. And, married or not, I think the follow would like and/or deserve spankings: miceland (I could be wrong, but I just sense that he'd like that, lol), Difster (right after our lunch), jockeystreet (for giving me a hard time on the environmentalism/animal rights stuff, but he like GN'R, so he can't be all that bad *smiles*), blue state conservative (for giving me a hard time on the whole OTA thing, but it's all good now on this side anyhow *smiles*). The rest of you will have to line up.

6. Five bloggers who you'd most like to spank you?

[Sam] Let's start at the top of the ttlb list and work our way down. No, better yet, start at the bottom of the list and work our way up - I know how freaky some of those smaller bloggers can be, could be fun ;-)

7. If you weren't blogging, what would you be doing?

[Sam] I'd say picking my nose, but I can do that while I'm blogging, so... I'd have to say creating world peace.

8. If you came to visit one of your American blogging friends, and then your visa expired, and they (despite luvin' you) called INS and had you deported, would you still be buddies with them?

[Sam] Remind me to never visit LILO. Actually, I'd pull the same sh*t on anyone visiting me here, so ya, I'd still be buds.

9. Sexiest old man on the planet. (Because I have this thing for Sean Connery, and I am hoping that it's not weird and that other people like old people too, in that "omg he's sexy" kind of way.)

[Sam] Eeeewww, wrinkles. Lol, kidding, of course, but I'd have to say, I've never thought beyond John C. McGinley in terms of older celebs.

10. If you had to pick one, which would you pick?

Pamela Andersons body, 10 years ago
Condi Rice's power
Bill Gate's wife's spending account
or
Daniela Simidchieva's brain (reported IQ of 200)

[Sam] Considering my IQ is slightly above average (which is typical of anyone who's been to university, so that's nothing special really), I'm not going with brains as I already have them. I'm quite fine with my body, so not going with Anderson (besides everything of hers looks terrible to me from below the breasts and within the brain). The spending account would be nice, but couldn't imagine going home to THAT after my daily shopping trips. As for power, with power comes the responsibility of listening to buffoons from the media asking stupid questions, and often the same stupid questions repeatedly. Kudos to Rice, but if I had Condi's power, I would have to use it in other areas of life somehow (I'd prefer the Cleopatra kind of power, making everyone my slave in one way or another).

Well, that concludes my interview. Hopefully, Sam answered all the questions. I don't know yet, because I'm still writing this and haven't sent it to her yet, and so it's not posted for me to look at.

This post submitted by Lostinlimaohio

Linked to outside the beltway, quietly making noise, tmh's bacon bits