Congratulations goes to Jim for guessing correctly that this week's moron is Charlie Sheen, which means that Rooster Cashews has been dethroned.
Yay, Jim.
This moron was especially difficult for me to write about. Not because it was hard to find stuff on him - on the contrary, there was a load of material - no, it's because he's such a pretty moron.
Pretty, but messed up.
Of course, we've known Sheen over the years for being a regular 'has his fair share of problems' moron, but lately he's turned into some sort of 'anal probed by aliens' moron.
Yes, what I'm talking about is his conspiracy theory on 9/11. Chaz was recently seen on the Alex Jone's radio show spouting off a theory of how the twin tower terror attacks were a result of an inside job.
"It seems to me like 19 amateurs with box cutters taking over four commercial airliners and hitting 75% of their targets, that feels like a conspiracy theory. It raises a lot of questions."
What? Like the question, 'did I forget to take my paranoia medication today?' He continues,
"I was up early and we were gonna do a pre-shoot on Spin City, the show I used to do, I was watching the news and the north tower was burning. I saw the south tower hit live, that famous wide shot where it disappears behind the building and then we see the tremendous fireball."
"There was a feeling, it just didn't look any commercial jetliner I've flown on any time in my life and then when the buildings came down later on that day I said to my brother 'call me insane, but did it sorta look like those buildings came down in a controlled demolition?"
Ya, you're right, terrifying things do tend to appear surreal, don't they?
Perhaps you should drop the conspiracy jazz and look into some scientific research and psychological evalutation of your nimble brain, 'cause you're such a wit.
Just shut up and look pretty Chaz.
I don't know, perhaps he's just buying into the nutty theory because his dad's going to run in some political realm, and his just being supportive of his dad's party.
I mean, sure, it sounds just so realistic for the US government to rig up some towers (without anyone noticing, mind you) and get some suicide bombers (the jihad terrorist enemies themselves, mind you) to plow into the buildings rather than believing some nutjobs have finally come through on their long-running threats against the country.
Chaz adds to the screwball commentary that "it feels like from the people I talk to in and around my circles, it seems like the worm is turning."
Ya, because your circle seems to be a bunch of doped up Hollyweird scientology freaks who believe anything unrealistic simply because fame has f*cked with their heads.
Oh ya, Chuck, and that worm that's turning... is that the tequila worm in your tummy after doing shots and blow with your crack whores?
Just wondering, is all.
Sheen adds to his crackpot theory by discussing the president's actions upon hearing the news of the attacks. Chucky states,
"it seems to me that upon the revelation of that news that the secret service would grab the president as if he was on fire and remove him from that room."
Hey 'tard, they need to assess the situation before just jumping the gun, you know.
They do plan for emergency scenarios, eh, and they followed procedure as was expected. To be a frantic freak would definately be unpresident-like.
He goes on to question the complete destruction of the plane set to attack the pentagon,
"show us this incredible maneuvering, just show it to us. Just show us how this particular plane pulled off these maneuvers. 270 degree turn at 500 miles and hour descending 7,000 feet in two and a half minutes, skimming across treetops the last 500 meters."
No, you're right, it wasn't that, it wasn't a terror plane.
It was actually your mothership looking for you to call you on board for your daily probe. It must have missed its landing space.
Moron.
I'm kinda starting to understand the whole 'Denise Richards leaving you' thing. Your priorities are skewed, moron. Perhaps you should be focusing on fixing your family rather than ranting about irrelevant nonsense.
But, hey, Chaswick's doing a different kind of line these days as he has created a kiddy clothes collection, so all's well that ends well, I guess.
It seems family man Charlie has created a clothing line for girls, which was inspired by his daughters Sam (*shudder*) and Lola.
So, ladies and gentlemen, watch for his new Pimp Daddy and Polly Prostitute lines, all items come with anal probe butt flaps for easy access by the mothership.
And, surprise surprise, Chaswick's been purported to have a pill and gambling problem, as well as claims resurfacing about his sluttiness with the prostitutes. I guess he's just trying to live the American dream: sex, drugs, and rock n' roll.
Just, please, Chaz, don't start a singing career.
And, his drug/prostitution problem reared its ugly head into his marriage and has eventually ended up in a bitter separation with wife, Denise Richards. Richards is also thought to have been so concerned about Sheen's promiscuity that she went for an AIDS test. Apparently, she found out about him sleeping with hookers during their short-lived reconciliation.
But, what really gets me is that even though the two were having obvious marital problems a year ago, verging on divorce, they go and get pregnant with a second child anyways.
Duh!
Seriously, enough with the little podpeople.
The Sheen gene needs to stop.
But, all in all, there is Chaswick's acting to look forward to.
HA!
It seems that he will be playing the parody role of Tom Cruise in the new Scary Movie 4. Sheen's character is apparently supposed to do some sort of wacky couch jumping.
Ya, there's a stretch.
What... were those two separated at birth, or something?
And, has anyone else noticed that his tv show characters always have the same name as his. They're all named Charlie - from both Spin City and Two and a Half Men.
My guess is that the shows had to make them the same name so as to not confuse the poor moron.
Like I said, pretty, but not all there.
More on the moron:
Heidi Fleiss, offered these words of wisdom in Us: "You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Not even if you are as hot as Denise Richards."
Insanely offensive joke
Charlie spies on Denise
Off the hooker
Discussing the conspiracy
London Guardian bashes Sheen
Open trackbacks today: Blue Star Chronicles, Cigar Intelligence Agency, imaginekitty, Don Surber, Conservative Cat
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The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns
