The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

People these days seem to be throwing a lot of unusual things at cops: legs, biscuits at police dogs, etc.

But, this is, in fact, the most unusual I've ever heard of.

"Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody."

I dunno, just a hunch.

But, I guess he doesn't have to worry about his girlfriend who he had a falling out with prior to the incident, as I'm sure she doesn't want to be seen with him anymore.

I mean, I can't speak for her or anything, but I don't think I'd be all that interested in a nutzo who just had his penis stitched back on after he cut it off.

But, whatever, the world takes all kinds, even lunatics who lop off their own jewels and hurl them at the coppers. I just wonder what it was like being the police at the moment. Hmmm... dodge the flying d*ck or dodge the knives?

I think I'd take my chances with the knives, lol.

I guess the good thing about this whole adventure is that the doctor said that severed penises are uncommon.

Well, that's a relief.

I'm certainly glad to hear this isn't a common practise among men who get in a tiff with their partners.

Okay, fellas, I'll let you off the hook - you can stop squirming now. The article's over.