The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns: PERV Meet

P.E.R.V.

Today is yet another day with PERVs abound.

Translation - welcome to another PERV meeting.

How's our logo-maker extraordinaire, Diane's Stuff, holding up with her new VP role? Well, I hope. She was feeling a bit out of sorts recently, which I speculate was a result of some meatloaf she ate earlier that was contaminated with vegetables.

I'm not saying that's what happened, I'm just implying that it is important for us to love and care for the poor innocent veggies rather than eat them. I hope the culprit is caught before they attack again.

It seems another PERV, Lostinlimaohio, encountered an event that hit close to home.

PETA was recently spotted near her town protesting KFC. Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, according to PETA, it didn't because they claim that KFC plumps up their food-to-be so much that it cripples the bird.

Well, as you may know, we here at PERV follow the PETA tactics rather closely. Although we are extreme opposites - they eat veggies only; we eat meat only (all hypocrisies aside) - we do use the same strategies to meet our organisation's needs. With that said, LILO reports,

"Delphos is about 10 minutes down the road from where I live. So, I was horrified to find out that the invasion is happening so close to my home! I only wish they'd left that one legged chicken behind- it looks like it would be easier to catch than the ones down the road with two good legs.....".

Here at PERV, I suggest we apply the same strategy outside all vegetarian diners.

And, we need to set up video footage of what goes on behind closed doors at garden centres and agricultural farms, and embellish the horror as much as possible.

For example, I say we set up a camera to videotape a farmer pulling out a carrot from the ground by its "hair" (the green part on top) and add audio of little screams to symbolise the pain the carrot feels as it's ripped from its home.

Excuse me a moment.

*sniffle*

Okay. Okay.

Yes, we need to expose the truth.

To further this venture, I will be using an idea Radioactive Jam has given me to compile a pamphlet, which I expect to share with you all in the future.

Also, tune in next week for another PERV report from Dangerous Dan. In the meantime, you can read his article about the *shudder* Britney Spears sculpture (I guess the pro-life sculptor forgot about her "child on her lap while driving" incident, which doesn't sound too respectful of life to me).

PERVs love veggies in a very special way.

VIVA LA PERV!

Meeting Adjourned.

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Some open trackbacks today are imaginekitty, Freedom Watch, Conservative Cat, TMH's Bacon Bits, customerservant.com