The Crazy Rants of Samantha BurnsTop 10 Reasons Liberals should become Conservatives
1) You'll be happier in life.
2) You'll be able to eat meat guilt free.
3) As liberals like to understand why people are the way they are, you'll understand what it is to be ______ + phobic (fill in the blank). After all, once you are a conservative, you are automatically labelled all of them.
4) You'll finally be able to shoot a gun at practice targets, which can be a lot of fun.
5) You can stop watching and pretending to enjoy to foreign films, which all suck donkey... uhh... never mind.
6) For men, you can stop this metrosexual touchy-feely 'in tune with feminine side' acting nonsense and finally act like a real man.
7) You don't have to walk around all day being offended by everything.
8) You own and drive car for fun instead of driving an underpowered weenie eco-car.
9) If you are non-white, you'll be able to prove that you can succeed in life without government hand-outs and lowered expectations in the form of affirmative action.
10) You can finally stop listening to that butt-ugly Cindy Sheehan crazy woman while eating Tofu turkey at dinner, and put away the puke bucket for good.
Comments
Slam Dunk!
Posted by: butch | March 16, 2006 11:12 AM
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're my kinda lady, Sam. ;)
Posted by: Mark B. | March 16, 2006 11:15 AM
Actually, I think that was MrBig, but I'm down with #4 either way!!!
Posted by: jimmyb | March 16, 2006 11:16 AM
I think Mr. Big is just Sam's parallel universe alter ego.
You know? The Sam with a goatee?
Posted by: Mark B. | March 16, 2006 11:31 AM
MrBig, I guess you're my kinda lady. *sigh*
Nah, I'm not that plebeian. ;)
Posted by: Mark B. | March 16, 2006 11:33 AM
As long as we get to shoot, it's cool! ;)
Posted by: jimmyb | March 16, 2006 11:51 AM
LOL Good stuff!
Posted by: Diane![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.samanthaburns.com/nav-commenters.gif)
|
March 16, 2006 12:37 PM
0) Your sense of humour will atrophy so you actually find the rest of this list funny, instead of just feeling a mild sense of displaced embarassement.
Posted by: Martin Wisse | March 16, 2006 12:42 PM
Nice work, Martin. I was having trouble sleeping until...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Posted by: Mark B. | March 16, 2006 02:41 PM
I'm conservative all the way but I still LOVE foreign films.
I do, however, completely agree with #9.
Posted by: Wendy | March 16, 2006 03:29 PM
This is great - love it! Really like #9.
Posted by: republic | March 16, 2006 03:55 PM
If this is my guide then I think I already have!
Posted by: mice | March 16, 2006 04:27 PM
One could switch from being a whiney liberal to being a rough-and-tumble, meat-eating, solidarity having, socialist militant, too! I mean, you don't get much more manly than Stalin (not that I"m a Stalinist, of course).
Posted by: ReasonInRevolt | March 17, 2006 05:45 AM
Sam that was GREAT!
right up my alley!
Posted by: moonbat monitor | March 19, 2006 08:50 PM