The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Have you ever had one of those days when you just can't pull yourself away from the tv?

Well, this guy was attempting to pull alright - I'm sure he was yanking away - but it wasn't away from the tv that he was yanking - it was to porno.

It probably started with just a little porn, you know, a little something to spice up the boudoir. And then, it became a little more and a little more, until one day the guy said, "screw it, I'll just spend the rest of my days watching smut".

But, all the while, a storm was brewing in his wife, just fermenting away, until she'd just had enough and had to do something about it.

"That's it," I'm sure she said. "I'm calling the police."

And, she did.

You see, a German woman had phoned the police in utter frustration.

She told the dispatcher that there was an emergency in her home, and when police arrived, what they found was a pacing, disgruntled woman and a man sitting in front of the idiot box watching a blue movie.

The woman even stated that she'd tried luring him away from the tube with 'the real thing', but he wouldn't budge.

I guess the German woman's lederhosen just wasn't cutting it.

Of course, the police walked away from the scene with only the advice of seeking counselling, but I wonder what the charges would have been, if there were a charge for such a thing.

I don't know, perhaps they could have arrested him on possible charges of using a lubrication reserved for automotive use only.

In other concupiscent news, which I've titled Porn To Run.

A woman watched some porn with her children, aged 8 and up.

Okay, she didn't actually intend to watch the porno with them; it just sort of happened when the $34 Apex DVD player they bought from Walmart started playing some "waa waa wika wika" instead of the Bambi 2 movie they were hoping to watch.

I guesss that's just what you get when you buy a cheap dvd player - cheap tawdry sex.