The Crazy Rants of Samantha BurnsMoron Revealed #33
Somebody better catch that Dragonlady's World, eh. She's rockin' the moron throne.
Yes, Dragonlady's World guessed it correct that Britney Spears, another BS moron (Barbra Streisand being the other), has done a number of things that make her a moron.
It all started, of course, with her singing career.
We should have known how moronic she would turn out to be just by listening to her music. First off, her music has no depth; it's sucktacular. Second, many of her songs tend to sound the same. So similar that a comedy duo called Supergirly (whom I had the pleasure of seeing their routine live) mocked the Spears songs by playing Hit Me Baby One More Time synchronically with Oops, I did it again.
Other than the pathetic lyrics, there is no difference to some of her songs.
All of this was highly suspected.
And, we all know her from her relationship with n'sync, or backstreet boy, or boys 2 men, or new kids on the block, or whatever he was in, singer Justin Timberlake.
The whole time throughout their relationship and before, the moron Britney claimed to be a virgin when everything else suggested otherwise: her closeness with Justin, her trashy whore clothes, and her virtually pornographic videos and concerts.
Of course, after Timberlake spilled the beans, Britney was forced to confess that she truly was the tramp she denied being.
And, it really sealed the deal when she went from virgin wannabe to instant whore in the video, and subsequent concert for "I'm a Slave 4 U".
The concert really ticked a lot of parents and childcare givers off when they took their children (Britney's only fan base, other than drooling, perverted old men) to see the girl in concert and were shocked to see simulated gay sex , orgies, and masterbation on stage. All to the tune of Britney's infamous lip synching.
And, speaking of fake lip action, her trailer trash-like smooch with the aging moron Madonna at the 2003 MTV awards caused a worldwide dry heave.
And I thought 2 blondes tongue wrestling was supposed to be arousing; all I heard from that experience was a lot of disgust, proving that these 2 morons are has beens pushing towards retirement from the public eye.
This is further proven as the couple tied for the 2002 Razzies for Worst Actress.
Britney won it and another for Worst Original Song in her shotty movie Crossroads. I guess not enough biblets and perverts support it at the box office.
No one else would go see it.
But, I think as horrible as it is to say, we were all a little hopeful the day the false report came out that Britney Spears had died in a car accident with a pretzel truck.
Heh, heh, pretzel truck. What a twisted tale.
I wouldn't doubt if the moron, herself, believed she had passed on that day.
Alas, Britney is still alive and has moved on to prove just how low rent she really is.
For example, one telltale sign of Britney's true trashiness is displayed in her support for Michael Jackson during his second child molestation trial. Britney stated,
"He needs someone to be like, 'OK, let's buck you up, let's give you a moustache, let's rough you up, let's go to a bar, let's get drunk and be a man.'Yes, fighting solves everything, including one's lust for little children.And if he didn't do those things, I feel sorry for him. Either way, he needs to get in a fight."
Heck, why not add get a mullet and wear a wife beater shirt onto that list, Brit?
But, nowadays we have the Britney who can't seem to keep her child from hitting the pavement.
First, it was the baby on the lap in the front seat of a car, then it was baby plummeting to the ground from its high chair and cracking its skull, then it was the baby in the backwards car seat with the convertible top down in the boiling hot sun, and now it's the "choosing the drink over the baby's life".
Britney, choose the baby for gosh sakes. Drop the d*mn drink.
And, while we're at it, let's take a vote. Was it the babysitter, K-Fed mac daddy, or stumble-fumble mommy Britney who was watching the baby when it fell out of its high chair?
They claim it was the babysitter and consequently fired her, but my vote's on stumble-fumble.
Perhaps they should have used that babysitter, instead of the one Britney hired, to babysit her husband. Yes, Britney lacks such confidence in her marriage that she hired a babysitter to keep tabs on K-Fed.
And why are you with someone so infantile that they need a darn babysitter, Britney?
Oh ya, it's because you're immature yourself.
Good thing her looks made her some money (contrary to belief, it was not her singing voice) because she sure doesn't have the smarts to get her there.
And, what's worse is the doped up pimp daddy wannabe K-Fed and Britney are having another child.
How can we stop these two from breeding more stupidity into this world? (I don't know if the babies will be as dumb, but my hunch is that the DNA will speak for itself)
But, aside from her perfect marriage and family life, Britney has made some personal decisions that keep her in tune with her inner moron.
Recently, she has become disenfranchised since she got stuck in the Madonna, Lindsay Lohan Kabbalah fad, considering that now the John Travolta-Tom Cruise Scientology fad is the much more "in" thing to do. That's probably why she ended up cutting the red string of Kabbalah love from her wrist.
And, when it comes to celebrity scents, Spears stinks a lot.
First, she was Curious what marriage would be like, so she had a quick 55 hour marriage with her friend, Jason Allen Alexander. Then, she came out with her own little Fantasy about what a real marriage would be like. And now, she attempts to get In Control of her marriage by keeping an informant for her hubby.
At least, that's my take on the whole perfume naming thing.
I say the next two scents she tries to hock are called The Bitter Divorce and No One Will Touch My Rotten K-Fed Crotch.
Anyhow, enough with this moron. Congrats continues to go to Dragonlady's World for being 3 weeks undefeated.
More on the moron:
Mystery of Britney's breasts
Baby Spears already a rapper
Britney Spears pregnancy watch
Brit's tits
Spears on Letterman
Save Sean Preston
Britney's seduction: kiss her feet, but who would want to when she stands around toilets in her bare tootsies?
Britney's breakdown
Britney now; Britney 2025
Get a peek at Britney' s pears
More of Britney's pears
She's all class
Classy laaa-day
Britney's a doll
Britney's drunkin' swagger
Britney beers
That horrid Spears sculpture
Is this Britney practising for a future baby dangling experience?
Britney sues over ugly baby photos
Comments
Heh, Britney's why I never finished going blonde and stopped at red. My daughter asked me, "Mommy are you going to make your hair blond like Britney Spears?" Instant no. I stopped at red.
My first thought on this one was Natalie Maines, but I decided the chick in the picture was too slim. LOL
Posted by: DragonLady | May 26, 2006 03:05 AM
Dragonlady's done it again. Are Dragonlady and Samantha one and the same person? Now I am suspicious.
Posted by: TerritorialMale | May 26, 2006 03:08 AM
I've always been frankly astonished at the vast numbers of people who find Spears so noteworthy and attractive. I can go down to the Lowe's Garden Center down the street on any given day and see at least a dozen other women that have it going on much better than Britney.
Just in case my wife is reading this: Not that I'm looking of course! Uh, just sayin'.
Posted by: Dave D | May 26, 2006 05:10 AM
Upon Britney shaving her noggin I decided to do a search for "Britney crazy as a shithouse rat," and found your site.
How can you be so heartless?! There are those of us who love britney. I mean really LOVE her!!
Okay I'm joking with you pretty much. Kinda pulling your leg there.
Seriously I do wonder if she might be permafried on X or have a brain tumor or something. I hope she's all right, although you may think ill of me for it.
Posted by: Mr. Bigglesworth | February 21, 2007 10:20 PM
Seems like the child's on a rampage. I expect to hear that they're trying to shoot her down from The Empire State Building. Seriously.
The war halted in Iraq, the presidential hopefuls stop their pre-season bickering and even Bush forgets about trying to send more troops, because virtually every mouth in the world is agape at the planes circling over her head.
One comes in for a strafing run, machine guns blazing as she roars and swings out and cups it, shattering the tail to watch it spiral down below her and into the building before bursting in a plume of orange billowing flames, the burning smoking fragments tumbling to earth even as she turns her attention to her next fighter ace attacker.
I expect it. I really do. Then it ends all sad when she is finally overwhelmed, gives one last roar in the direction of the setting sun and teeters away from the building for the long silent tear-inducing fall to earth. If only they had left her on Skull Island. "In the end, it was the paparazzi that killed the beast." Poor baby girl!
Posted by: Mr. Bigglesworth | February 21, 2007 10:32 PM