The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Well, I can't start my return off without a weird toilet story, so here goes.

What I want to know is if there's a toilet seat glue bandit going around or something because this is at least the third time I've heard a story like this.

A man got his butt glued to a toilet seat in a Walmart bathroom.

"The man had gone into the bathroom and sat down," she said. "He was banging on the wall when the employee came in."

And, I've read about the same sort of thing at a Denny's restaurant in the same town as the Walmart incident.

Hey, at least the guy in the Denny's was in the right place at the right time. I mean, you know how that food goes right through ya, lol.

Perhaps there's a new product out there called Bum Bond, Gluteus Glue, or perhaps Posterior Paste that's intriguing punks to pull a stupid stunt like that.

Anyhow, if they caught the criminal "mastermind" behind the behind bondage, what would they charge him with? Serial Butt Assault with the intent to adhere?

What frickin' thrill is it, anyhow, for this nutjob (assuming it's the same person) to go around putting glue on toilet seats?

Hyuck, hyuck, someone's going to get stuck.

Whatever.