The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Inspired, in part, by The Simpsons "Baggy pants tax".

1. Vacinity Tax: applied to home owners. You live close to a toll booth, which means you have easy access, and an unfair advantage, to toll booth payments and usage.

2. Non-Mafia Correlation Tax (in Canada, it's the non-hell's angel's correlation tax): applies to anyone who has no ties to organised crime. Reason being: I don't know about you, but I'm sure there's some sort of payoff between criminal and government.

3. Shirt-Wearing Tax: this one applies to all citizens since all citizens wear shirts (at least, we hope so). Reason: shirts are a privileged good and all privileged good owners should be taxed (hey, I didn't say these would be sensible taxes. They're about as sensible as the government itself).

4. Ugly Tax: much like a driver's license, citizens are required to get a head shot done once every 5 years, which will be sent to officials who assess and determine the individual's uglitude. Reason: nobody wants to look at that, so the tax money will be spent on sunglasses for the non-uglies.

5. Blogger Tax (which I wouldn't doubt if it happened one day): much like Ugly Tax, bloggers will be taxed merely because they are contributing to society's nonsense.