The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

This post submitted by Lilo, approved by Sam only because she was in a hurry to wash her eyes out with soap.

I have a four year old. Because he was blessed by being the youngest of three, he's seemed to have picked up a very curious mind, and has learned to have a response to everything. That leaves me engaging in the strangest conversations with him, and he seems to prefer to have them while in public.

That being said, I'll remind you that it is also late June. Just about the time that the heat really starts picking up in Ohio. And, the time when people start wearing a lot less clothing than they should.

I was out with my little guy picking up a few things from the store, when a man walked past us. It was a gruesome sight- he was a large man, with more hair on his back than most bears. In fact, he sort of resembled this and these. And, he'd not had the kindness to stop before he walked outside and slip into a shirt.
My son, upon noticing the man paused for a moment.

He must have been recalling another strange exchange of words between us from early, because he loudly pronounced "Mommy, you lied to me". Quickly, I signed with a little relief that he had forgone having the conversation about the hairy man, and asked what I had lied about.

"Well, you said only boys have hairy bodies"
"Yes, yes I did. And that's pretty true" I quipped.
"Well, then how do you explain that fat girl's hair?"
"Honey, that's not a girl, that's a guy" Was my response, as I noticed a few people were beginning to take notice of this developing conversation.
"Well, then somebody forgot to tell God that he was boy"
Still having no clue as to where this was going I asked what he meant by that.
"Well, cause look God messed up and gave him mommy boobies".

People near by started to chuckle.

Now, normally I would have attempted to talk with my little man, and explain things to him nicely about how people sometimes look different and all that other crap. But, the large hairy man whose shorts were more than too tight, and who had thoughtlessly went out in public without the decency to wear a shirt, evidently had over heard the conversation- and turned to shoot me the worst evil eyed look in the history of mankind. So, being hot from the humid weather, being tired from a day of running around, and being mouthy naturally- I gave my son the only response I could think of.

"Honey, God didn't mess up- it was the man who gave himself mommy boobies and then he left his house without a shirt just so the rest of us could see them."

This post submitted by Lilo