The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns: Moron Revealed #36

Moron of the Week - 36 - Courtney Love
Woo hoo, congrats to Freedom Monkey House for being the first to take down the seemingly impenetrable DragonLady's World.

Yes, Freedom Monkey House is the new champ for guessing correctly that this week's moron is obviously
Courtney "Track Marks" Love.

Trust me, it was not hard to find a terrible photo of this one. In fact, there were so many, it was really difficult to whittle them down.

Sure, we all know she's a moron, but until now, many of us didn't realise just how moronic she was.

It all started back in childhood for this nutjob. Courtney Love had screwy, hippy parents who dropped acid and lived in communes.

But, her parents split up early on, and it was soon learned that her dad would get Courtney wasted on acid at the age of 4 and then he'd draw "psychedelic squiggles all over her naked body".

I wonder... was it at this point of her life that he taught her to sing badly, too?

As a result, her mom took her away from her father and put her into therapy by the age of 6.

Guess what, lady, the therapy didn't stick with her because at 9 years old, Courtney was reading porn in adult bookstores and began drinking by age 12.

I think that acid she did earlier f*cked more than a few brain cells up for her to be so messed up at such a young age.

And, obviously her wild, icky side didn't stop there because in her teens, she began stripping around the world.

Yes, as a teenager, Courtney was in Japan, Taiwan, Guam, and Alaska flashing her grodies to anyone who would watch. But, with her looks, I'm guessing she couldn't make much of a career from it, so she decided to head into the music industry.

For some reason she thinks she can sing.

And, I'm sure we all know about her exploits with Kurt Cobain, with whom she was considered to be the Yoko Ono of Nirvana, and with whom she was accused by some as being Kurt's murderer.

Well, some people strongly believe Courtney conspired to kill him.

I'll let you decide on that one after you hear of her other f-ed up life decisions.

Like, for instance, the time she beat the snot out of an ex-boyfriend's girlfriend:

Courtney Love is being sued over a bottle-swinging, breast-pinching and hair-pulling attack on a sleeping woman at the home of the singer's ex-boyfriend.

The attorney said Love poured whiskey on King and the alcohol bottle struck the woman's left cheekbone and temple. The singer allegedly then threw a lit candle at King, jumped on top of her and dug her fingernails into King's left forearm and bicep.

Love also allegedly yanked King by the hair, backhanded her, chipping one of King's teeth, and pinched her breast, leaving a bruise, Allred said.

Now if that doesn't warrant the moron title, I don't know what does.

But, it doesn't stop there.

She's also been accused of asking to stay at a journalist's house after he interviewed her for Rolling Stone magazine, getting junked up, and trashing the guy's place:

A few days after the interview, Love sent him a text message: "Can I stay at yr house? They repo the car and worse. U don't wanna know. Need to not be alone."

She wound up moving in... swearing at a dog, threatening to punch a male roommate in the face, borrowing Strauss' used toothbrush, and sitting in on pickup seminars topless while offering advice to the students. One night she woke him up at 2:20 a.m. with a Prada shoe in her hand, exclaiming, "Let's redecorate the house. This will be our hammer."

Ya, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't put a conspiracy wack-job past her.

And, when it comes to motherhood, Courtney's an uber-moron.

First, she was alleged to have been on heroin during her pregnancy, leading Child Welfare to take her daughter away for a couple years after the birth.

Then, when she got her daughter back, she chose to maintain her totally insane lifestyle and has probably traumatised her daughter for life as a result.

In an interview, Courtney's daughter, Frances Bean (what a name - such Hollywood bullsh*t) was observed:

Although the parallels to her mom are obvious, Frances makes the distinction between her own Lolita look and her mother's infamously short baby doll dresses and smeared lipstick look of the '90s.

"I prefer when she's more 'classy starlet,'" she tells Teen Vogue of her mom, referring to Love's red-carpet Oscar makeover in 1997. "I don't really like her hardmetal stuff, or when she doesn't brush her hair."

Yup, I think the next generation of morons is about to emerge, starting with Frances Bean. I mean, she's got to be messed up having to deal with a screwball mom like that.

Now, I must tell you here, that despite how obviously moronic Courtney is, she claims that she's gotten herself off drugs after being ordered into lock-down rehab.

But, I'm sure we can all agree that one year in rehab doesn't completely cure a lifelong junky.

And, that is particularly questioned after reading this...

...Courtney Love passed out at the Roosevelt on Wednesday night.

Love said that, on Wednesday night, she stopped by a party at the Roosevelt Hotel. "It was very hot," she recalled. "I had two Diet Cokes. I started feeling really woozy. I decided to go to the private cabana that they'd given me to use. I must have fainted.

The "People vs. Larry Flynt" star was adamant that she wasn't under the influence of any drugs. "I didn't work for a year on sobriety to blow it," said Love."

Dillhole.

Well, I'm done scaring, and scarring, you all with Courtney's perverse history.

Eeeeew!

Congrats again to ... for the win.

Oh ya, one more, she may be up for the role of Linda Lovelace in a new deep throat film.

Okay, now you can go barf.

Congratulations again to Freedom Monkey House for the win.

More on the moron:
Love's vagina considers retirement
Courtney's eye poppin' experience
Courtney makes drugs fun for daughter
Courtney as a princess? Ya right
Courtney's Pamela Anderson roast
Cheesy Courtney's diet plan
Hey, it's ripple nipple
Courtney art
Like I said, eeeewww