The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

And, speaking of the 'out there' celeb, he proves he's a total space cadet as he begs US president Bush to put him on the next flight to the moon.

"Movie hero John Travolta has made a personal bid to get to the moon - by offering his services to President George W Bush.

The daredevil actor has already been personally invited to join space agency NASA on one of their space missions, but is having trouble fitting the trip into his hectic film schedule."

See, even the president wants to get rid of this moron.

Ship him to the moon.

I'm sure many people at the Tribeca Grand Hotel feel the same way, particularly after Travolta insisted upon complete silence when he entered the hotel.

Guests at the Tribeca Grand Hotel were flummoxed by the hush that settled upon them whenever fellow traveler John Travolta showed up.

"They had to turn the music off whenever he appeared," swears our visiting spywitness. "Everyone else had been enjoying it."

That's it, I'm going to Travolta's house at 3 am, and I'm going to blast some loud music over some subwoofers. If he can be a d*ckhead, so can I.

But, I guess I can't get too mad at him, I mean, he did mistake Oprah and Barbra Streisand for autograph seekers.

"Hollywood star John Travolta confused Oprah Winfrey and Barbra Streisand with autograph hunters, when he spotted them at his surprise 50th birthday party in Mexico.

The actor was furious with wife Kelly Preston when they arrived at Cabos San Lucas for the free trip she had organised, and he saw what he thought were eager fans hopeful for his autograph."

Heh.

A burn on Oprah and Streisand at the same time deserves a little praise for this scientology f*cknut.

Now for the news that just might make your stomach churn. Here's a little disclosure on Travolta's sex life.

*shudder*

"The fitness-mad movie hunk often works out after midnight when his chosen gyms are quiet, because he likes to work on his stamina and his fitness with his trainer Steve when no one else is around to bother him.

'I'm convinced an hour of cardiovascular is all you need, as long as you get them calories up. Then you go home and you're all set for y'know.'"

Now, that's just way too much information about the moron.

But, there's more...

"Travolta reveals, "You can always learn more about sex and romance and love - it keeps it fresh. You've committed to a person to have sex with and you're free to have as much fun as you like with that person.

"I read books and magazines. Sex is something that's free. It's a personal and physical pleasure, and you exchange that pleasure. If you can't splurge there where can you?"

EW! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Too much info.

Make it stop. PLEASE, make it stop.

But, you know, I gotta question is sexuality a bit, just a bit, after hearing all the crossdressing talk about the moron.

I believe it probably started with a TEA PARTY he held in his movie trailer where all the men dressed in drag.

Actor JOHN TRAVOLTA took time out of filming on his upcoming movie LADDER 49 to host an English tea party for men in drag.

Somehow, this didn't surprise me.

Then, he gets dragged into a gay lawsuit.

Apparently, Travolta keeps men gay? At least, that's sort of what one man claimed after he turned to scientology to get over his homosexuality.

"John Travolta has been dragged into a court battle between a gay artist and the powerful Church of Scientology. Michael Pattison says he turned to the sect to "cure" his homosexuality after it used 44-year-old Face/Off star Travolta to illustrate how the church could turn gay people straight. Now Pattison is suing the church and 22 of its members for fraud, claiming he spent 25 years and half a million dollars trying to deal with his own homosexuality-but is still gay."

I wonder, is this why Travolta entered scientology?

Just asking, is all.

And, of late, Travolta has accepted a crossdressing role as a woman in an upcoming 'Hairspray' movie.

So, what does this translate to?

Just wondering. Just wondering.

But, I guess we can thank, or hate, Travolta's wife for his acting career.

"Hollywood icon John Travolta has praised his wife Kelly Preston for rescuing his crumbling career in the early '90s - because she insisted he had a future as a movie star."

B*tch!

Thanks for nothin'.

And, when it comes to his appearance on screen, Travolta admits it takes camera tricks to make him look good.

"John Travolta made sure he looked his best in Get Shorty sequel Be Cool, by giving cinematographer Jeffrey Kimball instructions to highlight his blue eyes."

Guess what, moron, even that ain't workin'.

But, perhaps we'll finally be in luck once people realise that they may be able to see Travolta play dead in a movie.

It seems he's been cast as J.R. Ewing in an upcoming movie remake of the tv show, Dallas. Perhaps now, people will take it from who shot JR to who shot Travolta.

Ya, who shot J.T. I like the sound of that, lol.

Anyhow, congrats goes out to Kerrigan again for taking the win.

More on the moron:
Read his biorhythms, don't ask me how.
Travolta IS grease
Scientology is gay... very gay