The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

I thank Jim for sending me these funny tidbits from time to time. What a crazy world we live in - it's full of butty goodness.

In April, according to a report in the Lincoln (Neb.) Journal-Star, a 38-year-old man appeared at the ER at BryanLGH Medical Center West in Lincoln with a 20-ounce soft drink bottle lodged in his rectum. [Lincoln Journal Star, 4-12-06]

Well, I guess that's one way to to get the lid off.

Also in April, according to a report in The Capital (Annapolis, Md.), a former restaurant manager was acquitted of assaulting one of his then-employees, heightening the mystery behind the alleged assault (in which the employee had been found in June 2005 in an alley behind the restaurant with a garden hose's nozzle end stuck in his rectum). [The Capital (Annapolis), 4-13-06]

That must have been the home kit enema.

April - authorities at El Salvador's La Esperanza prison near San Salvador arrested visitor Lidia Alvarado for allegedly trying to smuggle an M-67 grenade to inmates by stuffing it inside her vagina. [KTRK-TV (Houston)-AP, 4-19-06]

Now that's what I call an explosive coochie.

In May, a judge in Edmonton, Alberta, ordered Shee Theng, 30, to serve a nine-month community-control sentence for partially scalping his then-girlfriend by attempting to "style" her hair with a power drill, a technique he said he learned about on a TV infomercial. Theng admitted that he knew it was a bad idea because he had previously screwed up his own hair trying it out. [Edmonton Sun, 5-11-06]

She should just be thanking her lucky stars he didn't trip while styling her hair with that drill. She'd have a little more than scalping done; she could have had a full frontal lobotomy.

Idiots.