The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

This post submitted by Lostinlimaohio, while wondering if Sam will actually post it.

So, a guy gets a text message on his phone from some woman other than his wife. The wife finds the text message, and accuses him of being a cheater. He decided to come up with a plan to prove that he is faithful to his beloved wife. He clearly doesn't think this plan to prove he's completely faithful through, because the plan includes cutting off his "faithful friend". OUCH.

A man who apparently severed his penis in an attempt to convince his wife that he was faithful to her was recovering after surgery to reattach the organ at a northern Malaysian hospital, a news report said Tuesday.

I don't want to be completely judgemental of this guy, despite the fact that he really isn't the man he used to be. But... OUCH. I mean, if that is the BEST idea he could come up with... don't you wonder what ideas he rejected?

I thought that it'd be a good idea to find a more fitting way for someone to prove their faithfulness, just in case any readers share this mans dilemma. Being a good researcher, I thought I'd start at Yahoo Answers. Because, well it was first in the search results. So, I set out to find ways to prove you are not a cheater... and I didn't find any. What I found instead was a whole page of questions and answers to problems that seem to be just as real as the "proving you're not a filthy cheating pig" dilemma. I've stopped chuckling long enough to share some of them with you.

WARNING: Sexually graphic language; viewer discretion is advised.

Question #1: How do I get my husband to give me a***?
I know... I can't believe someone would ask this either. But, it's the answers to the question that really crack me up.

Question 2#: PLEAZE help. IVE had sexual intercourse...?
Another delightful inquiry. However, MOST girls are not that way... despite what the commenters are saying.

Question #3: guys...do you shave your p*n*s?
If you can read the whole thing without cracking a smile... you have no sense of humor and are forever banned from reading "humor blogs".

From all my research, I've gathered one conclusion. If you have to cut off body parts to prove you're faithful, or ask strangers weird sex questions, you should be banned from having sex altogether. These are not the sort of idiots we need running around mating and reproducing a even dumber generation of people.

This post submitted by Lostinlimaohio.