The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Todd A shares with us the trailer for the upcoming Wolverine movie - the prequel to the X-Men movies.

I don't know, for some reason I'm not all that eager to see it.

But, seeing as The Simpsons have contemplated a movie, as well, I think this one may be more appropriate: Wolverine vs Bart.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So, what's with all these old, virtually retired celebrities coming back with reality shows?

I mean, first we have The Osbournes, and perhaps I'm missing a few, but now there's Hogan Knows Best, Breaking Bonaduce, and My Fair Brady.

Of course, note they are all either from mtv or vh1.

And, I think the worst part about it is they play these shows when there is absolutely nothing else on tv. Though, I'm sure this is the only possible way they can get viewership because it all sucks royally, and I couldn't see any of it being successful in a prime time spot.

But, then again, I don't get any part of the reality show craze.

It's all suck-tacular to me.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink

It seems some nutjob of a stripper has skipped her court appearance for illegal possession of human remains.

The stripper kept a severed hand and some skulls in her house, and apparently she even named the hand "Freddy".

Leipow, Kay's former roommate, said the hand was a gift from a medical student who liked her dancing. Kay's mother told The Star-Ledger of Newark she believed the skulls were bought from a mail order catalog.

To avoid court, the roommate also threatened to end his life by way of hammercide:

Kay was charged last week after someone called police and reported that McDonough was suicidal and threatening to kill himself with a hammer.

Bonk!

I mean, isn't it impossible to continue beating yourself repetitively enough to get the job done?

Nonetheless, I guess I should be thanking these two wackos for reminding me why I should never get myself a roommate.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

What the hell is wrong with you? has done it again.

Not Dragonlady's World, which I accidentally put up, lol.

So, What the hell is wrong with you? is the one to beat this week as he's been the winner for two weeks in a row.

Congratulations, What the hell is wrong with you?, can you do it again, or will someone else be the next winner?

Good luck to everyone.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your right is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (20)

I just want to encourage you all to click the Blogads on the left of this webpage.

Go ahead and read some great stuff over at Blogs of War and 123beta.

By reading their blogs, you are not only getting a different perspective on life and some great news coverage, but you are also supporting me because with the more click-throughs they get, the more likely they will be to come back and take out more ads with me.

The more ads with me, the more opportunity for this blog to remain alive, what with all the financial costs of running it.

It's a great little reciprocal process, this capitalism thing, isn't it?

And, on a side note, let's welcome back Committees of Correspondence, who just returned from a two week vacation in Italy (lucky bum). He'll be back to writing speed just as soon as he gets over the jetlag (have fun with that).

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Please use this space to trackback your best, raise questions or concerns, and to read what others are saying.

I would also greatly appreciate your support for this blog by clicking on some blogads.

And, when you're done here, why not head to macbro's place for a Friday Night Flip Off. He's looking for more submission, so why not de-stress a little and flip off the week.

Here's the info for open trackbacks:

Trackback articles that showcase your work and discuss whatever you want to attract new readers (linking this article in return of course).

Look to the right of this site to find out which OTA members are doing open trackbacks.

Do NOT link other posts doing open trackbacks. Use Linkfest Haven instead.

To learn about OTA and trackbacking, click on the OTA link:

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
The Knuckleheads of the Day award Part One [by The Florida Masochist]
The Knucklehead of the Day award Part Two [by The Florida Masochist]
Fighting and Marital Bliss [by Blue Star Chronicles]
Why the Muslim shot the Jews in Seattle [by planck's constant]
The Knucklehead of the Day award [by The Florida Masochist]
FNFO 11th !! [by MacBros' Place]
Ike Turner On Cindy Sheehan's "Hunger Strike" [by Political Satire Fake News - The Nose On Your Face]
A Case Study in Headline Editorializing [by Tor's Rants]
Minimum Wage Hike Passes House, But At Least I'm Not Bitter About It [by Conservative Cat]
Blame Bush [by c.a. Marks]
Madman Chronicles ( part one: GWB and Me ) [by Madman Returns]
Wasted years [by ★imaginekitty★]
The Knucklehead of the Day award [by The Florida Masochist]
OK so I’m a blogger now [by Party Blog]
A Good Rant Blog [by SAY IT LIKE IT IS]
The Ha-q Shock [by Woman Honor Thyself]
Difference between Muslims and non-Muslims [by planck's constant]

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Posted by Samantha at 08:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

What would life be like if I didn't post on every toilet topic I came across?

It would probably be a better one for you, eh.

Well, if you have a business and are looking for a unique new way to market your product, idea, or otherwise to customers on the run (or was that, who've got the runs), then perhaps you'd be interested Corporate Sponsored Porta Potties.

I don't know what you think, but I think this is an excellent idea, and I'm surprised it's taken as long as it has. I mean, what better way to advertise and 'sink the message in' than when 50 or so people are standing around at a packed outdoor concert, or something, and have nothing to look at, but the can.

Hmmm... come to think of it, that would be a great place for a Samantha Burns ad, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

So, tell me, is this true?

Is this really The Geek Hierarchy?

You know, 'cause I'm not a geek, so I wouldn't know if this is true or not.

But, I thought you might know.

Lol.

And, here's a long list of Absolutely Hilarious Computer Quotes.

This one is still my favourite

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Yes, that's cow dung. And, it doesn't look like it in the picture, but that is one giant-sized pile.

No, I didn't take dimensions.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This post submitted by LostinLimaOhio, and approved by Sam.

As all you faithful readers know, there's some crazy blog awards going on right now. Sam's up for an award, as am I. Neither of us are winning. And personally, I think it's a tad unfair. After all, we deserve to win. So, I'm starting my own Blog Awards. It's what I like to call the Angry Woman Awards.

The Angry Woman Awards is for rewarding the angry woman. Not the slightly moody woman, not the pleasant woman... but the angry woman.
You know... the woman with the blog that you read, which always makes you angry too. It's for the woman blogger who likes to rant, who likes to tell you just what is wrong with the world. The woman who criticizes Cindy Sheehan everyday, or who likes to tell terrorist where they can stick it. The woman who wages her own battle with those who annoy her most.

So, hopefully Sam approves this post, and let's me spread the anger that is The Angry Woman Awards. Because, you know if she doesn't... I'll just blog my anger about it on my own site.

This post submitted by LostinLimaOhio.

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Posted by lostinlimaohio at 08:58 AM | Permalink

You all know how much I'm against cosmetic surgery right?

Well, in this case... scratch that.

Beaten with an ugly stick doesn't even begin to describe it.

The woman doesn't even need makeup for Hallowe-en, for gosh sakes.

In fact, a witch mask would be an improvement.

Yes, I am talking about Helen Thomas, which means that What the hell is wrong with you? is our winner once again.

Congrats What the hell is wrong with you?

For those unaware, Helen Thomas is the hideous face of presidential reporting. Thomas has been asking presidents stupid questions for well over 50 years, beginning with John F. Kennedy and ending (hopefully) with George W. Bush Jr.

Of course, Thomas has been chosen for the moron title primarily due to all her witless questions and responses that she's forced on the Bush administration.

I think many of us applauded Bush's decision to ignore Thomas's inane reportive queries - at least, I got a chuckle out of it when Thomas 'screeched' and 'hollered' about being overlooked during Bush's question-answer periods.

Not to mention, having her moved from the front row during press conferences to the back row:

Thomas has been moved to the back row during press conferences, although she still sits in the front row during press briefings. She is called upon at briefings on a daily basis but no longer ends Presidential news conferences by saying "Thank you, Mr. President." Asked why she is now seated in the back row, she said, "Because they don't like me...I ask too mean questions."

He doesn't want to have to look at that.

I can empathise. After searching through image after image of this witchy woman, boy, can I empathise.

But, after Thomas's incessant whining about not being able to question him, Bush finally gave in a smidge and answered one question from the bat:

I'd like to ask you, Mr. President, your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands of Americans and Iraqis, wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime. Every reason given, publicly at least, has turned out not to be true. My question is: Why did you really want to go to war? From the moment you stepped into the White House, from your Cabinet -- your Cabinet officers, intelligence people, and so forth -- what was your real reason? You have said it wasn't oil -- quest for oil, it hasn't been Israel, or anything else. What was it?

And, for all those out there that for some odd reason are stumped on this question, the second Bush press secretary, Scott McClellan, lays it out for you:

Well, first of all, the Iraqi people, we have heard from many of them who have expressed their appreciation--[Thomas interrupting]—for the removal of a brutal and oppressive regime. [Thomas interrupting.] Second of all, Zawahiri, bin Laden’s number two leader, has talked about how Iraq is the central front in the war on terrorism. [Thomas interrupting] We know that the terrorists want to create a safe haven from which they can plan and plot attacks. The stakes are high in Iraq, and that’s why it’s critical that we prevail in Iraq. Because it’ll be a major blow to the ambitions of the terrorists. They don’t want us in the Middle East. The Middle East is a dangerous region of the world. It has been a breeding ground for terrorism, a breeding ground where people have flown planes into building and attacked innocent civilians across the world. And that’s why it’s so critical that we prevail in Iraq as well, and we will, and the Iraqi people no longer live under a brutal, oppressive regime—a regime that was responsible for the systematic torture and killing of people who simply spoke out against that regime.

But, back to the moron.

Helen Thomas has also spouted off moronic remarks such as

"I have never covered a president who actually wanted to go to war. Bush's policy of pre-emptive war is immoral - such a policy would legitimize Pearl Harbor. It's as if they learned none of the lessons from Vietnam."

You've never cover a president whose country was severely attacked and plotted against in this way.

So whatever, you bologna.

I do, however, find her comment regarding Dick Cheney and his potential run for president quite amusing:

"The day Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I'll kill myself. All we need is another liar...I think he'd like to run, but it would be a sad day for the country if he does."

Hey, I wonder if she is means she'll do a suicide bombing like her heros.

And, speaking of her "Hezbollah view" (thanks to Tony Snow, the latest White House Press Secretary, for that one), Thomas once questioned the first press secretary, Ari Fleischer, about civilian casualties:

At the earlier briefing, Ari, you said that the President deplored the taking of innocent lives. Does that apply to all innocent lives in the world? And I have a follow-up... My follow-up is, why does he want to drop bombs on innocent Iraqis?

Obviously, he doesn't.

Thomas, why don't you take your other moonbat friends and go sympathise with the enemy on their own turf.

I mean, the semi-global, anti-terrorism strategy is nothing like the goals of the terrorists.

Just looking at recent actions is enough to understand the despicable nature of those creeps. And, I'm talking about how Hezbollah is blocking the civilians from fleeing the country, hence using them as pawns in the war.

Now that's f*cked up right there.

But, you go on Thomas. You go on and sympathise with the enemy.

Maybe they'll find a nice, fat, juicy suicide bomb to strap onto your back next.

(Oh wait, they're saving you to be one of their 72 virgins in heaven)

Anyhow, I've taken all I can take. There is so much more moronic behaviours and actions of this moron, but I just can't bare it. Congratulations again to What the hell is wrong with you?

PS - I did consider just making this article a series of pictures of Helen Thomas, but MR.BIG had a good point: if I did that I'd lose all my readers because they'd die from massive heaves.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

I voted for my favourites, now it's your turn. I don't know how long the polls will be open, so go vote now.

PS - My category's at The Kag Report.

THIS POST REMAINS ON TOP; SCROLL DOWN FOR MORE SAM

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
IT’S A PARTY! [by Freedom Watch]

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Posted by Samantha at 08:14 PM | Permalink

Okay, then.

That's the name of this page I found recently: Hats on Pets.

Just when I think the web can't get any weirder.

I bet Bubba Joe's one of them biters.

Remind me to shoot myself if I ever do this to any of my pets. That is, if the pet doesn't kill me, itself.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Well, being Canadian, of course, it was advertised on every channel around here that Avril Lavigne got married recently.

Whoopy.

Anyhow, this is what her new hubby's going to get in about 50 years: Fountain of Age 3.

Lol, and be sure to check out the Janet Jackson one. Heidi Klum's pretty gross, too.

But, I don't get the Keith Richards one. What's different about it?

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Don't you just want to say that to some jerks on the road once in a while.

... and that's while you're beating the tar out of him/her.

Well, it seems a woman in Brisbane got pretty ticked off at the vehicle she was travelling behind:

A female driver has taken a wrong turn on her way home - and ended up following a train along a railway line.

Police in Brisbane said the woman, 52, had picked up her daughter from work and was driving home about midnight on Saturday, when she took the wrong turn at a level crossing.

She allegedly drove along the track, honking her car horn at the train as she followed it for 300m before being stuck on the tracks.

She has been charged with dangerous driving.

How does a train get confused for another car, anyhow? I don't know about there, but here, the tail end of a train looks nothing like a car or truck - not even at night!

I think she should be let go without a charge, however. With that kind of stupidity, I'm guessing she doesn't have that long to live anyways.

Lady - the Darwin Awards have their eyes on you.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I've come to the conclusion: Lostinlimaohio is a pervert. Just kidding, but I do wonder how she happens to come across such smut as I'm about to share with you.

Well, if you're hungry for Hungary, then you may also be hungry for sex in Hungary after watching this NSFW tourist video.

As a way of promoting tourism at a Lake Balaton resort,

"the tourism authority is sending around an email with an internet link... to a short cartoon film which features a young blonde woman having sex with a married man on a fishing boat on the lake."

Quite funny.

According to others, the song played in the background for this video is an 80's remix of a song called Balaton Summer. Apparently, the song and the video are closely related as they both depict adultery and waterside romance.

And, when interviewed, the director of MT Rt's Balaton Region Tourism Project Office, Barbara Dani stated,

"I don't think the clip is overly sexual.

Instead, I think it evokes memories and shows experiences that can be expected when we spend our vacation at Balaton."

I mean, if that doesn't depict animalistic lovin', then let's all go there to experience what IS sexual to them, lol.

And, if that video doesn't peak your interest, you may find this Go Israel one a little more to your tastes. Also funny.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I really enjoyed watching this video. The guy could have shut up, though, and they could have just showed the Smart Car Smash Up over and over again.

I don't care how well it does with the steel roll cage; "it still looks remarkably like" a piece of sh*t.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

This is a cool find that I can't help, but share with you.

The Simpsons Quote Randomizer

Let me find a few of my fav's for you:

Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them...

Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!

Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain-cells! Now lets go back to that...building...thingy... where our beds and TV...is.

If something is too hard,give it up. The moral my boy is too never try anything.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Recently, there has been a slight outrage over some guy's discriminatory sign against a neighbourhood developmentally challenged boy.

The man chose to hang a cardboard sign, stating "Caution Retard's in Area", on a tree, which is directed at the 13 year old boy who's developmentally delayed (I'll overlook the fact that the man wrote the sign with incorrect punctuation - what a 'tard, eh)

Well, in this day and age of being more aware of others and acknowledging them for who they are, I thought a more appropriate use of the sign would be:

Thanks to MR.BIG for the photoshop work.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Caution: Big Laugh in Area [by The Waterglass]
Blinding Flash of the Obvious? [by Yippee-Ki-Yay!]

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I just want to thank everyone who congratulated and/or linked me on my blogging anniversary... except MR.BIG who posted that without my knowledge while I was away from the computer (been visiting with family).

He's fired, by the way.

Oh wait, he controls all the technical aspects of my blog.

Nevermind.

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Posted by Samantha at 07:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Considering the ever-growing dichotomy between the US Democrats (lefties) and the Republicans (righties), I collaborated with MR.BIG (translation: he did most of the work while I slacked off, as usual) to come up with some pranks that may occur in the near future between the two parties.

I mean, the tension is getting to the point where there will be an inevitable apex after which both parties will just snap and get all giddy-like.

Well, that's one way tensions can break, anyhow.

So, here are some "funny pranks lefties could do on righties" and vice-versa "funny pranks righties could do on lefties".

1. Lefties may find it funny to make bumper stickers that read "I *heart* WAR for OIL" and put the stickers on righties' SUVs. --------- And, for righties "I *heart* WAR for OIL" could be put on the lefties' eco-weeny cars.

2. Another prank for lefties on righties: replace their newspaper cover with the headline "Recount Actually Shows Kerry Won Ohio!" with sub-headline "Bush conceeds and hands Kerry keys to White House".

3. In retaliation, righties may choose to send a fake article to lefties with the headline, "SHOCKER: Study Shows Meat Traces in Most Vegetarian Products!"

4. For a righty on a lefty, tell them Michael Moore will be presenting in town, but give them the address and time for the next local NRA meeting. Bonus points goes to those who get them to show up at an NRA "Bring a carcass and discuss how you killed it" Day.

5. For righty on a lefty - send them a fake military draft letter.

6. For a lefty to a righty retaliation - send them a fake invitation to a gay wedding.

7. For a righty on a lefty - convince all of lefty's friends to tell lefty that after a weekend at a 're-education' retreat, they are now solid Bush supporters and they now see the error of their ways (don't forget to put away the 'I *heart* Sheehan' t-shirts and Birkenstocks).

8. And, lefty to righty retaliation - convince righty that you won the lottery, but in good concience can't keep the money when so many poor people are suffering around the world. So, you've decided to donate the millions to worthy causes like the ACLU and planned parenthood... instead of selfishly keeping the money for yourself.

9. For a righty on a lefty - put a little script on their computer that forces their default home page to be always reset to "Right Wing News"

10. For a lefty to righty retaliation - fill their iPod with Dixie Chicks music and anti-war rantings with an occasional "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!" clip from Howard Dean spliced in.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Oh man, why couldn't they have these sound effects back when I was playing Space Invaders?

My high score... for now: 820.

Don't make fun.

It's been an awful long time since I played last.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink

Bored? Or, just looking for a cool game to play?

Well, try the Stare Game.

It's a fast, fun adventure that will have you screaming out for more.

Warning: may cause extreme boredom. Gamer discretion is advised.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Sounds like a typical night out on the town, eh?

In Waupun, Wis., in June, a 36-year-old man filed a police complaint against a female bartender at the Alcatraz Pub because she injured him by aggressively nuzzling him to her bosom during horseplay at the bar. [Fond du Lac Reporter, 6-19-06]

My only conclusion is he must have been gay. I see no other reason for the complaint, unless, of course, she's a rich bartender and he knew it and now he's trying to get a little of her wealth. But, rich bartender? I doubt it.

Speaking to an international medical meeting in Prague in June, Israeli fertility doctor Shevach Friedler said his research team had found that women exposed to brief entertainment by clowns were successful at in-vitro fertilization at almost twice the rate of women who had no clown exposure. Friedler, who is also a trained mime, attributed the difference to greater stress reduction. [MSNBC-Reuters, 6-21-06]

What in the world was this doctor on to even THINK to use clowns in his research? Must have been a The Simpsons fan.

Joseph Weir, 23, who confessed to New York City police in May to forcibly licking the feet of as many as 70 women, said he didn't mean to hurt anyone but just wanted "to make them laugh and smile and open to talk to me." "I get on my knees, grab their feet and bow," he said (according to a New York Post story). "I compliment women, I bow to them." [New York Post, 5-11-06]

Hey, you know what might also make someone laugh: tell a funny joke. But, whatever, licking feet might work too.

The Supreme Court of Canada affirmed in June that a woman divorced seven years ago is still so fragile from her husband's leaving her that she should continue to get spousal support (in spite of Canada's no-fault divorce law). [Globe and Mail-Canadian Press, 6-20-06]

"Oh whoa is me, I have no life, so much so that I have to dwell on something that happened 7 years ago." Man, for her to even try to get more money off an ex after 7 years suggests that she really is stuck in the past and perhaps even detests him that much to this day. Lady, move on! Let me guess - HE divorced YOU. And, I'm also guessing he was brilliant to do so.

This has been more great news submitted by Jim. Thanks Jim.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Thanks to Debbie, I didn't miss the fact that Sam has been posting her humour, ramblings and rants for one year today. This was left in the comments:

This is off topic, but I wanted to wish you a happy blogiversary tomorrow. How many years is it? Always enjoy reading your posts.
Debbie
Right Truth

If you want to give Sam a gift then migth I suggest something free, i.e. voting for her in the Blogs of Summer Humor/Satire at The Kag Report. Or throw her a bone by linking her and sending her a bit of traffic. Heck, a Jag would be nice too if you can swing it and its not too much trouble (she likes them).

Here are some statistics/facts about this blog for those who care:
1) 1600 posts since the start of the blog on year ago
2) Average of 4.3 posts a day, every day for 365 days
3) The entire list of posts here
4) Some 210,000 visitors have come to Sam's blog, which averages to 575 visitors per day since the start of the blog
5) Currently around 700 visitors per day come to Sam's blog
6) Some 326,000 page views of Sam's blog, which averages to 893 page views per day since the start of the blog
7) Many thanks to the following individuals have contributes at least one guest post (in order that I found them): Lostinlimaohio; The Conservative UAW Guy; Blue Blogging Soapbox; Polunatic; Sense of Soot; Theology Girl; The Miceman; Macstansbury.org; Abandoned Stuff by Saskboy; Welcome to Mildew Hall; 123beta; imaginekitty magazine; The Platypus Society; The Land of Ozz; Blogonomicon; Peakah's Provocations; Moonbat Monitor; New Victorian; Aprosexic; That.Man; King Erasmus; Dangerous Dan; Lingo Slinger; Muttering In Manitoba; Jeff and Diane's Stuff for the P.E.R.V. banner.

NOTE: If I forgot anyone on the list please don't take it personal. I added those I found but I may have accidently skipped a few when I did a search through the 1600 posts.

HAPPY BLOGIVERSARY SAM!

This was posted by Mr. Big without any permission whatsoever by Sam.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Picnic 2006-07-25 [by basil's blog]
A Whole Year Of Crazy Rants! [by Diane's Stuff]
Your Inner Celebrity [by 123beta]
Ranting Blogiversary [by Dangerous Dan]

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Posted by MrBig at 01:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (18)

Who do you think it will be for next week?

The Canadian Dollar - aka the Loonie.

Previous Loonie: Daily Kos - Markos Moulitsas Zuniga

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Well, this is kinda cool and very unique to me.

Surreal Landscape.

There is also this weird thing called 6+=1 that you can check out and tinker with.

Odd, odd stuff.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Entering along the lines of dorky-ism, like those off-road Segways, here is the bombardier embrio, a motorcycle and unicycle combined.

Now tell me you wouldn't deserve getting creamed riding one of these things.

Apparently, it uses gyroscopic technology to keep you balanced, and it's environmentally sound, so you know we're going to see some real losers riding this thing.

But, all I think of when I see that thing is, "man, those clowns are getting lazy - not even motivated enough to pedal a unicycle anymore."

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It seems that when you are in Vegas, just about anything goes.

And, by "goes", I really mean "goes".

As it stands, a person is literally able to urinate, defecate, or vomit in public because an ordinance in Las Vegas banning "immodest, improper or indecent behavior" does not include the leakage of bodily wastes.

"You want to urinate anywhere you want in the city, feel free to do it," Mayor Oscar Goodman told the newspaper in disgust. "My understanding is there won't be any criminal prosecution."

So, be warned all you Vegas partiers out there. Get your p*ssing and puking in before it's too late.

In other defecating news, it seems there is an uprising in San Diego after the city installed a pontoon potty that floats in the city's reservoir:

The S.S. Relief -- a hut-type, two-seat outhouse on a floating platform -- was anchored about 70 yards from the shore so boaters could answer nature's call without having to dock.

In addition to the obvious "aesthetic abomination," the reservoir residents cite the fact that the loo is floating in the drinking water of thousands of San Diego residents. What if it tips, they ask.

That, to me, is one sturdy, turdy station.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

What the hell is wrong with you? won it last week for guessing correctly that Ward Churchill is a moron, not to mention being despicable.

So, now, will you let What the hell is wrong with you? get away with being the winner for another week, or will you be next to correctly guess who is the Moron Of The Week.

Good luck to all.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your right is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Alright, folks. Step right up. Get your trackbacks right here, folks.

Plus, while here, clicking on some blogads would really help this site out.

And, when you're done here, why not head to macbro's place for a Friday Night Flip Off. He's looking for more submission, so why not de-stress a little and flip off the week.

Also Diane's Stuff has a new Dead Guy up for her game. This one has something to do with someone playing with balls.

Here's the info for open trackbacks:

Trackback articles that showcase your work and discuss whatever you want to attract new readers (linking this article in return of course).

Look to the right of this site to find out which OTA members are doing open trackbacks.

Do NOT link other posts doing open trackbacks. Use Linkfest Haven instead.

To learn about OTA and trackbacking, click on the OTA link:

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Heavy Metals [by The Florida Masochist]
In Honor of… [by Woman Honor Thyself]
Where Are The Marines? [by Blue Star Chronicles]
Muslim Girl Scarlett Johansson in a Burqa? [by Planck's Constant]
The joy of the pool! [by Lil Duck Duck]
America's Face to the World [by Blue Star Chronicles]
Patrick J Buchanan is an Asshat [by DragonLady's World]
The Knucklehead of the Day award [by The Florida Masochist]
Top 9 Things Joe Liebermann Finds Preferrable To Bill Clinton's Campaign Support [by Political Satire Fake News - The Nose On Your Face]
FNFO 10th !! [by MacBros' Place]
Lou Dobbs - Brilliant Financial Expert and Moron S [by Planck's Constant]
Minimum Wage in Maine [by Tor's Rants]
100,000 and Counting [by Jon Swift]
The best of last week’s posts…. [by Lil Duck Duck]
Hundreds of Israeli Troops MOVING IN [by Assorted Babble by Suzie]
Not Very Funny [by The Florida Masochist]
Kidnapping and Murder as a Cheap Public Relations Gimmick [by Conservative Cat]
The Knucklehead of the Day award [by The Florida Masochist]
Osama Bin Laden's Garbage Can [by Planck's Constant]
Bored? Me Too... [by 123beta]
Demand Justice for the Pendleton 8 [by Blue Star Chronicles]
Beeripedia - the Beer Wiki [by Pirates! Man Your Women!]

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Posted by Samantha at 08:00 PM | Permalink

I don't know if I exactly agree with this, especially since I couldn't answer "ALL" for question number 3.

You should have sex outdoors You are the romantic type and enjoy being spontaneous. You are not that into having other people watch though, so make sure that there is no one else around before getting busy. Take this quiz

I'm not exactly the most romantic person around. Don't even really know what that means.

But, if they mean getting lathered in whipping cream while reading erotic literature, sitting in a bed of flowers in a hot, cherry red convertible, then ya, I guess I'm romantic.

Lol.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Sex Quiz [by ...was i there?]

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Posted by Samantha at 05:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Yes, von, last week's crown holder for Moron of the Week, has found us some excellent yuppy news.

Segway is available as an ATV.

And, look at that picture on his site, what a bunch of roughnecks those look like, eh.

Wouldn't want to tangle with those off-roaders.

But, I question...

HELMETS?

What the frick do they need HELMETS for?

Wow, they really are dorks, aren't they?

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

For those unaware, Bloggin Outloud is hosting the Blogs of Summer Awards.

The first link is the category I'm under, nominated by 123beta and third world county, and the second link is the nominations page where you can select up to 5 blogs in each category.

The categories are
1) Chick & Mommy Blogs
2) Humor & Satire Blogs
3) Milblogs/Military Support Blogs
4) Random Blogs That Don't Fit a Category
5) Kitty Kat Blogs (And Other Pets too!)
6) Political Blogs (Or Something Close)

And, I'm only a little surprised I got in under the humor & satire category considering the rules specifically state no vulgar blogs accepted.

It must be all those * symbols I use to cover my vowels. Nobody knows that I'm really swearing when I do that, right?

So, go ahead and nominate away until this Sunday. Monday is the beginning of the voting, so I'll probably be writing on this again and promoting the sites I know, enjoy, and maybe even some I want to get to know.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

First off, my apologies to both What the hell is wrong with you? and Yippee-ki-yay! as I put up a second hint when it wasn't necessary.

Ward Churchill was already guessed correctly by What the hell is wrong with you? the day before, but I was in la-la land (not literally) and didn't see the guess (what the hell is wrong with me, is definitely fitting here, lol).

So, Yippee-ki-yay! deserves an honourable mention for knowing without a doubt that Ward Churchill is bonkers, but What the hell is wrong with you? is the winner this time around, which means that von has been given the boot for now.

Lol.

Of course, many of you may remember Ward Churchill for his controversial 9/11 ramblings in which he referred to the victims of the Twin Towers as "little Eichmanns". This reference to the orchestrator of the Holocaust implied that the 9/11 deceased had created their own catastrophe, and in that sense, deserved what they got.

Yes, he's one sick mofo.

He's even admits to vandalism as a form of bravado against repression when he blurts:

Not being comfortable with that, I have a rule of thumb: I smile very politely to the cop, take the ticket, look to see how much the fine is going to be, and before I leave that state, I make sure I cause at least that much property damage in state material before I go, so it’s a wash, boys and girls.

Why do you choose to live in a country you're so strongly against?

That's my question to all hissy fit throwers.

As for blaming technocratic USA for the outcome, listen loser, the US put food on your table, clothes on your back, and gave you a d*mn job (which you didn't deserve in the first place, faker), not to mention enabled you to write you filth paper in the first place (with, you know, all those capitalistic resources: pen, paper, computer, etc.).

It also protects your a$$ as best it can from terrorism ever happening to you (although, why it should is beyond me).

Churchill spews more bologna in the paper called "Some People Push Back" On the Justice of Roosting Chickens by claiming that

The FBI and "cooperating agencies" can be thus relied upon to set about "protecting freedom" by destroying whatever rights and liberties were left to U.S. citizens before September 11.

The s-o-b should be thanking his lucky stars that he wasn't living in Iraq and badmouthing Saddam's administration instead because we all know Saddam would have taken pleasure in torturing and killing such an insolent creep.

I suppose my only solace is that moron Churchill was fired from his professorship at the University of Colorado as a result of his treasonous paper and for falsifying his social status as having a Ph.D. (which he does not), being an original painter (which he pretty much only replicates famous paintings), and being of aboriginal blood (claimed he was part Indian, or First Nations when it's suggested he is not).

It seems Ward Churchill is the Imaginary Indian of the US.

Or, perhaps a wannabe Grey Owl of anarchy.

(side note: he claims his native name is Kenis, which clearly sounds a lot like something else, so I choose to take liberties and simply refer to this guy as a dick!)

But, you know, all those at the U of C (or CU, or whatever they choose to call themselves) who were involved in the hiring of this... weasel... should be fired, too.

And, for those who haven't read the paper itself, Churchill's underlying theory is his claim that the 9/11 terrorists only did what they did as a retaliatory measure after many of their children died as a result of the 1991 US bombing of their country's water and sewage system.

Weasel Ward - you've got to be dreaming if you think the murderers on those planes were doing it for the sake of the children. The terrorists don't give a rat's a$$ about life, and you know that, especially when you see them strapping a suicide bomb onto some poor tyke, under 12 years of age no less.

So, whatever, fool.

Those terrorists, in my opinion, did it because they were jealous cowards. No, the "cowards" are not the

"firm-jawed lads" who delighted in flying stealth aircraft through the undefended airspace of Baghdad

And, as a result, they behaved as any chicken-hearted, jealous s-o-b does: they threw a tantrum. They didn't want to see fair and just treatment (democracy) enter civilian life in their own countries. They wanted to continue ruling their countries with a bomb-clad fist, so they attempted to take the US down a peg.

Well, guess what, the US didn't sink down to their level, and it's not sinking down to yours either, Churchill.

Hiding behind a piece of paper - calling heroes cowards - has got to be one of the largest acts of cowardice out there - you know, aside from being an actual terrorist.

But, thinking about it, instead of publicising your paper, you probably should have kept it within the classroom where you likely had a better chance of brainwashing the more naive, liberalistic/anarchistic rebels of the US who were 'still finding themselves'.

I'm sure you had a lot of ignorant suckers willing to hear, and buy into, your pathetic propaganda in there rather than out here in the real world where the more seasoned and logically-thinking wander (well, some of us, anyhow).

And, yes, I was a university student (graduated with 2 degrees and on Dean's List), so I am aware of the level of naïveté involved amongst colleagues.

You know, I hope you all appreciate this article because to write it, I was forced to read (sleep) through Churchill's name-dropping, cliche-oozing, wannabe-trendsetting, weak terminology-spewing drivel of a paper.

How many naps I had to take just to get through that abomination, I don't know.

And, in reflection, the term "moron" just doesn't seem to cut it for this guy. Got a better term we could use for him?

Have at it.

I'm done here. Congratulations again to What the hell is wrong with you? for the win.

More on the moron:
WARD CHURCHILL RIDES AGAIN telling a joke that likely only he finds funny.
Ward Churchillbacks fragging: Controversial '9-11 prof' suggests rolling grenades under line officers
Is 9-11 prof a plagiarist? Churchill writings said to contain passages 'almost identical' to those of other authors
Ward Churchill- Another Leftist Allowed Promote Sedition and Treason
WARD CHURCHILL: CAUGHT ON TAPE ADVOCATING TERRORISM
Ward Churchill: wikiquotes
Pirate Ballerina - for all your Ward Churchill needs, or to wretch a little when you find out some people want the moron "un"fired.

Some open trackbacks: partyblog.ca, imaginekitty, The Dumb Ox, Conservative Cat, Woman Honor Thyself, Comedian Jenee

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Woo hoo, I'm da man! [by What the hell is wrong with you?]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Came across this by way of Mitchieville: lipstick pepper spray.

I must agree with the article writer: I would definately be giving myself a dose of spray after a drunken night on the town as I go to 'freshen up my face'.

Then I can say for certain, I'm my own worst enemy.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:03 PM | Permalink

Here is some really weird (lame) site where you can create and dress your own doll.

You can even choose a celebrity from the Stardolls tab.

Of course, I p*ssed around with the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes dolls.

But, I'm a little disappointed.

I wanted to put a pink frilly girl's dress on Cruise. I think it would be very fitting.

Of course, I placed Katie Holmes under Tom Cruise so that Tom looks like he's walking all over her - you know, have to be true to real life.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Forget penile implants, try endangered species eggs.

It seems some Australian man, Wayne Floyd, thought he'd be a genius and stuff 6 eggs in his underwear as a way of smuggling the eggs to Bangkok.

Of course, like any criminal, the man had a lame-arse defense and claimed that he did it in the hopes of surprising his girlfriend.

"Surprise! You're dating an idiot!"

Floyd was about to board a flight from Sydney to Bangkok, Thailand, last November when a customs officer frisked him and noticed a suspicious bulge around his groin, the New South Wales District Court was told. A strip search revealed six eggs hidden inside a stocking in his underwear.

I don't know about you, but I'm sure somewhere there's a good joke about this story in relation to his destination: Bangkok.

Bangkok, egg, in his underwear. It's got to write itself.

And, let's just forget about those "is that an egg in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?" jokes.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Got this idea from Right Wing Howler, check out that one too.

Credit goes to MR.BIG for the entire production.

See also:
Western Standard: If a tree fasts in a forest...
Michelle Malkin: How's the Fast Going?
AbbaGav: Sheehan Announces Hunger Strike, Michael Moore Strangely Silent
the squiggler: How do you spell hypocrite?
Simi Valley Sophist: Fasting Like They Fight

Previous/Related: The Non- Moonbat "To Do" List, Crazy Sam #32, The Appalling Wicked Witch Of The West, ANNOUNCEMENT: 2005 MOTY Results, SHUT. YOUR. PIE. HOLE. A. BIT. MOORE, MICHAEL.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I know this is a tough one, but I thought the "fake" part would tip someone off or at least the discussion of "insane". I'm going to have to try harder with a new hint, although this hint might suck just as harshly as the last one:

The only one "desperate" here is you and your obvious attempt to aquire fame over the bullsh*t you spew, ya wannabe.

My apologies if it still leaves you stumped, but that's all I've got til Friday.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

You Are a German Shepherd Puppy

Intelligent, quick witted, and a bit aggressive. You've got the jaw power to take a bite out of anyone you choose.

Woof!

Yes, yes, and can be. But, I'm also playful and like to hump pillows.

Oh wait, too much information.

Hat Tip: Madness of the Moment

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

123beta shared this juicy news tidbit that he found over at Deadspin, and I would feel shamed not to share it with you all.

Somehow, I've just got to get myself to England on August 5th this summer.

Apparently, the UK is hosting its first ever "masturbate-a-thon" as part of "Wank week". The massive jerk off session is intended to raise money for safe sex charities.

Prizes will be on offer for those who clock up the most orgasms and those who can masturbate the longest - the current record, according to the organisers, is a chafing eight-and-a-half hours.

You know, I'm thinking on August 5th, no matter where you are in the world, you should participate in support. Not, you know, to raise charity money or anything (unless you want to), but merely because it would be so freaking funny to know that thousands of people around the world would be pleasuring themselves all at the same time.

A global orgy, so to speak.

And, hey, kinda looks like some celebrities have been practising for the competition. I mean, just look at the massive size of Madonna's vibrator.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Nukes and Candy had this intriguing top 10 list that I just couldn't ignore.

So, following suit, I have come up with my own top 10 profiles I just cannot trust.

1. The Morning Person: seriously, there's something fishy about waking up with the sun and being happy about it. What could possibly be so enjoyable about having that wretched morning sun burning out your retinas?

2. Consistently Tidy People: what are they trying to hide that they always need to be cleaning up? It's like a cover up. They must have some dirty little secrets to be obsessed with hiding the 'evidence'.

3. An obvious one, The Gossiper: I don't know how many times I've sat beside a friend while she was on the phone with another friend, gossiping about and backstabbing someone else. How could anyone possibly trust sharing any information with these types? Or, better question, why the heck do I visit with these people?

4. People who wear shorts in the winter: oh wait, I did that growing up. Nevermind.

5. The Cat Lady, or spinster with 40 pets: why? Because it makes me wonder what scheme they've got cooking to own so many pets. Are they training their cats to become ninja cats that will help their owner take over the world? I wonder.

6. I don't trust those who can't have a light-hearted laugh from time to time. Why be so serious all the time? What, are you too busy scheming to take over the world or something?

7. Mimes. 'Nough said.

8. Not funny, but I don't trust old men with hats who are on the road, driving. Similarly, old grannies who can't see over the steering wheel. Seriously, it's not funny. Scares the cr*p out of me.

9. People who will watch a movie with you - one that they've already seen - and they begin telling you what's going to happen next, etc. I avoid going to the movies with those people at all costs.

10. People who fart out loud in public and don't even appear embarrassed about it. Or, worse, those who point me out as the culprit when it wasn't me. Those jerks... and you know who you are!

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Posted by Samantha at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

This person is possibly one of the most insane blurters of stupidity I've ever read about: insane and fake.

(not diagnosed insane, that's just my own assessment of the person)

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

This isn't a new one, but thought I'd share it anyways.

Always remember this:

YOU ARE UNIQUE... just like everyone else.

Got any conundrums of your own to share?

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Posted by Samantha at 05:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Well, that didn't work out. I tried putting the game up on my site, but it's not working, so here's the link to the game via another route.

The Toilet Aimer Game

40240 was my high score.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This article contributed by The Conservative UAW Guy

So I overheard a hippy say that Bush, "Harshes my mellow...".

Now personally, being a swingin' (NOT swinging) hep kind of cat, I was
surprised I wasn't up on the latest vernacular of today's yutes.
I mean, I'm no square or anything (with apologies to the Blue Square, of course).

So I question to myself the following, regarding this strange hippyspeak:

1. Do I, personally, have a "mellow"?
2. If I do have said "mellow", is it capable of being "harshed"?
3. If I do indeed, have a "mellow", that is capable of being "harshed", would I notice it were "harshed"?
4. Would I care?
5. Also, would this be a good thing or a bad thing? For instance, if Bush "harshed my mellow" (which I doubt, if he truly "harshes" hippy "mellows"), would I be all like, "Thanks George; you rule!" and stuff; or would I think, "Dang, George. I am disappointed, almost as much as I was when you nominated Harriet Myers"?
6. Can a "mellow" be "unharshed"?
7. And logically, can an "unharshed mellow" (if such a thing can be) be "re- harshed"?
8. If I, myself, can't "harsh a hippy's mellow", can I at least impale him?
9. Why do "harsh" and "mellow" sound much like marshmallow? How does this (if it does at all) relate to Mallow Cups?
10. Are there degrees of harshing, or is a "harshed mellow" a discrete state; all or nothing? and of course
11. Why the hell did I think this was post-worthy?

I realize there are many important questions facing us in today's
tumultuous times, but I think perhaps, these are the most pressing.

Leave your enlightenment in the comments....

Contributed by The Conservative UAW Guy

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Hat Tip: Cyber Chocolate and Peace of My Mind.

Although though this is horribly funny, perhaps somewhat true, I'll still eat chinese food. Yum, yum, sweet and sour "pork".

Garfield on my fork - priceless.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Honestly, just looking.

Not shopping around, or anything, no... just looking.

Actually not even looking, just accidentally clicked on the link, and fell upon it.

Didn't write it down as a search word, or nothin', just coincidence.

Yah, coincidence.

No, really, it was a mistake, an error on my part.

Ya, that's it. My knee bumped the keyboard and it clicked on to the link.

Ya, a boo-boo, that's it, a boo-boo.

Not my fault. I don't know what you're talking about.

I didn't do anything.

Perhaps this could be considered NSFW:

The Rabbit Vibrator Store.

Actually, I just thought I'd share this link with you, especially since the site owner offered me a free product to try.

Go. Visit. Now. Buy. Now.

bbbbuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzz....

UPDATE: Lostinlimaohio shares:

that if you're going to get one, you might as well go for this one: Impulse Jack Rabbit Vibrator

Really, I wouldn't know myself.... it's just that I have heard from other people, who wouldn't know themselves either...
because they heard it from other people, who wouldn't know themselves either...
because they heard it from other people, who wouldn't know themselves either...
because they heard it from other people, who wouldn't know themselves either...
because they heard it from other people, who wouldn't know themselves either...
because they heard it from other people, that that is the best one.

UPDATE: My life was practically threatened to not publish this, so here it is...

Lostinlimaohio shares some more:

Really, no one I know has ever admitted they personally know... but they all say they've heard that one is the best. I'm just trying to be nice and let you know so you get the best result from the money you'll be spending on batteries.

I personally would know nothing at all about it.

Oh, and get those special energizer batteries they make for digital cameras, not the cheap discount kind. You'll thank me later.

Next thing you know, this "person" will be sharing her favourite personal setting for the product, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

This post submitted by me (Lostinlimaohio) while on my death bed, and approved by Sam for lack of anything better to do.

I've put some time in being married. And I've been with my husband for so long even before we got hitched, that the details on how to properly pick up a guy are a little fuzzy. That being said, I've shoved around the cobwebs hanging in my "how to pick up a guy" section of my mind... and I've come to the conclusion that this is not the way to do it.

Washington County Sheriff's Sgt. David Thompson told KGW-TV of Portland it all started with a noise complaint called in last month by neighbors of Lorna Jeanne Dudash. The deputy sent to check on the complaint knocked on her door, then left.

Thompson said Dudash then called 911, asking that the "cutie pie" deputy return.

"He's the cutest cop I've seen in a long time. I just want to know his name," Dudash told the dispatcher. "Heck, it doesn't come very often a good man comes to your doorstep."

[...]

"Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.

For those single 45 year old women out there that may be prompted to try something like this, you know just in case it works... here's some other suggestions:

Shoplifting at a store that has "cute" security guards.

Pounding a nail in your hand so you can meet a "nice" ER doctor.

Setting your house on fire, during the handsome EMT's shift.

Become a White House intern, while democrats are in office.

Article contributed by Lostinlimaohio

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Posted by lostinlimaohio at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Well, congratulations again goes to von for winning the crown and knowing that Elton John was last week's moron.

Now, can von maintain the title for a second week, or will you be the one to defeat von?

Good luck to everyone.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your right is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (17)

Let's make this quick and easy: trackback your stuff here.

Plus, Sam could use a little support with a few blogad click-thrus from you.

And, when you've done here, why not head to macbro's place for a Friday Night Flip Off.

Also Diane's Stuff has a new Dead Guy up for her game. Try taking the crown away from me (winner - two games in a row) by guessing who the dead person is - it's a fun challenge.

Here's the info for open trackbacks:

Trackback articles that showcase your work and discuss whatever you want to attract new readers (linking this article in return of course).

Look to the right of this site to find out which OTA members are doing open trackbacks.

Do NOT link other posts doing open trackbacks. Use Linkfest Haven instead.

To learn about OTA and trackbacking, click on the OTA link:

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
The Knucklehead of the Day award [by The Florida Masochist]
When you can no longer be right-wing [by Planck's Constant]
Improper Blogs [by 123beta]
The best of the ducks this week! [by Lil Duck Duck]
Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It… [by Nerd. and so much more!]
No wonder he knew so much about kids [by Don Surber]
FREE BUNNY MCINTOSH [by ★imaginekitty★]
Hezbollah's End Of Days [by Planck's Constant]
FNFO 9th !! [by MacBros' Place]
Former Secret Agent to Sue Cheney [by The Kag Report]
Got a Problem? Make it like Zidane Butt Head! [by Planck's Constant]
Justice for Priyadarshini [by Selective Amnesia]
Irish National Yoga Team Takes Home Top Honors [by Political Satire Fake News - The Nose On Your Face]
ISRAEL BLASTS CENTRAL BEIRUT [by Freedom Watch]
Barbi Twins On O'Reilly Factor [by The World According To Carl]
Parting Shot For The Paper Of Wreckage [by Woody's News]
BlamE the U.S. and IsraeL..who else? [by Woman Honor Thyself]
Carnival of the Blogging Chicks is up - Dream Theme [by Lil Duck Duck]
Dastardly Discovery Distortions [by TMH's Bacon Bits]
Spend Hundreds of Dollars and Read Tons of Spam to Collect a Free $500 Gift [by Conservative Cat]
So how has your day gone? [by Shadowscope]
Hezbollah rocket strikes Haifa apartment building [by Tel-Chai Nation]

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Posted by Samantha at 08:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

... it was the tight-arse blue leotards.

Superman has tantrum over his wimpy make-up.

Next thing you know, we'll hear Kate Bosworth complaining that the camera had too many close-ups of her f*cked up eyes, or that Kevin Spacey was whining that his Lex Luthor bald cap was too tight, or perhaps Parker Posey griped that the little furball she had to hold gave her allergies.

Whatever.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Found these young musicians in the making online, and thought I'd share the links.

This one's of Tony Royster Jr., a 12 year old drummer.

And, here is an assortment of Jerry C's guitar work.

I took the one and added it to another just for fun. Too bad Jerry C's already has a drumbeat background because it would be neat to find something that could put the two in sync.

Maybe these guys should get together to form a rock band, lol.

But, then again, there's always this talent: a kid playing a head flute using what looks like a condom, lol.

UPDATE: MacBros left a comment here that I want to bring out front for people to read. To me, this is one reason why I don't listen to todays pop music; there's no real talent in it worthy of my money:

When I was out playing gigs, I met this kid that was just like that drummer you posted (not as good, but almost).
One day my drummer was in this mood that ended up running for about a week. Myself and the other 3 members of the band were getting tired of the bitching and complaining from our drummer (Seems to be something with drummers, as every band has one apparently), but anyway, I told the rest of the guys about this kid I know, and we decided to let him tag along with us for a practice session (With parental approval, DAMN NO BOOZE THAT DAY!)

Our drummer shows up (2 hours late as usual) and we're jamming with this little 14 year old (It was sounding awsome too, if it weren't for labour laws preventing him from playing out in night clubs, we would have fired our drummer that day!)

But this was just a wake up call. My Drummer comes in and sees/hears us jamming, walks in and says, "WTF!?"

"Um, damn, this is unconfortable man, " we say, "But we've replaced you with somebody that doesn't need a reason to complain."

He kicks a bunch of shit around and goes out to his truck and starts loading his stuff back in.

We let him reload eveything back in...and then go out to tell him that, "Hey, we were just fu*$ing with ya man!"

I guess it scared the crap outta him, because his attitude changed from that day forward and was more of a team member, than just a drummer.

If all musicians seen these kids these days, and saw them play just because it's fun. We wouldn't be forking out $30 a CD and paying $100 for a concert ticket.

The music industry is so one track minded these days. Only focused on the almighty DollarMillion Dollar!

Whatever happened to, playing because you lived to play?

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I haven't done one of these in a long while, so here is a list of some of the odd search engine hits I've gotten recently.

DREAM GAL BLOG
crazy iranian
i want to show the whole world my boobs
PAMELA ANDERSON IQ
pamela anderson sucks
How many people pee in the shower Statistics
samantha is a big poopy head face
A cartoon of someone going crazy
eric cartman sociopath
gruesome burns
crazy penguin baseball.
horniest time of the day for women
burns when i poo
people who don't eat vegetables because they have feelings
samantha sucks
samantha's spanking audio
if the flintstones has taught us anything
can you eat crocs shoes

My favourites: "DREAM GAL BLOG", aw, I'm blushing. "people who don't eat vegetables because they have feelings", and as a PERV, I have to say ya, that's right! "samantha sucks" - that's for me to know, and you to....

Some more fav's:
"samantha's spanking audio" - oh oh, how did that get out?
"if the flintstones has taught us anything" - let me help you complete that, "If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement." [á la Homer Simpson]

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Congratulations von for knocking The Hand of Munger out of the winner's circle.

Now, some of you may be wondering how von knows that Sir Elton John is a moron. I mean, what did Sir Elton John ever do to make himself a moron?

Well, let me tells ya.

If anything, we cannot call John a recluse. He's out there... and I mean out there.

From criticising and attempting to reform fellow celebs to his cr*ppy sense of style, John makes himself noticed.

Of course, we all know him for his tacky outfits and gaudy glasses, but another cheesy element of this moron is his self-loathing.

He hides no secrets about how he despises his physical appearance:

"Looking in the mirror and not liking what I see - that's been with me all my life and probably will be until the day I die.

"The physical self-loathing. I like myself as a person very much, but physically."

Plus, if you stopped nagging others (which I will get to shortly) and fixed your own deep-rooted 'problems', you could actually look past your superficial self to see a brighter life.

But, you know, instead of taking that logical step to healing, the moron opts for plan 'B': getting high and drunk to numb his pain.

Always the wiser frickin' choice.

Duh.

"Flamboyant rocker Sir Elton John used to smoke so much cannabis he was forced to undergo surgery to save his voice."

"My drug now is food. I've only got to pass a baker's window and I put on 15 pounds."

Wouldn't you just call that masking the issue?

What's next? Are you going to trade in sweets and cakes for heavy ammo and drive-by shootings?

Oh ya, and speaking of Rampage John, he has blurted out stupid gun-toting threats on numerous occasions.

For instance, he verbally attacked the Cannes Film Festival press when they interrupted a speech by saying,

"If you saw Transamerica ... I'm talking ... you f**kwit, f**ing photographers you should be shot, you should be all shot. Thank you."

Twit.

I think those drugs may have eaten away too much of your brain, and it's too late for you now.

In another instance, he attacked the paparazzi, stating,

"I'm not keen on being followed around by the paparazzi, I hate them. If I had six months to live, I'd get a machine gun and I'd kill 'em all. And I'm being serious. It's that bad. They're scumbags. They're not human anyway."

By the way, dimbulb, those paparazzi help keep you famous and wealthy. The more you are exposed in the media by them, the more chances of people buying your albums due to name recognition.

Dolt.

But, what's really funny is that Elton John basically threatened Madonna when he complained about her lip-synching:

"Anyone who lip-synchs in public on stage when you pay GBP75 to see them should be shot."

Keep that 'man' out of the frickin' gun shops, people; he's a walking time-bomb.

I swear if he keeps it up, they're going to have to change it from "going postal" to "turning Elton".

But, when he's not threatening the lives of others, he's meddling in their affairs and attempting to reform all the celebrities he can in a single swoop.

For instance, he attempted to kidnap and reform Robbie Williams from his drug-addicted ways by getting his guards together, tossing Williams in a limo, and forcing him into a rehab clinic.

Ya, 'cause that's always the best way to help someone - by forcing them.

Moron.

Haven't you ever heard the phrase, "you can't help someone until they choose to help themselves" (well, it goes something like that).

Plus, Elton's been in one gay squabble after another with both George Michael and Boy George at one time or another.

Good grief, I'm not even going into that childishness.

He's also slammed singers Ashanti, Brian McFadden, and Gwen Stefani for their musical choices - like he's one to talk.

"Brian is probably a nice man, but I nearly died when I listened to Irish Son. I absolutely hated it. It's the worst lyric on a record I've ever heard. I had to take it off in case I committed suicide. It's just horrible. No, no, no."

When asked about Ashanti's ONLY U track, John fumes, "I hate this. Absolutely hate it. It sounds so dated, it's just painting by numbers. Awful. And that horrible cover. How will this ever sell? Ugh."

Despite admitting he "loves" NO DOUBT singer Stefani, John is unimpressed with her debut solo single WHAT YOU WAITING FOR?

John laments, "Very disappointing. I love her, but I just don't think the song is very good."

Look at the cr*p you sell. Give me a break - you suck-diddley-uck!

But, at least one person knows the truth about him - Elton John's a faker:

"Gospel singer RENATA WILSON, 19, was in the line-up for the ROYAL VARIETY SHOW in London two years ago when she witnessed Elton's diva-like backstage behaviour after it was suggested his slot was delayed.

Renata explains, "For about five minutes he went off for a paddy behind the stage. He had to wait to perform so we were all standing in the wings.

"Then as soon as the curtains went back he was all smiles and was playing away. I thought, 'You faker.'"

"British rocker Sir Elton John believes Americans have been manipulated so much since the 11 September (01) attacks, they no longer live in a free country."

The freedom issue lies with the terrorists trying to take freedom away, you tool.

What the frick is so bloody wrong with protecting freedom and lives?

Well, it's almost time to go. But, before I do, I want to leave you with this notion:

Elton John dances in his bathroom to Kylie Minogue music while NAKED!

Enjoy that image of a nude Elton John, heh heh.

Congrats again goes to von for the win.

Some open trackbacks today: Woman Honor Thyself, partyblog.ca, imaginekitty, The Dumb Ox, Comedian Jenee

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

One of my favourite The Simpsons jokes is how Florida is America's wang.

With that said, here are some other wangs that aren't exactly wangs: 10 things that look like a penis.

And, in all fairness, here are 10 things that look like a vagina.

Lol, I always thought of Jason Alexander as a pussy, too.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Jason from Shock & Blog informed me yesterday of a game that I completely overlooked.

It's "demented" as he stated, and totally up my alley, so it may be up yours.

It's called Knife Throw.

Objective: kill the b*tch. Kidding, it's to score high, but you know that's not the actual fun of the game.

High score: 400.

Milking Cows game is funny, too. High score: 880. Watch 'em explode.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

It's link the heck out of Radioactive Jam day, lol. Well, I did it in my PERV post and am doing it now, so close enough.

Anyhow, I read an article over there and thought it was worth a looksy and a bit of discussion.

Overheard Secondhand

RaJ asks,

A couple with a dearly loved Down’s Syndrome child refer to the little tyke as their “sweet ‘tard.�

Is it okay to think that’s really funny and/or laugh?

What do you think?

Personally, I love the taste of sweet 'tards, I mean sweet tarts, so I don't see what the big problem is.

*gasp*

As you may know, I pride myself of being un-PC, so I have no shame in seeing the humour in it.

Political Correctness can suck my arse!

What says you?

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Paris Hilton is going on record, stating that she is actually smart.

Was that s-m-r-t, or s-m-a-r-t? (reference from The Simpsons)

She claims that her persona on The Simple Life was all an act and that she's actually not as ditzy as she appeared on the show.

Sorry, ditz, but reality doesn't lie.

And, since being awarded the moron title, Hilton has gone on to do several more idiotic things - not as an act - which may be brought up in the future if she is ever declared "moron" again (which, as I'm sure you know, is extremely possible).

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Posted by Samantha at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Welcome all PERVs to another veggie-free meeting.

Today we shall discuss an approach we can use to misguide, I mean inform vegetable eaters on in the hopes of turning them off of eating those poor, innocent plants.

This is an idea brought forth by Radioactive Jam who once confessed, "while on my way to work... my mind strayed to PERV thoughts".

Congrats, Radioactive Jam, I'm glad you are getting in touch with your inner PERV.

At the same time, he suggested that we should be "raising public awareness of PERVs mission... and 'illustrating' what might happen should normally docile vegetables choose violence against their abusers".

It is true, PERVs. Spread the word to all veggie munchers that they are asking for trouble every time they chew on a carrot or masticate using pickles.

Hand out these flyers to anyone and everyone you meet as a way to spread the word. Vegetables can easily turn themselves into WMD by impaling their victims.

Only you can PERVent veggie abuse.

VIVA LA PERV!

Meeting adjourned.

Thanks to VP PERV Diane's Stuff for the logo.

And, thanks to Radioactive Jam for catchy terms like "PERVentable".

All previous PERV posts.
To join PERV, sign here.

Some open trackbacks today: TMH's Bacon Bits, partyblog.ca, imaginekitty, The Dumb Ox, Conservative Cat

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Here is a long list of blogging terms that may keep you reading for hours.

I just stumbled across this and thought it was worthy of sharing.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

They call this one Hammer Throw.

See how far you can throw the ball, you get three tries per game.

For some reason, I keep knocking my guy out when I hit the fence, lol.

My score: 914

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Posted by Samantha at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Someone at Procter and Gamble had the wacky notion to study which cities in the United States were the sweatiest.

I guess it only stands to reason that those states closer to the equator would be chosen as the stinkiest and sweatiest, eh.

Coming in strong (scented) at number one 1 is Phoenix, Arizona; however, Texas seems to have more cities in the top 10 overall.

Here's the list:

1. Phoenix, Arizona
2. Las Vegas, Nevada
3. Tucson, Arizona
4. Dallas, Texas
5. Corpus Cristi, Texas
6. San Antonio, Texas
7. Austin, Texas
8. Shreveport, Louisiana
9. Houston, Texas
10. Waco, Texas

But, be proud, those in

San Francisco, California
Seattle, Washington
Spokane, Washington
Portland, Oregon
Portland, Maine

because you were noted as the least sweaty cities.

Perhaps that's another thing good about living in Canada. It's cooler here, so we probably don't sweat and stink as much.

But, I can't speak for everybody because I've come across some reekers up here.

It's not like taking a shower and using deodorant is rocket science, people. And, if that happens to be too much trouble (why, I wouldn't know), then throw some frickin' cologne on for bloody sakes.

It's the least you could do for our schnozzolas.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Is this person a 'sir' or 'madame'? Seriously, I wonder about that sometimes.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Yeesh!

Somebody will have to shoot me if they ever make a movie based on this "action" cartoon show: Captain Planet.

For those unaware, Captain Planet and the Planeteers was an animated series in the 90's - a Saturday morning cartoon if you will - based on environmental issues and pollution topics.

In the show, there are 5 kids with special rings that represent something environmental: water, earth, wind, whatever. And, with their rings, they can summon a superhero who conquers the major disasters.

At the end of every episode, they discuss environmentally sound initiatives that all people can do to "save" the planet from pollution and the like.

For example, they teach the kids about recycling, composting, and sh*t.

Ya, just wait til the enviro-freaks get their grubby hands on it and put this stinker onto the big screen.

It was a pretty popular show in the early 90's, and full of controversy, so I can imagine some enviro-dork remembering it and thinking to exploit it and the children who'd be watching it.

Of course, if they did make a movie like this, I'm sure they could get more corny, activist-nutty actors like they did for the cartoon. In the cartoon they had Martin Sheen, Whoopi Goldberg, Meg Ryan, Sting, and Ed Asner to name a few.

*shudder*

Anyhow, all I can do is hope to heck that that day never comes.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

After Committees of Correspondence left this in the comment section of a recent article, I thought it was only fair to make everyone else squirm with disgust by bringing the news out front.

You ever hear of Ukrainian Salo?
I understand they even have it chocolate covered now. ;-)
Pork choc on the menu in Ukraine

For years people here have loved pork fat, known as salo.

Normally, small slices of the white fat are eaten with black bread, raw garlic and vodka.

But this new twist is designed to appeal to Ukraine's love of all things fatty.

Eurovision fan

For the equivalent of £1 you can now get four small sticks of salo covered in chocolate at Kiev's poshest Ukrainian restaurant.

And you can also get hold of the sweet salo - nicknamed Ukraine's Snickers - in Ruslana's home city of Lviv in Western Ukraine.

"I love it as it's unusual. I was given the first serving of Lviv's chocolate salo. Perhaps they were testing my bravery, but I ate it and I'm still alive!" Ruslana laughs.

But the chocolaty pork fat should come with a health warning, according to Dr Svetlana Fus from the Kiev Medical Research Centre.

Unusual: Pop singer Ruslana says she likes chocolate salo
"It's the worst combination you could have. I think that people should steer clear of the Ukrainian Snickers."

The former Soviet republic already has one of the highest death rates from heart disease in Europe.
Ukrainian Snickers

Blech!

Funny thing is it looks like sh*t, and I'm guessing the taste ain't far off from it, too.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Why do many of the major mattress brands start with the letter "s"?

Serta, Sealy, Simmons, Spring Air.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

The first one is a lesson to all men, don't use beer to help swallow down that viagra.

That could be a painful p*ss.

And, this one's pretty funny and disturbing at the same time.

But, they say a dog's butt is cleaner than a humans.

Or was that a dog's mouth is cleaner than a humans?

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I read one of those "no sh*t" articles recently about bad eating habits, and I thought I'd make one of my own.

The original article mentioned 7 eating styles that make people overweight, but my 7 are going to be 7 "no kidding they're bad for you" foods and why they're bad.

In no particular order:

1. Supersized fat food, I mean fast food: there's nothing like overindulging in week old, soaking in grease, giganta-fries and burgers to get that heart thumping. Sure you thought the pounding of the heart was your love for those greaseball burgers (thanks Denis Leary for that one), but instead, it's the last thump you'll ever hear as you gasp your last breath of life.

2. Chocolate Bars - diabetes? Bah, who cares. I don't need my health anyhow as long as I have those sweet, sweet bars. And, to really get the shakes, don't bother going for one or two, heck eat a box full.

3. Butter - I'm not talking a little butter on your bread, I'm talking a big, honkin' slab of the slimy stuff - BY ITSELF. There's nothing yummier than clamping down on that huge chunk of butter in the morning and letting it slide bulbously down your throat. You know you want it, but to have it would be like begging for a clogged artery, not to mention getting the scoots.

4. Motor Oil - another nasty habit of yours? It smells good, it tastes good, but is it good for you? My answer: no.

5. Broccoli - yes, they keep telling us that broccoli is good for us, but is it really? First off, as a PERV, I've got to completely stand up against the eating of these vegetables (and all veggies). Second of all, how can anything that bad possibly be good for you? So far, I'm not convinced of the scientific research on this topic.

6. They also say that nuts are good for you in moderation, but I say you've got to be nuts to eat nuts.

7. Battered foods - stop food abuse - nobody and nothing deserves to be battered. We need to create a home for battered fish sticks, cheese sticks, and the like. Oh ya, and the grease isn't good for you, either.

So, there you have it. The 7 "no kidding, eh" bad for you foods.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT! [by Freedom Watch]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

So, why don't you flip a virtual coin?

You can select a variety of different coins you'd like to flip, too.

But, why the heck isn't the Canadian coin on that list? Our money isn't that worthless, is it? lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

or wack, or whatever.

It's knitting tag. Vandalism has never looked so cosy.

I think this is what you would call punk rebellion for grannies.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I don't even want to know what sex trade searching you were doing. I've decided to be nice to my readers and I've found a non-scam site where you can view your "needs". Just follow the link link here. Now back to the article...

This is a warning to all you sex trade workers out there (you know who you are), as well as to any other person (drag-dressing men and dominatrix women, alike) who wear stilettos.

Studies have indicated that high heels may, in fact, drive you crazy. And, I don't mean crazy as in they hurt your feet, but I mean crazy as in literally.

The well-heeled might have cause for alarm. A scientist in Sweden says wearing high heels can lead to mental disorders, and has drawn alarming parallels between stilettos and schizophrenia among women.

Jarl Flensmark says high heels cause their wearers to tense their calves in a way that normal walking never does. That could prevent neuro-receptors in the calf muscles from triggering release of dopamine, a compound necessary for mental well-being.

And, there's more news for the sexually promiscuous.

Got that itchy, burning feeling down below?

Well, it seems that there may be less of you out there than originally thought.

The rate of severe complications associated with chlamydia, the most commonly reported sexually transmitted disease, might be lower than commonly thought.

But, wait,

Others, however, were not convinced by the findings.

Importantly, Sperling added, the study only looked at hospital-reported complications, while most complications are not diagnosed in a hospital.

Oh well, I guess it's back to my non-stiletto wearing/non-whoring lifestyle... and I had such high hopes.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

The Hand of Munger did it last week by guessing correctly that Thom Yorke from Radiohead is a moron.

Will The Hand of Munger be able to maintain the title this week, or will you be the next champion to win the throne?

Good luck to everyone.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your right is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Please trackback your fine articles here and raise any questions/concerns in the comment section below, if you have them.

And, hey, since you're here, why not support Sam with a little blogad click-thrus.

Also, you may want to read and discuss Committees of Correspondence's response (in my comment section of the moron article) to someone whining about the moron this week. He wrote a great bunch of info explaining why people like Yorke are considered morons here.

And, when you've done here, why not head to macbro's place for a Friday Night Flip Off.

Here's the info for open trackbacks:

Trackback articles that showcase your work and discuss whatever you want to attract new readers (linking this article in return of course):

Look to the right of this site to find out which OTA members are doing open trackbacks.

Do NOT link other posts doing open trackbacks. Use Linkfest Haven instead.

To learn about OTA and trackbacking, click on the OTA link:

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Dear Folly “Desperate In Denver” [by Diane's Stuff]
You are from the Midwest. You are culturally depri [by Committees of Correspondence]
The Knucklehead of the Day award [by The Florida Masochist]
FNFO The 8th !! [by MacBros' Place]
North Korean President To Face Super-Animal Wrath [by Political Satire Fake News - The Nose On Your Face]
Now Eating Again, Activists to Hold Breath [by The Kag Report]
He's the father! [by The Florida Masochist]
New Details Emerging on Busted NY Terror Plot [by A Blog For All]
US COMMANDER FINISHES HADITHA REVIEW [by Freedom Watch]
THE INSANITY OF KIM JONG II [by Freedom Watch]
THE SENATE SELLOUT - ANOTHER ATROCITY [by Freedom Watch]
ONE YEAR TODAY - 7/7 - NEVER FORGET [by Freedom Watch]
Head ‘em up! [by third world county]
Draft Dodgers Reunite [by 123beta]
Saber rattling as a cottage industry for Koreans [by Madman Returns]
If you have to say it so often... [by Mark My Words]
Facelift [by Sed Vitae]
About Madman's Boobs for Troops [by Madman Returns]
Hunger Strike Progress Report [by Conservative Cat]
The Knuckleheads of the Day award [by The Florida Masochist]
Connections between the “Axis of Evil” [by Assorted Babble by Suzie]
HollySmut and a Sick JudgE [by Woman Honor Thyself]
Michelle Malkin - Cruella de Blog [by Planck's Constant]
The Inspector 'That Knew Too Much' [by 123beta]
Bombs For North Korea With My Name On Them [by Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots]

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Posted by Samantha at 11:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Some of these are only slightly tacky, but the others are pretty neat.

Here are some "Art" Illusions.

What's with all the women's faces, though? Doesn't anyone have any originality?

The woman's face made of horses kind of has a seven o'clock shadow, eh.

I sort of like the last, slightly morbid one, though.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

And, ha ha, I don't mean mine.

I mean go to Everything Smells to find everything you want to know about smelling, and you can buy some junk there, too.

Read the smelly facts to learn about your olfactory.

But, all in all, I'd prefer to find a site that provides us with more "unique" scents: say soiled underwear, sweaty armpits, and vomit.

Best I could do was find this site full of odd sex practices.

AXILLISM
using the armpit for sex

MYSOPHILIA
arousal from handling soiled underwear, foul odors, or filthy surroundings

EMETOPHILIA
arousal from vomit or vomiting

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Pepé Le Penguin [by Diane's Stuff]

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I recently received this email, my first hate mail if you don't count True Blue's trying to turn me into a leftist hippy ultra-feminist.

Ya, blogging for nearly a year, and this is the extent of my hate mail. Pretty lame hate mail if you ask me, too.

Subject Heading: get a life, Canuck
Following culled from your humorous blog.
if you aren't offending by something
mostly humours angles on stories
You have a major in what? Do you even know who Cathy Sheehan is? Just how ignorant are you anyhow? I love it when the currently young verbally dump on the older than them. It's extra funny when a woman does it, of course. When women are young and firm and (in some cases) pretty they're on top of the world. Give it a few years. Then see what happens. It's funny, but sad, too. Hasslewhatever is an asshole, sure, but is it funny to slam him? I can't think of a greater waste of time with the exception of what I'm doing right now.

What the frick does "if you aren't offending by something, mostly humours angles on stories" mean? You speaka' da h'English? I can only interpret what you wrote to mean something about most of my articles are humourous, which I find them to be and don't give a d*mn if others do or don't. Fortunately, I have an amazing network of readers who do think the same as me, and I appreciate that greatly.

Second, no, I don't know who Cathy Sheehan is; I know who Cindy Sheehan is, however, and she is exactly the bullsh*t artist that many consider her to be.

Get your names correct if you want to whine about my blogging.

Third, I'm not exactly young. I've been through the youthful ignorance stage, and perhaps I'm setting myself up here for a slam, but I know I'm beyond that now. And, I'm going to be d*mn fine well into my 80's, thank you very much, because although I'm smokin' physically, my intelligence is the most sexiest - if I do say so myself - and that will be with me for a long time to come!

Sounds to me like you're going through some sort of gender/aging crisis since you mention it frequently, but that's just my assessment.

Finally, I don't know if Hasselhoff's an a$$hole like you claim, but he sets himself up as a douchebag to be poked fun of. Even Adam Sandler thrills at beating the cr*p out of jiggly-boobed Hoff in Click (which, yay, I got to see finally - where was the "you can do eet!" Rob Schneider comment. I missed it if they had it.) :-(

I think the funniest part of it is that I researched the name of the emailer, and it appears the person has left similar bull on other sites, stating that s/he doesn't know why s/he's wasting time commenting.

So don't, you fool! What's the bloody point? To be annoying and waste our time reading your drivel? Don't bother coming to read my blog if you don't agree with it; it certainly won't hurt my feelings any if you f*ck off.

Oh well, if anything, you gave me an article out of it all, anyhow. Glad I got it, too, since Lostinlimaohio hasn't been able to write for me in a while. So, I guess I can appreciate that about the sniveling story sent to me.

Previous/Related: Update On Proudly WoMan, I'm Proud To Be A WomAn!

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Congratulations Dave Munger for taking the win from Dragonlady's World and for knowing that this week's moron is Thom Yorke.

Woo hoo, Dave of The Hand of Munger, that was a tough one.

For those unaware, and will probably regret learning, Thom Yorke is the moody (or perhaps constipated) lead singer for Radiohead, a British pop music group. Radiohead is best known for a recent ablum, "Hail To The Thief", which many believe was an anti-American reference to the United States 2000 elections.

Yorke also blurts out a lot about environ-mental issues and anti-war propaganda.

But, here's one way he attempts to beat the criticism before it gets to you.

"Yorke is a vocal ambassador for the charity Friends Of The Earth, but admits he isn't "flawless", since big concerts, tours and festivals rely on fossil fuel and create tons of unrecyclable waste.

That stresses me out, because I am a hypocrite. As we all are."

And, unfortunately for this moron, his admittance doesn't work because he still chooses to go on tour and burn all that gas.

If you were truly an environmental wackjob (and not just a wackjob) you'd decide touring wasn't necessary.

It would do us all a favour, too, not having to watch you on stage whining and complaining to the naive youth.

An example of Yorke's griping and complaining is against his PM, Tony Blair.

Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke has slammed British Prime Minister Tony Blair for his lack of integrity, and refuses to meet him to discuss his climate change campaign. The crusading rocker, an ambassador for environmental group Friends of the Earth, feels let down by his leader's lack of "environmental credentials" and believes any talks to cut greenhouse gas emissions would be futile.

And, when it comes to his anti-war complaints, he's the leader of the pack.

By speaking out, Yorke says he intends "to make Blair squirm over his decision to take us into an illegitimate war (in Iraq) and follow this religious lunatic [US president Bush] toward a dangerous future for the whole planet".

I'm afraid the only chance to rid our world of chaos, madness, and death, as well as Hilter-type dictators is by standing up to them and up for ourselves.

Besides, I'm sure neither Blair or Bush care what you think or do, anyhow.

However, Yorke won't stop there:

Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke has called for the band's fans to join him in a protest against George w Bush's controversial Star Wars programme.

What are you, a fan of dicatorship or something to want the loonies to control the world, and wipe it out?

But, as you know by now, Yorke is a singer, and singing is what he claims to do best.

I have my doubts, especially after reading what he has to say about his own music:

Moody rocker Thom Yorke of Radiohead never listens to the band's records - because they make him cringe.

"Every time I hear them it makes me feel ill and I have to stop."

I'm glad you said it because the feeling's mutual.

Stop singing!

You suck, AND you know it.

But boy, is Yorke ever going to have one messed up kid after he reads this article. Yorke

...thinks people should have warned him about parenthood more.

He says, "What happens is, before you become a dad, people take you by the shoulder and tell you it's gonna change your life. And you're like, 'Oh, really?'

"But what they should be doing is grabbing the back of your head, pummeling it against the wall and telling you, 'Its! Gonna! Change! Your f***ing life! Forever!'"

F-ing 'tard. How stupid do you have to be to not know that raising kids can be hell and heaven at the same time.

By the way, I'm sure banging your head against a wall wouldn't help it sink in anyhow. Doesn't seem like there's much there to bang.

And, Yorke shows more of his moron side as he discusses his disgust for ticket scalpers.

Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke is urging touts selling tickets for Friends Of The Earth's The Big Ask Live concert to donate profits to the charity. The JUST hitmaker is appalled by the number of tickets that have appeared at inflated prices on auction website eBay.co.uk, and is appealing to sellers to do the right thing and make a contribution to the cause.

What a f-ing idiot.

Gee, I'm doing a criminal act, so I think I'll give the money away.

Tardius Maximus.

And, in his latest music release,

Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke reckons people read too much into his lyrics - many even think new album Hail to the Thief is anti-American.

Because you're full of sh*t, that's why, you anti-American tool.

But, as moronic as his words are, he claims that his band is no one's 'weird uncle', and wonders why record companies treat the group with disdain:

"We tried desperately to be normal and fit in and win friends and influence people and all that sort of thing - not at all; they still thought we were weird. I was really cheesed off that we were being confined to the weird uncle dustbin."

Why don't you get so cheesed off about it that you head for retirement from the public eye?

And, I'm sure record companies don't want you 'cause they know you stink. You're just learning the truth now.

And, when they're not griping about their recording companies and executives, the band apparently says nothing at all:

Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke is concerned fans will be disappointed if they know what his band really talk about in private - because they don't say anything at all.

A silent Radiohead.

Now there's a dream come true.

You know, I must admit that I feel a tad sympathetic for Yorke, though, after learning that he lost the World's Sexiest Vegetarian awards to singer, Prince.

Lost to Prince (or symbol, or squiggly lines, or whatever he is now).

Got to be a real big loser to lose to Prince, eh, even if it is just a vegetarian award.

Definately worthy of the moron title.

Perhaps the reason he lost had to do with his admittance that he's no Bono when it comes to his enviro-stance:

"...the difference between me and Bono is that he's quite happy to go and flatter people to get what he wants and he's very good at it, but I just can't do it. I'd probably end up punching them in the face rather than shaking their hand, so it's best that I stay out of their way. I can't engage with that level of bullshit."

But, I'll tell you what is smart, and that's ending this article before I feel the desire to punch you out myself.

PS - your wannabe punk look doesn't go with your pussy enviro-weeny stance. Drop the charade.

Congratulations again to Dave Munger for the win.

Some open trackbacks: Macbro's Place, Comedian Jenee, Woman Honor Thyself, Conservative Cat, imaginekitty

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Friday Round-Up and Retrospective of Cruddy PhotoS [by Dan Mancini]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (23)

If two or more sheep are called "sheep", then why isn't one sheep called a shep?

Previous/Related: Of Mooses and Chickens...

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I'll Hassel the Hoff all the f*ck that I want to.

I think... I think Regis Philbin, William Shatner, and David Hasselhoff were all separated at birth. They are all the weirdest old farts alive.

Here is a new video of David Hasselhoff with the second love of his life, Kit. First love, of course, is himself.

Makes sense that the girls are all grossed out by him in the video.

And, what was that they said, something about them knowing he's gay?

Oh, no, they said game. My mistake, but you can see how I got confused.

Previous/Related: Bah-Hahahaha, I'm hooked on a feeling

UPDATE: MR.BIG thought I should put a warning on these, so warning, may cause involuntary retching in the form of nausea, loathing, and the possibility of vomiting up a little.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
If you're not sick yet... [by Shadowscope]

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I wouldn't think any man would complain about a 10 year erection, but someone has:

A former Rhode Island handyman won more than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a penile implant that gave him a 10-year erection.

Charles Lennon's attorney added,

"He's not a whole person."

In his defense, he argues that he

cannot have the implant removed because of health problems, including open-heart surgery, his lawyer said. Impotence drugs could not help Lennon even if he were able to have the device taken out, because tissue had be to removed for it to be implanted.

Quit your b*tchin' mellonhead.

At least you're permanently "ready" for anything.

Lol.

Some open trackbacks: customerservant.com, The Dumb Ox, Conservative Cat, TMH's Bacon Bits, Liberal Common Sense, imaginekitty

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
This one’s hard to believe [by Larry Hnetka Goes HMmmm]

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

In the spirit of copying the sh*t out of PETA, we here at PERV have created a nearly identical version of their letter to the Wisconsin Department of Health and Family Services.

An open letter to the Organic Consumer's Association.

Dear Veggie-Eating Supporters:

People for the Ethical Rights of Vegetables (PERV) is an intergalactic all-for-profit organisation with at least two members, probably more, dedicated to the protection of vegetables (and to a lesser extent, fruit).

As you are probably aware, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), studies the health risks associated with vegetables, fruit, and other edibles. That has nothing to do with this letter.

This letter is to respectfully suggest that the OCA issue a public heath advisory urging citizens to avoid the health risks associated with organic vegetables by steering clear of these markets altogether. Eating vegetables can raise energy levels to what some might call, dangerous extremes. Veggie eating on a regular basis can also improve the immune system in people, which sounds nice, but can be hazardous. If the human immune system is strong, it is not able to take in germs and viruses, which means it would have nothing to fight. I question, is this fair to the human immune system?

The problem that we are coming to you with is that the public is not aware of these dangers, and we feel it is your responsibility to bring awareness to the public on these matters.

Further, the public is not completely aware of the absolute horrid taste of vegetables. It's not just the smell. So, even if you plug your nose, you are not assured that you will avoid the disgust of eating veggies. It is not realistic to expect families visiting farmers' markets and grocers to practice the degree of food selectiveness necessary to ensure that no vegetables are bought.

Vegetables used in mobile fruit stands are subjected to the rigors of travel, confinement, and often mishandling. Restricted to small boxes, these vegetables are given little rest from continuously excited and often unintentionally rough purchasers. Because many of the vegetables used in fruit stands are relatively cheap and therefore easily replaceable, some sellers don't even provide veggie massage therapy. And, at the end of the season, vegetables are often sent to slaughter and decomposition.

I have attached nothing, which details the health hazards of farmers' markets for your review. May we meet with you to discuss this matter further? Thank you for your time and attention to this completely farcical matter.

Yours truly,

Samantha Burns

Vegetables in Jeopardy Specialist
Captive Veggies and Salable Issues Department

All previous PERV posts.
To join PERV, sign here.

Thanks to VP PERV Diane's Stuff for the logo.

Some open trackbacks: TMH's Bacon Bits, imaginekitty, The Dumb Ox, Conservative Cat

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Posted by Samantha at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

*shudder*

Apparently, Sheehan loves Hugo Chavez.

The Sheehag has stated that she'd rather live under Chavez rather than Bush.

I say go for it!

And, I promise we won't miss you either.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Thursday Round-Up [by 123beta]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Searching the net, I found this yearly competition called Harrisand.

At Harrison Hot Springs, somewhat near where I leave, they have sand sculture competitions. They also have them in White Rock, so if I can get to any of them this year, I'll be sure to take some photos of the stuff for you all.

Until then, you'll have to settle for the pictures at that website. Many of them are quite good.

If I do, in fact, get to one of those exhibitions, I'll decidedly create my own version, which I'm sure will be fantastic and award winning (lol - translation: it'll be cr*ptacular).

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink

I recently wrote an article about this seemingly money-making scam art, and it was linked by Reformed Chicks Blabbing, which I appreciate very much.

What I thought was cool was a link that one of the RCB commenters shared on mathematical photography that is being portrayed as art.

H*ll, I can write, or photograph, a bunch of frickin' numbers/mathematical problems on a canvas, give it a title, and sell it as art, too, but I don't because it's NOT ART!

Not in my opinion, anyhow.

Maybe it's just my dislike of math speaking, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Each of these has one name that has actually been used by some stripper. I've merely added to their names to make them less than adequate.

1. Dirty Skivies

2. Sugar Rot

3. Crusty Peaches

4. Titti Sags

5. Bunny Guts

6. Bambi Shooter

7. Belle Hop

8. Fart Breeze

9. Dead Mink

10. Zirconia (rather than Diamond)

Got any of your own to share with us?

You might also want to check out Just A Girl's site where they are discussing stripper names and where people's names originate.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Apparently, a 21 year old doofus insulted the judicial system in the US when he falsified retarded information on his jury duty form.

He wrote that he was on heroin and that he had killed a person:

Ratliffe filled out a questionnaire form for potential jurors and professed to having a "bad jonesin' for heroin." When asked if he had ever fired a weapon, he wrote, "Yes. I killed someone with it, of course. Right."

Ratliffe doesn't believe in the death penalty and wanted to be excused from the trial, said his attorney, Scott Weisman.

You know, if he would have just waited it out and filled out the form correctly, he probably wouldn't have even been selected in the first place because he was so young.

But, what I also think is stupid, is that the judge dismissed the kid's charges against him, and added,

"He didn't try to defend his responses, and he lied under oath and he was insubordinate," said Lynch, who ultimately removed Ratliffe from the jury pool and dismissed the charges against him. "You do not make a mockery of the process."

That if you lie to the courts and are insubordinate, you can get away with anything?

The kid got exactly what he wanted; he got out of jury duty, and all he had to pay for that was a night in a local jail.

Boo hoo.

Talk about rough justice!

Tar and feather him, that's what I say (a process that once befell those who were considered insufficiently patriotic). Sounds appropriate, don't it?

Some open trackbacks: third world county, The Dumb Ox, imaginekitty, Conservative Cat

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Think non-USA. This one could possibly be considered a moonbat of the music world: very annoying.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Here is a site with some funny bumper sticker sayings.

I'm partial to "So Many Pedestrians....So Little Time".

These are also a couple of funny ones:

(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep) If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Try this quiz to find out what type of funny you are.

This is my result:

the Idiot Savant
(47% dark, 42% spontaneous, 68% vulgar)

your humor style:VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT
You like things silly, immediate, and, above all, outrageous. Ixne on the subtle word play, more testicles on fire, please. People like you are the most likely to RECEIVE internet forwards--and also the most likely to save them in a special folder entitled 'HOLY SHIT'.
Because it's so easily appreciated, and often wacky and physical, your sense of humor never ceases to amuse your friends. Most realize that there's a sly intelligence and a knowing wink to your tastes. Your sense of humor could be called 'anti-pretentious'--but paradoxically enough, that indicates you're smarter than most.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Johnny Knoxville - Jimmy Kimmel.

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test

Well, I do like subtle word play when it's done right, and I hate those email forwards even though my friends keep sending them my way. But, I'd have to say "yes" to the rest. Although, I think Jimmy Kimmel pretty much stinks, but thought Johnny Knoxville was pretty good in The Ringer.

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Posted by Samantha at 02:51 PM | Permalink

This is cool, but I'm not sure how well it works.

If you see anything in mine, let me know because I don't see it.

While there, you can also create your own for your site.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I wish that were true, I'd start smoking just to try to quit, lol.

But, anyhow, this is the strategy of a zoo in China to get their chimp, Xiku, to quit chain-smoking.

XIKU the chain-smoking chimpanzee has almost kicked his deadly habit thanks to the efforts of zoo keepers in China, but it has taken a beer or two to help get him through detox.

It's just a little pointless.

I've also written about alcoholic chimps.

What the frick is the problem with some zookeepers? Get the chimp off one vice and onto another?

How is moving from lung cancer to liver failure a solution to the problem?

I still agree with Dragonlady's World that all they have to do is stop providing the problems to the animals, and they'll have no choice, but to quit.

And, if that fails, provide the chimps with animal psychology: Is Jane Goodall still around?

Lol. A$$clowns!

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Why didn't they just call it Superman IV, or XVI, or whatever the heck number they're at now?

But, that's besides the point.

Yes, I saw the movie.

And, all I can say is that after watching it: I have a hankerin' for some White Castle.

(lol, some of you may get that, some not - just thought I'd share)

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Posted by Samantha at 07:03 AM | Permalink

Some open trackbacks today: imaginekitty, The Dumb Ox, Conservative Cat, Common Folk Using Common Sense

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
I know where Osama Bin Laden is hiding [by Planck's Constant]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

To my neighbours down South, enjoy the fireworks

... and have a happy day!

I'll be drinking for the lot of ya.

You know, in support.

Ya... support.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
INDEPENDANCE DAY OPEN POST [by Freedom Watch]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Well, you know about Nacho Libre, but now you can play Nacho Kung-Fu.

That really does look like Jack Black, doesn't it?

My score 122,100.

Don't ask why it says Kung-Fu, though, I don't get it.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

... and, all the boys of the United States breathe a sigh of relief.

Michael Jackson is moving to Europe.

That's right, any child in the US under 12 can unclench their buttocks as Wacko Jacko contemplates a major move after his business affairs take a dive.

I'm just glad Canada isn't a comforting retreat to that scary monster.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

It seems Stanislaus County in Patterson, California has a little bird flipper on their hands.

Little 4 year old, Matthew Burgos, apparently fingered a crowd at the county Apricot festival, and now he's being stripped of his Mr. Apricot crown.

Good grief, he's frickin' 4 YEARS OLD!

He probably doesn't even know what the f*ck he did; he's just imitating an action he saw some adult do. And, they're going to take a crown away from a frickin' 4 year old for doing something insignificant like that.

Imbeciles.

They deserved being flipped off, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Thanks again Jim for sending these funny, but true news bits.

A 5-year-old boy in Broward County, Fla., preparing to enter kindergarten, is believed by gender-identity experts to be the youngest kid in the country whose family supports his decision to live completely as the other sex (according to a May profile in New Times Broward-Palm Beach). The parents doubt that the unnamed now-girl (dubbed "Nicole Anderson" in the article) is "just going through a phase," because of "her" early, constant, and insistent female preferences and comments, e.g., "I want the fairy princess to come and make my penis into a vagina." [New Times Broward- Palm Beach, 5-18-06]

You know, I know some 5 year olds who want to be astronauts; should we send them into space, too?

A British government agency recently decided to spend the equivalent of $33 million over 10 years to encourage women and minorities to become fishermen (or fisherwomen) because too many anglers are white, male and middle-aged; a Welsh pilot project, for example, teaches Muslim women and children to fish for trout. [UPI, 4-2-06]

Teach a woman to fish by having her nag the fish to death (oooo, burn on my own gender, for shame Sam, for shame)

Ernest G. Johnson, 42, was arrested in Shreveport, La., in May after he, posing as an insurance company employee, roamed the corridors at LSU Hospital seeking to photograph women wearing casts. Said a police detective, "It's like all he wants is to be in the presence of a woman with a cast on and have her attention." [KTBS-TV (Shreveport), 5-22-06]

Maybe that's the only way he can get a date - if they're incapacitated.

And in April in Wausau, Wis., Thomas Vogedes, 58, was sentenced to six months' probation for incidents in which he hung dozens of bras and panties (new and used) from car mirrors and videotaped them. [Wausau Daily Herald, 4- 5-06]

Uhhhh... okay.

They're going to have to start making up names for all these new sexual fetishes; society seems to be getting really nuts.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Dragonlady's World has done it again. Stealing the throne from Kerrigan who was mere hours away from guessing correctly.

Congrats Dragonlady's World. And, to everyone, this one may be very difficult to guess, so think beyond my usual. I've got a feeling I'll be giving away a mid-week hint unless someone out there really knows their morons.

Good luck to everyone.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your right is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)

For those who missed it, Those Bastards brought word of Eddie Griffin (NBA Minnesota Timberwolves) and his run-in with the law. Apparently, Griffin was participating in a very special sort of non-spectator sport when he allegedly plowed into another vehicle.

Yes, I do believe it takes one heck of a remarkably hidden talent to not only drink and drive, but to also watch porn and masterbate, all at the same time.

Uh... no wonder he crashed.

I bet that took more strategy, determination, and maneuvering than his whole basketball career did. Too bad you can't get a college scholarship for that one; our schools would be full.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)