The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

I read one of those "no sh*t" articles recently about bad eating habits, and I thought I'd make one of my own.

The original article mentioned 7 eating styles that make people overweight, but my 7 are going to be 7 "no kidding they're bad for you" foods and why they're bad.

In no particular order:

1. Supersized fat food, I mean fast food: there's nothing like overindulging in week old, soaking in grease, giganta-fries and burgers to get that heart thumping. Sure you thought the pounding of the heart was your love for those greaseball burgers (thanks Denis Leary for that one), but instead, it's the last thump you'll ever hear as you gasp your last breath of life.

2. Chocolate Bars - diabetes? Bah, who cares. I don't need my health anyhow as long as I have those sweet, sweet bars. And, to really get the shakes, don't bother going for one or two, heck eat a box full.

3. Butter - I'm not talking a little butter on your bread, I'm talking a big, honkin' slab of the slimy stuff - BY ITSELF. There's nothing yummier than clamping down on that huge chunk of butter in the morning and letting it slide bulbously down your throat. You know you want it, but to have it would be like begging for a clogged artery, not to mention getting the scoots.

4. Motor Oil - another nasty habit of yours? It smells good, it tastes good, but is it good for you? My answer: no.

5. Broccoli - yes, they keep telling us that broccoli is good for us, but is it really? First off, as a PERV, I've got to completely stand up against the eating of these vegetables (and all veggies). Second of all, how can anything that bad possibly be good for you? So far, I'm not convinced of the scientific research on this topic.

6. They also say that nuts are good for you in moderation, but I say you've got to be nuts to eat nuts.

7. Battered foods - stop food abuse - nobody and nothing deserves to be battered. We need to create a home for battered fish sticks, cheese sticks, and the like. Oh ya, and the grease isn't good for you, either.

So, there you have it. The 7 "no kidding, eh" bad for you foods.