The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Sounds like a typical night out on the town, eh?

In Waupun, Wis., in June, a 36-year-old man filed a police complaint against a female bartender at the Alcatraz Pub because she injured him by aggressively nuzzling him to her bosom during horseplay at the bar. [Fond du Lac Reporter, 6-19-06]

My only conclusion is he must have been gay. I see no other reason for the complaint, unless, of course, she's a rich bartender and he knew it and now he's trying to get a little of her wealth. But, rich bartender? I doubt it.

Speaking to an international medical meeting in Prague in June, Israeli fertility doctor Shevach Friedler said his research team had found that women exposed to brief entertainment by clowns were successful at in-vitro fertilization at almost twice the rate of women who had no clown exposure. Friedler, who is also a trained mime, attributed the difference to greater stress reduction. [MSNBC-Reuters, 6-21-06]

What in the world was this doctor on to even THINK to use clowns in his research? Must have been a The Simpsons fan.

Joseph Weir, 23, who confessed to New York City police in May to forcibly licking the feet of as many as 70 women, said he didn't mean to hurt anyone but just wanted "to make them laugh and smile and open to talk to me." "I get on my knees, grab their feet and bow," he said (according to a New York Post story). "I compliment women, I bow to them." [New York Post, 5-11-06]

Hey, you know what might also make someone laugh: tell a funny joke. But, whatever, licking feet might work too.

The Supreme Court of Canada affirmed in June that a woman divorced seven years ago is still so fragile from her husband's leaving her that she should continue to get spousal support (in spite of Canada's no-fault divorce law). [Globe and Mail-Canadian Press, 6-20-06]

"Oh whoa is me, I have no life, so much so that I have to dwell on something that happened 7 years ago." Man, for her to even try to get more money off an ex after 7 years suggests that she really is stuck in the past and perhaps even detests him that much to this day. Lady, move on! Let me guess - HE divorced YOU. And, I'm also guessing he was brilliant to do so.

This has been more great news submitted by Jim. Thanks Jim.