The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

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Posted by Samantha at 08:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Check out the Care Bears as you've never seen them before.

Care Bear Cousins Suck!

Hooray for murder.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink

This is possibly the one and only time burning the US flag is funny.

Lol, burn the dragon and the dragon burns back.

And, here is an illusion puzzle that only men can play.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Nice toque, moron.

Here's The Simpsons Vs. Star Trek

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Congratulations, c.a. marks, for knowing that Michael Moore is probably the BIGGEST moron alive.

Way to go c.a. marks for knowing it and winning the throne.

Clearly, Moore is a moron, and I'm sure I really need not write about him because that's common knowledge.

Right?

Well, there are still some dolts who follow his garbage spewing "documentaries" and preachings. Don't ask me why.

But, anyhow, before I get started on the discussion, I just wanted to share this with you...

Clip taken from the dictionary?

That about sums up this week's moron folks. (Idea for the dictionary clipping á la The Simpsons)

Although we know Moore (unfortunately) from other "documentaries" and movies that he's pulled out of his a$$ - like Roger And Me and Canadian Bacon, etc. - we know him mostly these days from his controversial film Fahrenheit 9/11 and his anti-American propaganda.

But, let's not forget the blatant disregard for all facts and logic, or his continuous lies and deceit.

Moore's style has come under fire from those who claim that when making his films, he unfairly edits and re-sequences events in order to twist or misrepresent the words of his targets or interviewees.

For instance, he will take an image... let's say, in this instance, a photo of Moore himself. And, he will use that image along with another image to send you a message about that person or thing (in this case, "thing"). The secondary image in this instance is Maggie Simpson.

And, voila! You have yourself a message that implies something about the initial image.

Michael Moore Sucks!

His messages, of course, are much more politically charged, and his messages are all lies, whereas my message here is reality.

Anyhow, I'm just having a little fun because I really despise Moore and am so sick of reading about this piece of sh*t on forever buckling legs.

Moore's films are so obviously anti-American, and anti-freedom, that even terrorist organisations are using them to promote their propaganda:

At one point, the [Iraqi militant] documentary cuts to a scene from Moore's 2004 award-winning film where he lobbies on the steps of the U.S. Congress in Washington.

"After all, there are honest and influential guys in America and if Mr Moore can talk to you like that, so can I," the Rashedeen narrator says.

There he was, OBL, all tan and rested and on videotape (hey, did you get the feeling that he had a bootleg of my movie? Are there DVD players in those caves in Afghanistan?)

Appalling.

And, the 'tards don't seem to even realise that if those murderers won, people like Moore would be killed for making "documentaries" attacking a leader.

Duh, duh, duh.

Further, when it came to the September 11th attacks, Michael "The Moron" Moore blurted out the next day,

"Many families have been devastated tonight. This just is not right. They did not deserve to die. If someone did this to get back at Bush, then they did so by killing thousands of people who did not vote for him! Boston, New York, DC, and the planes' destination of California — these were places that voted against Bush!"

So, that bullsh*t spewing of yours is a nice little fable there.

Plus, it has been said many times that Moore was implying that an attack on "areas that had voted for Bush would have been justifiable".

F*cknut.

You're as sick as some other morons we've seen on this blog.

You know, I'd praise the day that I'd have to shut down the Moron of the Week due to a lack of morons - unfortunately, that's just never going to happen with dolts like them taking the stage.

And, speaking of stupidity, Moore cannot be forgotten for claiming to be Canada's friend when he gripes about how we were planning on electing a sensible, I mean Conservative government.

"Oh, Canada -- you're not really going to elect a Conservative majority on Monday, are you? That's a joke, right? I know you have a great sense of humor, ... but this is no longer funny.

Far be it from me, as an American, to suggest what you should do," he added. "I hope you don't feel this appeal of mine is too intrusive, but I just couldn't sit by, as your friend, and say nothing."

Who are you to reduce this country to a single identity, anyhow? We are as diverse as the millions of people who live up here, you tool.

And, I would hope that no proud Canuck would follow in your terror-supporting footsteps. Moore is quoted:

The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not 'insurgents' or 'terrorists' or 'The Enemy.' They are the revolution, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow - and they will win.

But, all-in-all, I guess I can just be thankful that you are definitely not Canadian.

*PHEW*

To further pour salt in US wounds, Moore has stated,

There's a gullible side to the American people. They can be easily misled.

Well, it's time to go. I've really had enough.

It's all I can stands; I can't stands no more.

But, I want to end with this little bit of hypocrisy. As deceivingly anti-gun toting as Moore is, I find it quite funny how his bodyguard was arrested for carrying an unlicensed weapon at an airport.

Police took Patrick Burke, who says Moore employs him, into custody after he declared he was carrying a firearm at a ticket counter.

Anyhow, nice job, c.a. marks, for getting this moron correct.

More on the Mooron - because I just can't continue - THERE'S TOO MUCH MORONITY WHEN IT COMES TO MICHAEL MOORE:
Michael Moore - The Making of America -
I pity this guy
Chew on this: Michael Moore Political Pet Toy
Moore Whine!
Boycott Michael Moore
al qaeda's secret weapon: the dirty, fat, stupid bomb
Fahrenhype 9/11
Sheehan Announces Hunger Strike, Michael Moore Strangely Silent
Moore Exposed
Unfairenheit 9/11: The lies of Michael Moore.
Moore Lies
Moorewatch
One Moore stupid white man
Ray Bradbury rips Michael Moore: 'Fahrenheit 451' author says filmmaker stole his title for Bush-bash
BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE: Documentary or Fiction?
Bowling for Fallujah
Michael Moore: Treacherous Traitor
Spider-Man 2 Conspires to Silence Michael Moore
Stereotyping is Wrong! Except When It’s Not…
Michael Moore Withholding Information
Moore quotes
Michael Moore Wins Stupid Person of the Year Award
What's Moore up to this time?
Marine who appeared in `Fahrenheit 9/11' killed in Iraq
Michael Moore Exposed!
Moore quotes, again
Warning: may be somewhat graphic for some, Michael Moore on Terrorism
Michael Moore Hates America Clip 3
Michael Moore Accepts The Oscar In 2003
Michael Moore and his Best Friend

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Moron of the Week [by c.a. Marks]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

If you missed it, The Ten O'Clock Scholar explained male fantasies a bit for us in a previous article commentary regarding a man on man photoshop job, and I was just wondering if other guys concur with this notion.

Though speaking as a man, I don't think women fantasize about man-on-man action; I think the photoshopper was just having fun turning the tables on the standard male fantasy of girl/girl.

Now, you might ask, what's up with that? The simple answer is it's the next stage of voyeurism: seeing not just naked women, but people having sex! Making them both female however avoids having to see some hairy dude, and protects the viewer from any accusations of latent male homosexuality.

While I'm at it, I'll also explain the "twins" fetish for ya! Of course, if one woman is good, two are better -- double everything! Hence the standard "I want two women" fantasy. But, one woman is complicated, so two are even harder to understand and relate to. What to do? Aha! Twins! It's ONE woman, with TWO bodies! Problem solved!

The icky fact that they are really sisters is mentally suppressed; they are simply thought of as a single entity.

See how the male mind works?

You're probably sorry now! :-)

;-D

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Posted by Samantha at 05:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Once again, here is an article reproduced from my lifesaver, 123beta's place.

There's only a bit of time left, folks.

Summertime is here... Vacations are in-line

Here's one way to mess with your co-worker(s) while they're on vacation:

Please feel free to add your own in the comments section....

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We all know that the US Mexican immigration issue is a hot topic these days, but I think they might be going to the extreme just a little bit when a GEOGRAPHY teacher is coerced into taking down his classroom flags.

The principal claimed he insisted the teacher take down the flags (Mexican, as well as other countries' flags) or be suspended.

The teacher opted for the suspension.

Good on ya!

What pathetic world does one live in when they can't teach geography or display something as geographically relevant as a foreign flag.

The principal stated that he feared the 7th Grade students would organise a protest.

Hey, "mister no-balls" principal, try using some common sense and supporting your teachers for once.

And, you wonder why teachers feel so disenfranchised these days.

Oh, and while you're at it, "Mr. No-Balls", try standing up to those 12 year olds and letting them know there will be consequences if they choose to protest.

Can you do that, or does that go against your "bend over and take it up the butt" approach to student discipline?

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This post submitted by Lostinlimaohio, and not approved by Sam.... at all, in any way.

I've been hearing a lot of complaining about the price of gas lately. I really can't say that I understand any of it, because personally I've noticed that despite the so called "rise in gas prices" it still costs me the same to fill up my tank as it did five years ago. In fact, by sending my husband to do it, I not only haven't had to experience the raise in costs, but I also haven't had to deal with that "just put gas in the car" smell on my hands.

So, because I have had the luckiness of marrying someone who is willing to pump gas for me, I really had no idea what the rest of you have been going through.... at least not until today. In fact, today my eyes were completely opened up to the problem that so many of you are facing, and I feel for you all.

It seems that gas prices have gotten so bad, people are having to make the most difficult choice in the world, which is probably also the most important choice they will ever have to make:

Put gas in the car, or have sex with a hooker.

That's right people. The cost of gas has gotten so incredibly high that some of us are having to give up sex with hookers just to be able to fill up our tanks.

Now, before you start scrambling to count the money in your wallets, and checking the gas gauge on your car against other gauges- you should know that there is help out there. Yes, there is a way for you to manage to have both gas in your car, and a hooker in your bed- all thanks to a brothel in Sydney.

Australian brothels are offering clients discounts based on their gas bills. [...] "If you come in and spend time with one of our lovely ladies, we'll give you a discount of 20 cents a liter," Kerry, manager of Sydney brothel The Site, told Reuters Wednesday. [...] Once you've filled up your car, bring your receipt to the brothel and they'll discount the price of your visit.

That's right folks, you can still afford to fill one tank and empty another. Never again will you have to face the tough decision of whether you should get laid or get gas.

This post submitted by Lostinlimaohio, with many apologies to Sam.

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Blogrolling 2006-08-31 [by basil's blog]

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Posted by lostinlimaohio at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I scream, you scream, we all scream for squid ice cream.

Here is a list of 10 Things To Make You Want to Puke.

Although, I could see pearl lollipops becoming a stupid Hollyweird trend.

But, I never thought I'd be disgusted by sausage.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If women ruled.

I don't get the Maxim one, though. Is it typical for women to fantasize about man on man scenarios? I don't, but maybe I'm the exception???

Here's a little Canuckistani pride: If Canadians ruled

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Another great one from 123beta.

Test tube meat.

...er, not.

Okay, I may be a meatatarian, but this might just be going too far.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Committees of Correspondence has done it again, with some excellent coverage of the Global Warming "Crisis" and the realities of Natural Cycles.

Unfortunately, I think those who need to read this article the most are also those who are too dumb to comprehend the message in the first place.

Well worth the read, though, as always.

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Posted by Samantha at 07:00 AM | Permalink

Hugs to 123beta for helping me out and allowing me to reproduce his stuff here while I'm away.

That's right. It turns out that President Bush's highly successful tax-cuts, that have significantly benefitted the national economy, were originally intended to help Ann Coulter conquer welfare recipients! At least, that's according to The George W. Bush Conspiracy Theory Generator.

No longer do we have to wait for the next tin-foil hat convention to find out the newest conspiracy theory about President Bush. Now, sophisticated technology allows anyone to come up with their own conspiracy using the same randomness and incoherence as can be found in downtown Berkeley or Ward Churchill's classroom. Don't be the last to find out that "George W. Bush had Michael Jackson arrested so that Rush Limbaugh and big corporations could kill Al Franken". Hurry up and get on over to The George W. Bush Conspiracy Theory Generator, and speak truth to power.

Thanks again, Butch.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The chick with the attitude is quite funny.

Put on a Happy Face

I guess you don't have to be too upset that you're heading to jail, eh.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

You may think this is cool, but this is similar to the kind of sh*t us Canadian kids had to watch in between Saturday morning cartoons.

Part of the National Film Board of Canada's move toward promoting Canadian content and culture.

Here's a claymation video.

Here's a popular animation from Canada The Cat Came Back.

But, this is probably the most popular, and still favourite, animation in Canadian Vignettes: The Log Driver's Waltz.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink

This won't help...

H/T This bit of boredom funny comes from 123beta who found it at Finestkind Clinic and Fish Market's place.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Although I'm away from the computer, somehow I managed to reproduce (steal) the following article from 123beta. Okay, he gave me permission, but it looks more rebellious if I say "steal".

Ya, I'm a punk a$$.

I have no idea if the following quotes are real or not but they're funny...

'I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

'The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible'.
--George Burns

'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year'.
--Victor Borge

'I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury'.
--Groucho Marx

'I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back'.
--Zsa Zsa Gabor

'Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat'.
--Alex Levine

'Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP'.
--Joe Namath

'I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap'.
--Bob Hope

'I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it'.
--W.C. Fields

'Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you'.
--Winston Churchill

'By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
--Billy Crystal

AND my favorite:

'Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
--Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

Much appreciated, Butch.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I've never seen so many darn balloons all at one time.

Check out the Homer Simpson and motorcycle balloons.

Pretty cool.

Of course, the site wouldn't be complete without a toilet balloon.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The Simpsons

I swear I didn't manipulate the answers to get this outcome.

Okay, maybe I did just a little. I originally got Bromwell High, but haven't seen it to know what it is, so I tried again.

(click the image to take the quiz)

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
For my childrens' enjoyment... [by DragonLady's World]

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Here's somemore great news bits from Jim.

Jay and Laura Flynn of Lilburn, Ga., filed a $111 million lawsuit in June against Home Depot and the maker of Tile Perfect Stand'N Seal Grout Cleaner, charging that a defect caused toxic fumes that permanently destroyed half of Jay's lung capacity, which, among other effects, according to Laura, ended the couple's "extremely active love life." She added, "I mean every day. But now that is over." [WDUN (Gainesville, Ga.)-AP, 6-14-06]

In June, Betty Jean Barachie was sentenced to 27 months in prison for embezzling $1.5 million from her employer so that she could indulge a mindless compulsive-shopping habit; among her inexplicable, 1,500-item haul were 58 coats, 16 chain saws, more than 3,000 books, and a John Deere tractor. [Express-Times (Easton, Pa.)-AP, 6-28-06]

What the...?

That's just flat out insane. I have no further comment.

Thanks, as always, Jim.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

von has done it again.

So, von is the one to beat this week as he's been the winner more than once now.

Congratulations, von, can you do it again, or will someone else be the next winner?

Good luck to everyone.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your right is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)