The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Sure pelicans are really cool birds, what with their ability to mix cement in their mouths and all.

And, isn't it so neat how they can capture a whole mouthful of water and fish, and just chug it all down.

Apparently, though, not all pelicans are shining beacons of light amongst the bird population.

Take, for instance, Crash, the female pelican, who decided to get blitzed out of her gourd off of domoic algae, then stagger above the streets until she came crashing down into an SUV windshield.

But, as drunk and rowdy as the throttle jockey can get, ol' Crash decided it was time to head into rehab. Clean up her act. Perhaps... perhaps change her ways and improve her life.

Okay, actually she went into rehab to fix her pouch and a broken foot, but you get the point.

Anyhow, Crash did get fixed up.

She's a purdy ol' gal now, and she's been released into the wild once more.

We have only to wait and see the outcome of her life-altering decision: will she fly or will she flounder in a sea full of sinful temptations?

You go girl. You go.