The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Although I'm away from the computer, somehow I managed to reproduce (steal) the following article from 123beta. Okay, he gave me permission, but it looks more rebellious if I say "steal".

Ya, I'm a punk a$$.

I have no idea if the following quotes are real or not but they're funny...

'I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

'The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible'.
--George Burns

'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year'.
--Victor Borge

'I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury'.
--Groucho Marx

'I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back'.
--Zsa Zsa Gabor

'Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat'.
--Alex Levine

'Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP'.
--Joe Namath

'I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap'.
--Bob Hope

'I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it'.
--W.C. Fields

'Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you'.
--Winston Churchill

'By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
--Billy Crystal

AND my favorite:

'Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
--Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

Much appreciated, Butch.