The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

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Posted by Samantha at 08:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I mean Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Here's the ninja way to put on a bra.

Here are the bubbalicious boobs.

And, finally, some Price is Right bouncing boobies.

You know, I really wish there were more online fun for women to view, but I don't think bouncing baloney ponies would cut it.

(I know, I know, don't mention that genitalia and "cut" in the same sentence)

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
My, my; it's all about "my" [by Culturetastic]

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

If you recall, I wrote once about a game Shock and Blog introduced me to called Knife Throw.

Well, now there's Knife Throw 2 and it's even more fun because you get to choose the celebrity you want to toss knives at.

Angelina Jolie seemed to like it, though, for some reason.

My score: 1400.

Tom Cruise died almost instantly.

*snicker*

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I thought I'd take this moment to share some great lyrics with you.

Wing does AC/DC.

Wing does the Beatles.

And, of course, straight out of South Park: Wing does ABBA.

For those who haven't seen that South Park episode where the boys introduce Wing, here it is: Wing (of course, this last site probably put the episode online without permission, so it's to your discretion whether you choose to watch it there or not).

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What it looks like when you go down the wrong path in life...

Hillary's baggage

Friday Funnies

12,011.73

An Engine Of Conflict

The stakes on Nov. 7

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Posted by Samantha at 09:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Looks like Just a Girl just snagged the title from Dragonlady's World.

Congratulations Just a Girl for knowing that this week's moron is Bill Clinton.

Of course, we all know Clinton for his sex-crazed lunacy... I, uh, mean presidency.

Yes, I truly believe Clinton entered the wrong profession: he should have been in porn rather than politics.

I mean, not only was he caught in a filthy lie over having a Monica Lewinsky BJ, but he's had numerous allegations of infidelity from his past. Linda Tripp, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broaddrick (who claimed rape).

That man's busy as heck.

But, he sure doesn't know how to pick 'em. You'd think a man with successes like his could have selected better quality babes. But, then again, looking at his wife Hillary, I guess that's just what he goes for.

Perhaps, I should just be sighing in relief since I don't think I'm his type.

*Phew*

And, let's not forget his presidency was more of a mini party with lots of music, blowing smoke (but, he didn't inhale), getting the munchies (particularly for McDonalds), carnal behaviour, and at the end, the house was trashed.

Ya, I'm sure we all remember how he scoffed everything, but the kitchen sink (or did he take that, too?) when he left office. Oh, and he also pardon everyone and their dog before he left with a total of 140 presidential pardons, including Marc Rich.

Let's face it, that moron's excellent at being shady.

But, you know, he'd also be a great talk show host.

It was considered at one point to make Clinton a tv talk show host, but it hasn't worked out yet. Personally, I think he'd fit right in with the Jerry Springers of the world. The only difference: Clinton would want to 'make it' with all his 80 year old topless transexual midgets.

Someone cue the circus music.

And, the circus continues as we hear Clinton blame everyone, but himself for Bin Laden's terror and the need for war. Of course, I'm talking about that interview with Chris Wallace in which Clinton flipped out over what he considered "a smirk".

Whatever nutball.

'We contracted with people to kill him. I got closer to killing him than anybody's gotten since,' he said.

Because you were on his tail???

Sure, Billy boy, sure.

Good ol' sit back and take it up the butt Clinton. That's what they should call ya.

Get this straight, it wasn't until Bush got on the guy's a$$ that he began hiding out and p*ssing his pants.

I don't know how Clinton can claim he was a tough go-getter. He was merely the US's 'good time' president and nothing more.

How can we forget his snazzy saxophone riffs?

I guess you could say he was the president who liked to blow and be blown.

And, I don't know why people are questioning whether the moron is pushing Hillary to run for president. Everyone knows she's the one who wears the pants in that family.

Everyone also knows she was already president once before between the years 1993 and 2001... as if Bill made any of the decisions back then.

He was too busy getting screwed while screwing the country.

Well, that's it for now on this moron, but I wouldn't doubt if we see his image blacked out on this site again in the future. He's bound to foul up again, over and over.

Congrats to Just a Girl for the win.

More on the moron:
Clinton says Republican extremists divided country
CLINTON AGAINST FREE SPEECH IN DENMARK AS IN CHINA
Bill Clinton Is A Fucking Moron
Bill Clinton's Terrorism FAILURES!
Bill Clinton's Latest Lie
Clinton: Conspiracy Theorists Out to Get Me
Bubba Clinton's Legacy - A Nuclear Iran
President Clinton gets Ticked off again, Trashes Starbucks
Clinton after Chris Wallace Interview
Bill Clinton Spoof (best with the volume off if the translation annoys)

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Stick A Fork In Me [by Diane's Stuff]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

This is ridiculously funny.

Discovered at Kunst am Banner's place, here is one full support bra that works miracles.

NSFW - it's the Shock Absorber.

Go ahead, try the FF+G at running/horseriding speed. You know you want to.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I was not aware.

I'm sorry titties, I'll pay more attention to you for the remainder of this month.

Here are some furry fun and stress subduing things you may want for yourself.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It seems that bras and non-revealing clothing may be a must in the future at big houses everywhere.

The new jail visitor dress code in Evansville, Indiana states,

Revealing tops are out and bras are now a must for women visiting prisoners at the Vanderburgh County Jail. Jail officials imposed a new dress code policy after several incidents in which women visiting the jail exposed themselves to male prisoners.

The new policy, posted at the jail's front desk, states that women cannot wear halter tops, sleeveless dresses and shirts, see-through garments, revealing dresses, and shorts cut higher than 2 inches above the knee.

Spandex and "extremely tight fitting" jeans or pants also are frowned upon.

They can no longer show cleavage to attract a jail date.

Ya right, as if prisoners care; they're just as happy with a hole in the wall or another inmate dropping the soap.

The code also mentions,

"Adult female visitors, as well as females who would have need of a bra, shall be required to wear a bra," the draft policy also states.

Measure them?

Uh huh, this is probably just a way for security to feel up the visitors.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It must be a conspiracy.

First Steve Irwin, and now some 81-year-old man was stabbed in chest by a stingray.

Not only was the old man stabbed, but the stingray leaped into his boat to perform the attack.

Next thing you know, there will be a whole series of movies based on these events: Stingray, Stingray 2, Stingray 3-D, and Stingray: The Revenge.

PossibleTaglines:
1. Crikey I've been poked.
2. There's a lot of poking going on.
3. The thrust of the big stiffy.

Okay, I'm done.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

PERVs, let's take a page from the book of ALF (Animal Liberation Front) and set some veggies free.

ALF has allegedly killed 15,000 halibut after "saving" them from a fish farm.

Thousands of dead fish are being washed up along the west coast of Scotland after the raid at Kames Marine Fish Farm, near Oban. The perpetrators are thought to have attacked last week. Detectives believe that the attack could be linked to a spate of other farm attacks throughout the country. The letters ALF (Animal Liberation Front) were spray-painted near by.

The loss is estimated to have cost the fish farm at least £500,000 as boats, cranes and offices were also vandalised. The halibut died from starvation or getting caught in seaweed. They were also being eaten by herring gulls and otters.

We will be plucking them by the root and releasing them into the wild.

Go pumpkins. Be free. We love you.

PERVail over veggie injustice: eat meat, not botanicals.

VIVA LA PERV!

Meeting Adjourned.

Thanks to VP PERV Diane's Stuff for the logo.

Thanks also to Committees of Correspondence for sending the ALF news my way.

Previous PERV Posts

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Posted by Samantha at 12:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Jesus Christ. What next?

Support the Venetian Blind

Feel old and tired?

Amnesty, negotiation, magic bullets, withdrawal, what will it be for Iraq?

A Republican Agenda for 110th Congress

Ten Reasons to NOT vote Republican (funny too)

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Amnesty, negotiation, magic bullets, withdrawal, what will it be for Iraq? [by Right Truth]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Looks painful.

You know, Lilo, for someone who keeps denying her role as a "crazy sex crazed deviant", you sure send me a lot of these kinds of links:

The horny turtle video

Nice try - I know the truth.

I'm thinking you're not as innocent as you portray yourself, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Hat Tip: Larry Hnetka Goes HMmmm for this fishy business (by the way, Larry, I'm so going to kick your butt on the Dead Guy game)

And, for this one, I'm going to keep trying for that free willy spot. Got a long way to go, but I'll keep strokin' (perverts, I know what you're thinking).

By the way, it may say my blog's fishy, but it tastes like chicken.

Go ahead and find out where you stand: Are you a Big Fish in the Cyber Ocean?

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Looks like urinating in US schools is a whole different problem from peeing in Norwegian ones.

In the states, the issue is that a classroom trash can was used as a toilet during a lockdown drill:

On Tuesday, Frandino gave the Charlestowne Academy students permission to use the trash can. When a girl used the bathroom, other girls held up jackets to shield the view while other students stood on the opposite wall with their backs turned, school district spokesman Jerry Adams said. Boys also did the same for the boy.

"It's not acceptable," associate superintendent Patricia Yandle told the newspaper.

Duh.

Besides, it was just a drill, you morons. As if the school administration couldn't bend the rules and allow the teacher to take the kids to the bathroom in such an instance to save the kids the embarrassment.

And, in a real situation, hello... that's when you revert to extremes like peeing in a trash can.

Yes, perhaps the teacher was a little hasty considering the lockdown only lasted an hour and was only a drill, but he did have the sense to contact administration to ask them what he should do. I'm not sure what their response was, but the whole problem could have been avoided by just taking the kids to the can, for gosh sakes.

And, if the teacher were to tell the kids that they had to hold it in and wait for the drill to be over, the next thing you know he'd be sued for allowing the children's bladders to burst, or sued for embarrassing the kids who peed in their pants in front of their peers.

Whatever.

You just can't win.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It seems urination is a hot topic with some Norwegian Democrats, which, I guess, should not be a shocker considering that they're full of it. Urination will go to committee:

A local decision that schoolboys must sit on toilet seats when urinating has provoked political debate.

The head of The Democrats Party, a splinter group of former Progress Party hardliners, Vidar Kleppe, is outraged that boys at Dvergsnes School in Kristiansand have to sit and pee.

Kleppe accuses the school of fiddling with God's work, and wants the matter discussed at the executive committee level of the local council, newspaper Dagbladet reports.

"When boys are not allowed to pee in the natural way, the way boys have done for generations, it is meddling with God's work," Kleppe told the newspaper.

"It is a human right not to have to sit down like a girl," Kleppe said.

I'm sure this is just a lazy way to cut back on custodial employment by making washing around urinals one less job to do.

I'm also sure it's another way for them to cheapen up the schools by only installing toilets rather than urinals and toilets.

Cheap b*st*rds.

Funny thing is that they say "young boys are simply not good enough at aiming", but duh, isn't that what schooling is for... to train them to become competent adults?

Perhaps you don't have to potty train the boys, but the education system is responsible for enabling children to achieve fine motor skills.

Therefore, learning to pee with good aim - a fine motor skill - is an essential learning tool that schools should encourage, not discourage.

Wow, that sounded too intelligent. I'd better dumb it down a bit.

H'yuck h'yuck, boys pee sitting down. That's like having a male dog that squats to pee.

H'yuck.

Hat Tip: Mixolydian Mode

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Posted by Samantha at 12:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I knew Disneyland was just a cover for an orgy house.

Watch Minnie Mouse get screwed repeatedly.

That's one attraction I missed when I was there last.

Hat Tip: thanks to Lostinlimaohio for sending this funny.

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I Missed That Attraction.... [by ...was i there?]

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Lostinlimaohio states that she will never be entered in the database for SBS, will you?

Apparently, this syndrome is widespread and some want to create a law requiring mandatory aid for these sufferers.

The ailment is, of course, Small Breast Syndrome and the following site is attempting to make breast implants mandatory.

Fortunately, I am not a sufferer of this disorder, but I do sympathise with those who may be forced to undergo surgery if the law passes.

This is my plea to vote "no" on proposition Make Boobs Bigger.

But, you know, it could get interesting if SBS sufferers begin protesting. Women everywhere, bountiful and bitty alike, may bare their breasts in 'full support' against such legislation.

I, for one, will be in that protest line, bouncing with the best of them.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Open Trackback Alliance [by Right Truth]

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I'm thankful once again to Jim who sent these humourous news bits.

Artists Gone Too Far: (1) An August Los Angeles exhibition by photographer Jill Greenberg featured 27 2- and 3-year-old kids crying, scenes that Greenberg provoked by offering each one a lollipop and then snatching it away. She admitted that the photos were "upsetting" but denied critics' accusations of child abuse. [Guardian (London), 7-26-06]

In August, police in Mumbai, India, decided to get a professional opinion from the local JJ School of Art as to whether a downtown video and photographic exhibition was obscene and should be closed down. (The school's opinion of the show, "Tits, Clits and Elephant Dick," has not been reported.) [Times of India, 8-7-06]

Performance artist Kira O'Reilly's August show in Penzance, England, "Inthewrongplaceness," consisted of a naked woman cradling a dead pig for four hours at a time. O'Reilly explained, on her Web site: "The work left me with an undercurrent of pigginess (and) unexpected fantasies of mergence and interspecies metamorphoses began to flicker into my consciousness." People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals called the performance merely "sick." [Reuters, 8-18-06]

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Posted by Samantha at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This post submitted by Lostinlimaohio, and half heartedly approved by Sam.

I have this "friend" who likes to post IM conversations he has with people on his Flickr account. The thing is, he always posts the worst parts of the conversations, you know the ones that end up making the people he is chatting with look bad. And by bad I mean, like crazy sex addicts.

In my defense, we usually are chatting about PHP, or databases, or how to make some feature of a website work or the use of little hacks. And we do a lot of "small talk". It might have something to do with the simple fact that neither of us have normal sleeping hours, and both of us have Google Chat.

Well, last night, was another one of those conversations that I just know he's going to post somewhere to make me look bad. So, in pure self defense- I thought I would beat him too it. Plus, it has the added benefit of proving to Sam that I am not some crazy sex crazed deviant. You know how she likes to make those suggestions about me.

If you bother to read the entire thing- you'll even see the threat he snuck in there about capturing the conversation in an image.

12:08 AM me: one day, when all the chicks who decided to "try" being bi in school so that they could make a little extra money decide to stick with the leg lickin, you men will reget thinking it's so hott
cause you won't be finding any straight women...

John: sure you will

12:09 AM I once dated a lesbian
like, practicing

me: sure who will?

John: in fact, that was sorta practicing on the weekends when I went home and she stayed with some chick

me: so the chick got some... and you didn't?
that had to suck

12:10 AM John: I was trying

me: (or not.. ha ha)

John: she was just TOO liberal
that's what did it in the end

me: that's what you get for dating a lefty

John: before, you know, I got to do her in the end
very very very few of the gay gals were all the way lesbian

me: you didn't do her

12:11 AM John: no, I didn't do her

me: you said you did

John: might've been because she lived in a two bedroom apartment with 4 other women

me: you said you did her in the end

John: I DIDN'T get her in the end, yada yada yada

me: which I was GOING to make a comment about... butt decided not to
HAHA
12:12 AM I'm cracking up
you said " I DIDN'T get her in the end"

John: yes, I know

me: hahah

12:13 AM John: see, I write these things with humor in mind
never mind

me: okay

John: glad you have somethign to laugh about
it's good to laugh

12:14 AM me: all the bi girls I knew were pretty much "bi when drunk only" the lesbians were all serious, no men llowed lesbians though

John: that doesn't sound all that great

me: I can understand the bi when drunk only type... but the other scare me

12:15 AM John: WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND FEEDBURNER?!?!?!?!?? WHY DOES IT HATE ME SO??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

me: it doesn't
why'd you do to it?
12:16 AM wait.. don't answer that yet
I'll be right back
12:20 AM okay... so what did you do to the feedthing?

12:21 AM John: just complaining

it says I have 41 subscribers

me: what's wrong with that?

John: I'd just love it to get to 50
12:22 AM then I'd stick it all over everywhere, saying, "hey! look at my subscribers!!!!

me: you still have more than me
so shut up

12:23 AM John: that's because you, like Beth, don't force all the rss over to that

me: oh
12:24 AM don't forget that I burn the feed under two names... because I couldn't remember the login to the first one

12:26 AM John: do this, on the footer of the post, just put a text link that says "if you enjoyed this post, subscribe to the site feed for the latest updates"
or soemthing like that
and give the new RSS feed thingee
since you changed over to the beta version, I think the rss feed died on the old burned feed

me: i have the little "get emailed updates: thingy

John: so that one produced no content
yeah, it's never a bad thing to have both
12:27 AM I have 3 on mine

me: no it does... wathc
watch
http://feeds.feedburner.com/lostinlimaohio

John: email, subscribe, and print

me: http://feeds.feedburner.com/justlostinlimaohio

12:28 AM John: then you're all good, then

12:29 AM me: no... cause I can't see how many are subscribed to the one with "just" in there
it bothers me

12:30 AM John: well, is it anywhere on your site?
odds are, nobody uses it, then
and, just tell them all to switch over for even more bloggy goodness
and to get all kinds of new newness

12:31 AM me: I don't like to be bossy

12:32 AM John: okay, who are you, and what are you doing with Lilo

me: plus... i don't know where they are all coming from... I have feedblitz, feedburner which picks up like 5 other places and all those other stupid ones
12:33 AM Windows Media Center 2005 headlines from your favorite sites. Go directly to the articles that interest you -- saving you time.
1
NewsGator Online

NewsGator online is a free web-based aggregator with a clean user interface that makes it easy to arrange and track your favorite news feeds. Newsgator supports all the major feed formats and has a number of additional features for ranking feeds, getting recommendations, and permanently saving specific feed items.
1
ewwwwwwww ignore that
12:34 AM it didn't work right
John: just make 'em all use the FeedBurner shizzle
12:35 AM me: how do I stop them from using the other ones?
John: ask them nicely
me: if they already have it... I can't hunt them down and make them quit
12:36 AM John: you can shut off feedblitz and stuff
if you get them all on the FeedBurner email, it shows you how many folks get that, and the email they use
12:37 AM me: i like that one... I just don't want them using the "just" feed
I want them to use http://feeds.feedburner.com/lostinlimaohio
so I can track then
them
John: yeah, well, you have to ask them. be all bossy and stuff.
me: feedblitz shows me all that too
12:39 AM John: I like mine all in one place, so I'm happy that way
12:40 AM me: i should have tried that
thanks for waiting until now to tell me
12:41 AM John: you didn't ask
I can't tell you if you don't ask
it's really your fault, you see
me: you should have known that i didn't know what i was doing
12:42 AM John: you're the smart one, not me
me: whatever
John: have I ever told anybody that I'm surrounded by people who know more than me, who always thing I know more than them?
12:43 AM me: you just like to know stuff that I don't
John: all my like, I tell ya
all my life, I mean
cold coming on, I just know it
me: did you know about the one feed thing?
huh?
i think so
did I?
huh?
i think not
12:44 AM John: it's not liek you can really force people to do things on Blogger
or WordPress.com even
you need your own darn domain, you know that?
12:45 AM me: i'm cheap
blogger is free
12:46 AM John: have I mentioned coComment is slow as Christmas turkey?
me: i still can't get rid of that damn thing
12:47 AM John: what's wrong with it?
me: which ... would be yet another thing you never took the time to warn me about
I don't know what is wrong with it
it's all stuck in Flock
John: which would be tough, since I didn't start using it until today
me: and even when I uninstalled... it didn't go away
we talked about it before
12:48 AM on aug 17th
John: not long enough for me to remember
me: at 12:48 am

12:50 AM me: see this is why you should check up on those things
have you ever seen www.cocomment.com?
12:49 AM John: yep
totally didn't like that idea
me: I thought I would try it, and now... I can't get rid of it
John: I like being megalomanic, but that's a little much
12:50 AM me: completely messed up flock
John: and that's the other thing, it don't leave
me: thanks for the warning
I've been having hell trying to get rid of it, it shows up EVERYWHERE, including when I email and write posts
12:51 AM John: yeah, it's being helpful
and by helpful, I mean stalkerish
me: it's worse than you
John: I've never bothered to sign up
it seemed a little 1984 to me

Total Blog Juice: 0.8
John: figures
me: you love me
1:08 AM John: yeah, you know how I love it when you're on top of me
1:09 AM me: well, you wouldn't want to be on top of me would you>
John: thinking
1:10 AM you know, I've got an idea for a television show that has you as one of the characters
sort of
you and another person are blended together
1:11 AM me: um...
who is the other person?
John: that's because there's the flashbacks, and you're not 18 years old
me: cause I'm not sure I'm up to being blended
John: she was this really really cute blonde cheerleader
1:12 AM me: yuck
I am not going to blend with a blonde
John: well, if you did, I can think of at least two people who would really dig it
1:13 AM me: two whole people?
oh.. well in that case...
John: at least
1:14 AM it could possibly be a lot more than that, depending on licensing issues
1:15 AM me: and the blending issues
just how are you going to blend me with a blonde?
1:16 AM John: I needed somebody who was all motherly, yet I still wanted to boink
1:17 AM so I took many of your characteristics, took some of my mythos from college, and made a believable character out of them
1:18 AM me: wait... back up to the "motherly" thing
1:19 AM John: you make cookies, do you not? fudge? have you not the childrens?
me: so you steal all my motherly qualities... and add in some of "makes you want to boink them" qualities of someone else and now have a character?
I'm offended
as if I have no boinkable like qualities myself
1:20 AM John: no, I needed somebody motherlyish that I knew to build the character on. seeing as how there's a constant, unspoken sexual tension running between you and I (and by unspoken, I mean I only type the filth about lesbotronics and whatnot), I can relate to the boinking while still knowing you got kids
1:21 AM something that would, when I was younger, cause me to run, shrieking, and making me want to take a bath while I emptied a bottle of Wild Turkey
1:22 AM me: you really know how to make a girl feel good, you know that?
1:23 AM John: no, not really
1:24 AM me: so... any more insults you feel like directing my way tonight?
1:25 AM John: that whole exchange was take-picture-able
me: especially the part where you insulted me
John: I thought it was rather complimentary that you're somebody I find interesting
1:26 AM me: there is nothing about this "something that would, when I was younger, cause me to run, shrieking, and making me want to take a bath while I emptied a bottle of Wild Turkey" that is complimentary
1:27 AM John: um, back when I was younger, I was an idiot, though
me: even if you would have felt that way in your younger years... YOU DON'T SAY IT
yeah... but back when you were younger... so was I
and I didn't have kids
John: when I was younger, I thought that any girl over 18 was too old
1:28 AM me: and you're how old now?
cause i'm 28...
John: 35 next week
me: HA
29 feb 5th
what day next week?
John: remember my thing about the 7 years?
1:29 AM 21st
I've matured a lot, but still have tons to go
me: i do not recall seven years... refresh me
John: I've gotten over a lot of hangups over the years
1:30 AM me: it's okay... I would have been to drunk to notice you in my younger years
John: remember when I guess how old your hubby was, just by my nesting instinct research?
me: yeah yeah yeah
it's not that hard to guess. I;ve commented about him all over the palce
palc
damnit
1:31 AM PLACE
augh
John: I forget the exact thing, since it's been a while since I looked over my stuff, but for 18 it was 24, and like, 26 would be 35 I think. something like that
1:32 AM then there's the 17 years ones
that's a whole other thing, though
that's the bad breakup age thing
saw that in Mississippi just about once every minute
1:33 AM just something magical about 17 years. never could figure it out.
my boss's daughter, 27 years old, shacked up with, get this, a 43 year old guy
that's just how it worked out
me: which sounds just lovely
1:34 AM John: the difference between men and women
me: he could be a tad older
men have to age a little before they are really ready... you know sowing some oats and stuff like that
1:35 AM John: and because they have more in the purse strings, and have proven they can kill the weaker, younger males
me: the purse strings don't really matter, not to the right woman
1:36 AM i'd be with him even if we couldn't afford basic cable
John: okay, now I'm getting too sleepy to argue with you
me: you can't argue about that
1:37 AM John: and how can you argue with a lady who loves, even without ESPN and HBO? HOW? How, I ask you?

And just think, that's only a little drop of the sort of great small talk IM's going on out there. See what you are missing by not having Google Talk, and not staying up all hours of the night, and not having me and John on your buddy list?

Which reminds me, oddly enough Sam doesn't chat with me. I'm sort of shocked about that, cause you'd think Sam would be all about the pointless small talk. But at least now she can't claim that all my posts somehow relate to sex.

Contributed by Lostinlimaohio

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Posted by lostinlimaohio at 12:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I've said it before, and I'm sure as long as YouTube exists, I'll continue to say it: people have too much free frickin' time on their hands.

Someone decided to screw with Star Wars and various James Earl Jones' movies to create the Vader Sessions.

It is assumed he even gets a little funky with Princess Leia, his own daughter.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink

If you're as messed up as me, you'll appreciate this as much as I do.

Here's an interactive map of Springfield - you know, the town that The Simpsons live in.

But, if that doesn't interest you, then perhaps you'd be intrigued by this Bartesque Supersoaker Flamethrower idea.

Now just think about it, homeowners, your next door neighbour's kid could be doing that in the garage beside you as we speak. Not exactly a comforting thought to me, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This PERV post submitted gratefully by 123beta.

The animal rights group called Tuesday for a North American theme park, Six Flags Inc., to cancel a competition in which people will try to break the world cockroach-eating record.

Anyone who beats the record will win a season pass for four people for 2007 with VIP queue-jumping status. The record is currently held by Ken Edwards of Derbyshire, England, who devoured 36 Madagascar hissing cockroaches in one minute in 2001.

"Insects do not deserve to be eaten alive especially for a gratuitous marketing gimmick,"
PETA spokeswoman Jackie Vergerio told Reuters.

Since when are cockroaches considered animals?

And who in their 'right mind' would eat a freakin'
live cockroach? ...Well, maybe I would for some big bucks but not just to win 4 tickets to an amusement park!

Bring your own Alka-Seltzer... Burp!

On a side note, one of our PERV's, Committees of Correspondence, sent in this funny, but true cartoon:

PERVs do it with meat... uh... eat meat, that is.

VIVA LA PERV!

Meeting Adjourned.

Thanks to VP PERV Diane's Stuff for the logo.

Thanks again, 123beta for the post.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Last week's winner was DragonLady's World, so you have DragonLady to beat. Can you do it?

Good luck everyone.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your right is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)